After Dark with Beth LaMontagne

April 20, 2006

"It's beautiful, have you been yet?"

OK, who here’s been to the Sports Page?

Which of you has enjoyed the 22-ounce ice cold beers, the slick new decor and the gussied-up pub grub?

Has anyone out there dared to eat, drink and score?

Well, I have, and as much as I would love to slam Portsmouth’s newest restaurant dedicated to all things dude, I just can’t muster up the bile to do so. Being in the Sports Page is sort of like watching a porn. It’s disgusting to my sensibilities but there’s something fun about it at the same time.

My first trip was on a Sunday afternoon during the latter innings of a Red Sox game. My boyfriend and I were greeted by a pair of nice-looking, finely manicured young women who looked happy to see us just because they finally had something to do. We joined our crew at the bar and eventually moved to a larger table.

Having worked in a restaurant for many years, I know we should have cleared it with the hostess, even if it was a formality. But there was no one sitting at the tables, so I figured it would be OK. Not so, we soon discovered as a disgruntled hostess curtly informed us that the tables were for eating and drinking not just drinking (which was what we were doing) and we should have cleared it with her first. She walked away carrying that teenage girl affect they pull when trying to non-verbally say they think you’re a complete asshole.

Wavering on the line of getting angry about the situation, it was remedied by a very kind, yet sometimes slow, waitress who promptly brought our first round of beers. The beers came in 16- and 22-ounce glasses and were icy cold. Bratskellar, you may have the frosty mug claim on the coldest beer in town, but the Sport Page is right at your heels. I would go back and endure the sea of men in polo shirts and Red Sox caps just to get one of their beers on a hot summer day.

I am much slower a sipper than my boyfriend, so I didn’t notice until later that their beer glasses sat empty 10 to 15 minutes at a time. The waitress apologized, and I am more than willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that she got busy when we improperly sat at her table. But if I were to leave this fact out, my account wouldn’t be accurate.

By the way, I have to mention here that I totally predicted what the waitresses would look like — young, hot and dressed all in black. They aren’t as skanky looking as the bartenders at Quigley’s, but again, the Sports Page is a family joint. Can’t have too much sex.

Overall, I liked the place, hated the clientele and thought the menu was overpriced. The owners did an amazing job redecorating, but it feels a little cold for a neighborhood hangout. The TVs were nice, with Manny and Ortiz in nearly every line of sight, but if NCAA hockey was in my face, I’m sure it would be unbearably annoying.

Still, there was something untangible that I liked about the Sports Page. It was very urban, slick and cocky. It reminded me of the giant sports bars of Boston that seem like hideous hangouts until you’re three beers and four innings into a game.

I’ve spoken to just about everyone I know about the Sports Page, and most everyone had far more harsh things to say about the place, except Kelly Halldorson, who provided the title of this entry. As much as y’all out there want to hate it, you have to admit the Sports Page is exactly what Portsmouth needs. It’s big, with big drinks, filled with beautiful young people looking to have a good time. Leave the surly bars to the surly people who chain smoke and bitch about the new condos and how un-punk rock everything has become. The Sports Page is the new cool place for the winners in town, well, at least until the Gas Light deck opens.

Posted by blamontagne at April 20, 2006 02:32 PM

Comments

Well,I can't wait to go and try it out now! I wonder if they'll show Celebrity Chef Cook-off on the big TVs? Or competitive eating!

Posted by: RForrest at April 20, 2006 03:38 PM

THANK-YOU!!!! :) I just read it to Jeff, it gave him a little smile. Which he needed since he degloved his finger today (while working on a golf cart) and needed five stitches.

Posted by: www.KellyHalldorson.com at April 20, 2006 09:39 PM

I should probably add (for those that haven't caught my bragging on the seacoastconnects.com forums)...that Jeff Halldorson, my hot, manly man husband was the contractor on the project.

He renovated it and did an amazing job. When I get around to posting the before and after pics I'll post a link here. Incredible...just incredible.

Just wait until the "Wet Bar" opens (martini bar downstairs). I believe he starts on that in a week or two.

Posted by: www.KellyHalldorson.com at April 20, 2006 10:46 PM

I had no idea your husband did the work on the Sports Page. Kudos, particularly on the floor. They are the shiniest, most well-polished floors I have ever seen.

Posted by: afterdark at April 21, 2006 02:23 PM

Thanks! I'll mention the floors to him. He's been really pleased with the company he uses for flooring. They do a pretty good job.

Did you know he built the Brick House?

Posted by: www.KellyHalldorson.com at April 23, 2006 10:07 PM

Didn't know he was responsible for the Brick House too. He's gussing up all the hot spots for the boys to drink! good for him.

Posted by: afterdark at April 25, 2006 08:52 PM

Actually he was one of the two original owners of the Brick House. Found it wasn't for him and gave up his half to Chris.

I even put my own little touch on the Brick House; I did both the murals (Trey Anastasio & The surfing girl by the stage)...both my shots too.

Posted by: www.KellyHalldorson.com at April 26, 2006 08:18 AM

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