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Three Little Bullies All In A Row

I am one of those oddity parents who has two generations of children under my belt. One of my kids is 20 years old and the other a tender 7. I’m pushing 40, so when the three of us are together there are basically three generations sharing the same air.

Yesterday at the Thanksgiving table was very emotional for me. I watched as my older son teased my youngest. I watched my youngest respond and come back with his own little zingers, and observed my oldest light up with the knowledge that his little bro is developing into a real person from the boring baby he used to be.

My oldest child is a rare commodity to me nowadays. He’s always on the go, never settling down long enough to hang out with Mom. I talk to him on the phone several times a week, but as any mother will tell you, that’s petty beans compared to actually spending time with a child.

I have to content myself with watching from a distance as he carves his path into the adult world in his own stubborn way (where *did* he get those horns?). I have to bite my tongue to keep from screaming into the phone “What the hell are you doing!” sometimes, when I know he’s heading for disaster somehow. (You are how many miles overdue for an oil change??) I bite my tongue because I have SO been there, and I know my own mother could never tell me anything, either.

I know he’ll make his way to his own success eventually, on his own terms. He is so much like me it hurts. It hurts because I know the pain he has gone through, is going through, and will go through before he finally “gets it.” It is so hard to let that be – it’s in my blood to “meddle” and almost physically impossible to keep my mouth shut.

I remember when I was his age. I remember being an adolescent and being in distress almost all the time. It sucked so much! I remember looking at my parents and other adults and thinking how “together” they seemed to be, and thinking that some day, I would magically hit an age where I would be so “together” as well. As if it would just happen, I would wake up one day at a certain age and all my bills would be getting paid on time, my clothes would all be folded in their drawers where they belonged, my car maintenance would be getting done, there would never be any more struggles, no more pain.

But I did finally “get it.” I realized, no one is ever magically *there.* We struggle until the end, rich and poor, healthy and unhealthy, sane and insane. Everyone struggles and everyone deals with life their own way. It’s called “living!” And I feel that my job is to teach my children to live on their own terms successfully and happily, by example.

I see this as I watch my youngest son with his impressionable mind’s eye view of myself and his brother. I see him watching me and I see him watching his brother and I know he’s weighing everything carefully with his developing reasoning skills. I know that he’ll be twenty years old soon enough. His life circumstances are very different than his older brother. I know his childhood path will influence him differently and he will likely have considerably less trauma. But there will still be struggle; he is stubborn and willful like myself and his brother. I see the little horn buds festering under his hairline already.

Sometimes I want to take them both and squeeze them down and say stay in my house forever and never face that big ugly world outside! You do that, kids, and you’ll never ever have to have the big reality check that I did: that it is never going to get easier!

To do that, though, would be to rob them of achieving for themselves the most precious thing of all, and the thing that I fought so hard for all my life, and still fight for; the immaterial thing that makes my heart sing – freedom to be who I am.

I’ll sign off now with an excerpt from a song written by Ben Folds upon the birth of his son; a song I could have written myself, but didn’t – the words are simply perfect:

From “Still Fighting It”

Good morning, son
In twenty years from now
Maybe we’ll both sit down and have a few beers
And I can tell you ‘bout today
And how I picked you up and everything changed
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you’d feel the same things

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
You’ll try and try and one day you’ll fly
Away from me
And you’re so much like me
I’m sorry

Posted by at 11:46 AM | Comments (8)

Get Out of Your Hamster Cage Now! Own Your Own Home for Pennies a Day.

I drove past a sign in front of a real estate office last night advertising a “small, sunny, 2 bedroom apartment, heat included” in North Berwick, for $900.00. How scary, when you think that they were advertising that as a really good deal. I am dedicating this blog entry toward getting as many people as I can to go out there and buy a home, just do it, stop worrying about it, stop trying to save all the money they think they need to save – and just buy it. Don’t wait for the ideal house, it won’t come along. Don’t wait until you have $10K in the bank – it will never happen. Don’t wait for anything – just do it!

I am here to tell you that had I waited for all these things, I would still be living in a 600 square foot apartment. My first month’s rent was $525. When I left two years later it was $675. Now, five years after the day I signed the lease, the rents are $925-975. And so it goes.

As faithful readers may know already, I’m a single parent of two, on a very limited income. Things have steadily improved for me, income-wise, over the years but I still struggle. I get regular, if very small, payraises; my oldest son has moved out, and daycare costs have gone down as my youngest son goes to school full time.

There was a time, however, when renting a little 600 square foot apartment on the third floor of a Habitrail-type building in Barrington seemed like the only option for us, and that’s what we did. I made it as nice as I could and it was our little place. We loved it for what it was – our home. But as far as a living space, it was sadly lacking. We had no storage – our one closet was taken up by a water heater. We could hear our neighbors all the time, one below, one to the right and one to the left and occasionally, the neighbors on the diagonal. I tried to pretend there weren’t so many things missing – a real yard, a real space to eat together, privacy (from the neighbors and from each other!), pets, a washer and dryer, a garden, a room for my baby (we shared a room).

I began to dream of having my own little house. I would go jogging downtown Portsmouth and ogle the houses for hours on end. Day and night I would jog up and down my favorite streets, memorizing my favorite houses, memorizing my favorite gardens, peeking in the backyards, stealing glances into their windows at their living rooms and up their stairways. I began to feel as though I belonged there and not in Barrington. I began to feel sad every day driving home into that broken asphalt driveway. I would look up to the third story where my cute little curtains stood out among three hundred identical windows. I began to avoid going home.

I knew I had to take action. I was making myself sick over this. I had a bad case of puppy love, only it was house love, and there was only one cure. I had to get a house of my own. There was, of course, one seemingly insurmountable problem. Real estate prices were out of my league completely and I was lucky if I made it to payday without being in the red, let alone had I been able to save any money toward a down payment. The whole idea of buying a house seemed ridiculous. I had neighbors who made more money than I did, who had two income families – and they had no hope of ever “getting out.” Why should I think I did?

I thought about mobile homes. My apartment building was situated smack dab in the middle of a “higher end” mobile home park. And I would definitely have considered buying one there. It was quiet and clean and there was always a home up for sale. I called the park manager and quickly put that notion out of my mind – park rent started at $375 and was due to go up in a few months.

I thought about condos. Condo fees and tenant restrictions put the condo solution out as well. Frankly, no matter how desperate I was to be out of the apartment, I had no intention of being called a “tenant” if I was a home owner. No one was ever going to tell me what size dog I could or could not have if I owned my own home. Besides… there was that condo fee. How could I afford park rent or condo fees on top of a mortgage, especially if I couldn’t put anything down on a home? It seemed hopeless.

None of the hopelessness stopped me from hoping, however. I spent hours online, in the newspaper, and plucking through free real estate magazines looking at houses. Once, I called a realtor in New Hampshire and told her my situation. She practically snorted at me when she found out my income, and suggested I try the local mobile home park. Bitch! This was so disheartening I let it go for quite a few months.

I finally got my nerve up to call another real estate agent. This lady was much more kind, and though she readily admitted I was not a dream client for most agents, for her, I was. I was lucky to find a woman who actually got into the business to help people. She told me that the first thing I needed to do was put her number aside and get qualified for a mortgage. Forget about finding a house right now, she said. Go get a good loan. She gave me the name of a loan officer, someone who, like her, had a reputation for helping the “little” people. I called him and he got me started on my paperwork right away.

I was very excited at getting the ball rolling. I packed up the kids and moved back home with Pa and Ma in hopes of saving the big down payment I knew I’d need. I told my loan officer I would be in touch with him when I’d saved at least $2000. I figured if I needed more I could borrow it. I was determined. After six months I had almost $2000 in the bank. Then the unthinkable happened – my car died, and I needed $1500 for repairs. I was crushed. I called my loan officer and, trying to hold back the tears, told him what had happened. I don’t think I’ll ever get my own home, I told him. It’s hopeless.

But wait! He told me that in no uncertain terms did I even need a down payment. If I felt comfortable enough with the mortgage payment, I could qualify for a Maine State Housing Authority/Rural Development loan for 5.75% with no down payment. He encouraged me to get my paperwork started right away. He was incredible – supportive, helpful, honest and diligent. I got my loan approved and I knew how much I had at my disposal, also how much I could afford monthly. I was set to go looking.

I knew I had a few restrictions. I knew I would have to find a cheap fixer-upper that was structurally sound, as I am good with my hands but know nothing about wiring or plumbing, and it would be several years before I would be able to afford a home equity loan. I also knew I would have to go away from the immediate seacoast, and mentally prepared myself for a commute. There were absolutely no properties within 30 miles of Portsmouth that were in my price range.

With these facts in hand, I started once again with the internet MLS database, the real estate magazines, et al. It was so frustrating because I would finally find something that was in my price range (and believe me, I had a tiny price range, so this was no easy task), call the realtor, only to find the property was already sold. However, it was by doing this seemingly futile task over and over that I stumbled upon my house. Eventually I came across an agent that said, “Well, the house you’re inquiring about has been sold, but I have another in that price range not too far from the location.”

The rest is happily ever after for my family. I signed on the house, hooked up with a couple of ghosts and planted my very own garden. I began renovations, all by myself, all by my own hand. I waited three years before carefully considering home equity lines of credit so that I could get ahead and do some more renovations.

Here’s the kicker. I pay $805 a month in mortgage payments and $125 for the line of credit. The interest on both my mortgage payment and the line of credit are tax deductible. So even though I pay high property taxes, I get a nice break at the end of the year. Had I stayed in Barrington, I’d be paying at least $925.

Sure I am responsible for my own utilities but I am frugal. And if something breaks, I am the one who has to pay to get it fixed. But I have a yard, and a place for my family to eat, and privacy (from neighbors and each other!) and pets galore. And a washer and dryer. And a room for my baby. And I am no longer hostage to a landlord who decides he must raise his rent yet another time to cover his lousy tax increase.

You know, if more people revolted against landlords and took the plunge by buying their own houses, perhaps rents would decrease. Who knows? Not everyone, obviously, is willing to fly by the seat of their pants and take as many financial risks as I do. I wish I could convince them to try, though.

What happened to me could happen to you. There are no circumstances that should prevent anyone from buying a home if they are willing to make concessions, such as size, location, or condition. There are home loan programs for everyone in every state, just do some research. Don't settle for the first loan officer or real estate agent you come across, if they don't tell you what you want to hear. In fact, I advise you to juggle several real estate agents if your choices are really narrow financially (but find a good loan officer and stick with him/her).

Now, go out there and get your house!!

Posted by at 02:39 PM | Comments (3)

A Small Amendment for the Sake of the Innocent

Sometimes I try to be so correct in my writing that I can almost feel the corset around my waist as I write. Few if any errors, no slang, no swearing.

Other times I just drop that f-bomb left and right, throw in a few “y’alls and “ain’t nos” and butcher sentence structure just because impulse got the better of me, kind of like a one night stand.

For the sake of the innocent baby in my banner, who happens to be my precious nephew caught in a once-in-a-lifetime perfect pout moment, I have tried to go through my blog and delete all my f-bombs. Since he is still on basic board books, I won’t be restructuring sentences or deleting any “y’alls” or “ain’ts.” It will be a tough call on the SFTU entry but he doesn’t have his alphabet quite down yet, so I’m safe.

I’m in the process of a banner change – pouty baby will be replaced with something less guilt inducing. Until baby comes down I’ll be wearing the corset.

Posted by at 08:41 AM | Comments (1)

How About a Nice Big Glass of STFU?

In light of my recent self imposed silent retreat (has it been 5 whole days?), I'd like to share my newfound religion and some trophies for some people who are obviously in dire need of a big glass of STFU.

My God, we won't be able to shop at Walmart at 2 AM anymore through the Christmas season. Expressing remorse for all those stressed-out consumers was Sharon Webber, a Walmart spokesperson. Said Ms. Webber: "So many people are working so hard throughout the holidays, and they really need those extra hours to shop." I'm sure what Ms. Webber really means to say is, "Our employees will finally be able to spend some time with THEIR families and do THEIR shopping too."

Former President Clinton calls Iraq Invasion a Big Mistake. Well, waddayaknow? Sorry, Bill, you're a day late and a dollar short, and nothing you just said matters one iota!

A new movie about Johnny Cash is coming out (or is it out? Mallory?), you can catch either of the box office draw stars on assorted talk shows at assorted times pretty much 24/7 this week. Now, I've got nothing against Joaquin Phoenix or Rheese (sp?) Witherspoon, but I'm getting tired of their promotional blather and have no desire to see either of them overacting or trying to sound like Johnny and June.

This teen was busted for selling Oxy and pot in his school cafeteria. He has already pled "Not guilty" to the pot charge and has to wait to plea on the other, which is a felony. Hmmm, I wonder how he'll plea to that? Hey kid, tell me your sob story. Better yet - STFU! (Note: as this kid clearly shouldn't be encouraged to drink coffee, I'm bestowing on him a T-shirt from his future Alma Mater).

My hat's off to the winners today.

Posted by at 03:28 PM | Comments (3)

ON THE OTHER HAND

Though I will be boycotting the movie about "that guy" (see previous post) I am waiting with great anticipation for the Narnia chronicles to come out! Yay, finally a decent movie being made (at least the FX look cool in the trailer) about my favorite vacationland. Yeah, I have a white oval sticker on my car that says NAR...

I'm such a dork!

Posted by at 12:34 PM | Comments (1)

DON'T WATCH THE SHOW ON THAT GUY

I'll tell you who I'm talking about, but I'm not naming names. This guy lives (and kills) for the chance to see his story on TV. And I for one am not going to give him even the satisfaction of ever seeing his name here, let alone will I watch "his story" on national television.

He's probably having wet dreams knowing they made a movie about him. Do you know who I'm talking about? I'm talking about that guy who murdered John Lennon. I won't say his name, and I won't say what network or day or time the movie is going to air.

This guy murdered John Lennon and he did it for publicity. He admitted that. He wanted so badly to be famous that he killed for it. This guy had a back-up hit list in case he wasn't able to snuff Mr Lennon. Journalist Jack Jones who has followed this guy's case for 10 years has noted that this list included Jackie Onassis, George C. Scott and Johnny Carson. Jones says: "He killed Lennon in part because he wanted to rob the rock legend of a portion of his fame...When [this guy] killed John Lennon, he said...that if he would have been able to get his hands on an atomic bomb, he would have used it to kill millions of innocent people. He knew and he consciously reasoned, that by murdering John Lennon he could inflict pain on millions of Beatles fans all over the world."

And what, now we're going to give it to him, the fame he wanted to steal? The pain he wanted to inflict? His name should never have even been given to the general public. His story should never be told for profit. His story should never be TOLD!!!

Some say this guy is not responsible for his actions due to mental illness. I say, I don't care, let him rot in his prison cell. They keep him in a protected cell so other inmates can't kill him. I say, do us all a favor and put him in with the general prison population.

But the greatest punishment for this guy would be to never have anyone talk about him, write about him, make a movie about him, mention his name, ever again.... I'm mad that I have to write about it here! But I really feel the need to spread the word, DON'T WATCH THIS GODDAMN MOVIE!

This guy murdered a peaceful man. John Lennon's whole life was centered around spreading peace, creating peace, living peace. This was a man who told the world in 1969: "You're all beautiful and you're all geniuses." He hated no one. I loved him, I don't know anyone who didn't love him a little if not a lot. He was more than just a celebrity or an icon, famous for being famous; he really did bring something to the table.

And this guy cleared that table with four bullets. He did this 25 years ago almost to this day and I still miss John. This guy stole John Lennon from his wife, sons, and the world, and we can't get him back, but we sure as hell can NOT give this guy the time of day.

And that's all I'm going to say about this guy.

I miss you, John!

Posted by at 08:57 AM | Comments (0)

Ripped From the Headlines!

I couldn't help noticing how many intriguing headlines in today's online edition. Woolly bully!

ONLY 3,249 MORE TO GO
A plane recently crashed into the Walmart in Manchester, NH. Clearly, God saw the PBS documentary.
**************************

MOM AND DAD ARE SO PROUD
This overachiever is destined for greatness. He probably dozed off while preparing his acceptance speech.

...FOR THE DARWIN AWARD!
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MOM AND DAD REALLY ARE SO PROUD
I'd like to see a reality show where Bill Gates is looking for an heir. Maybe we could nominate this whiz kid for the show. I wonder if he babysits?
**************************

PROOF THERE IS A GOD, AND HE IS A LOVING GOD
You see, He didn't really want to hurt anybody. He just hates Walmart.
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THE "IN" PLACE TO GO AFTER HITTING THE GYM
Why bother with a shower in order to go out after working out at the Portsmouth Athletic Club? You can just walk next door to the Brewery Tavern Lane and jump right in to the fun! Who needs clean?

Posted by at 01:53 PM | Comments (0)

You Say Hero, I Say Hoo-Ha

I was cleaning the house waiting for Law & Order, SVU and I had PBS on the telly. There was some ceremony going on. I was in the kitchen, but I overheard, "Presidential Medal of Freedom." Now, I work for the military, but I was not really familiar with this medal, so I scooted out to the living room, hoping to see some heroes. I love real life heroes. Instead, I saw President George W. draping a glorious looking medal around the neck of...

...the Sheriff of Mayberry? That's right folks, the Medal of Freedom being awarded to Andy Griffith. Why? I had to ask. My first research into this obviously prestigious award led me to the actual recipients. Here's the AP release:

WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush on Thursday announced the recipients of this year's Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civil award.

Those to be honored at a White House ceremony this coming Wednesday are:

-Muhammad Ali. The three-time heavyweight boxing champion successfully defended the title 19 times and was a gold medalist at the 1960 Olympic Games.

-Carol Burnett. The actress and comedian debuted on Broadway in 1959 and starred for more than a decade on "The Carol Burnett Show."

-Vinton Cerf and Robert Kahn. They designed the software code used to transmit data over the Internet.

-Robert Conquest. The historian is known for his work on Soviet history, politics, and foreign policy. More than 35 years after its publication, his book, "The Great Terror: Stalin's Purge of the Thirties," remains one of the most influential studies of Soviet history.

-Aretha Franklin. The singer has nearly two dozen No. 1 singles and has won numerous awards. Franklin was the first woman to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame.

-Alan Greenspan. He has been chairman of the Federal Reserve for the past 18 years.

-Andy Griffith. The actor first achieved national acclaim in the 1950s for his standup comedy routines. He went on to star in television shows such as "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Matlock" and numerous Broadway productions and films.

-Paul Harvey. The radio personality's broadcasts started airing nationally in 1951.

-Sonny Montgomery. A veterans' supporter during his 30 years as a member of the House of Representatives. The Montgomery GI Bill helped make education affordable for millions of veterans.

-Gen. Richard Myers. He recently retired as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

-Jack Nicklaus. The golfer won 18 major tournament as professional as well as won more than 70 PGA Tour events.

-Frank Robinson. The current manager of the Washington Nationals, Robinson won most valuable player awards in both the American and National leagues. He broke the color barrier for managers, becoming the first black manager in Major League Baseball in 1975.

-Paul Rusesabagina. The hotelier's life was the subject of the movie "Hotel Rwanda," which depicted his courage and compassion in sheltering people at the hotel he managed during the 1994 Rwandan genocide.

The Medal of Freedom, established by President Truman in 1945 to recognize civilians for their efforts during World War II. The award was reinstated by President Kennedy in 1963 to honor distinguished service.
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Okay, so we have some genuine heroes here. We have two guys who designed code to transmit data over the internet - that's big, maybe not hero big, but really big. We have a man who wrote one of the most influential Soviet history studies. We have an ACTUAL hero in my book, Mr Montgomery, of Montgomery G.I. Bill fame - allowing millions of soldiers an education in return for their service. We have a retired General, and we have the man whose life "Hotel Rwanda" was based on - and if you've seen the movie - well, he's a hero. Frank Robinson - he broke racial barriers in the sports world (though I consider the sports world less than heroic).

Alan Greenspan? Sure, why not, he's had a tough job, pushing capitalism through even our darkest economic hours. Hate or love him, he's put his life on the line - as chairman of the Federal Reserve, I'm sure he's been in someone's gun sight more than once.

Then there are people that I just can't figure out. All I can see is that they are big celebrities. I'm not dissing their hard, lives' work. All the celebs that were honored surely put in a lifetime of entertainment. Paul Harvey? He talks on the radio and makes old people laugh. He's the funny Walter Cronkite. He has a great delivery of truly good stories. But a hero? Muhammad Ali - he's a boxer. He won, a lot. He's cute, and funny. He won a gold medal at the Olympics. I don't want to say, "big deal," but... we have a LOT of gold medal winners from Olympics past, and none of them were at this ceremony. Aretha, baby, I just LOOOOVE Aretha, she has my utmost R-E-S-P-E-C-T (sorry, just had to do it), but she's a singer. A hero? Carol Burnett? She surely made my whole family laugh for many years. But a hero? Jack Nicklaus? Andy Griffith? Am I missing something?

Maybe I am, I know these people spent a lot of time entertaining us, but I believe that something so heady as a Presidential Medal of Freedom should be a little more reserved. Millions of people retire after a lifetime of serving others. They're not in the spotlight so they don't get the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

As I watched Andy Griffith receiving this medal, I swear to God he looked embarrassed. Hella embarrassed, like someone receiving praise that belonged to someone else. I would have given money to read his thoughts. Andy: "I shouldn't be up here. I'm just a crusty old actor who farts and fluffs the blankets on my wife." Of course, if he did feel that way, he might have respectfully declined the medal. Ah, well.

According the the webpage, it's really up to the president to choose and guidelines are vague. Originally, they weren't. The original recipient was a war hero. According to the website: "The medal was established by President Truman in 1945 to recognize notable service in the war. In 1963, President John F. Kennedy reintroduced it as an honor for distinguished civilian service in peacetime."

Maybe I'm just being picky but I think celebrities get enough (unwarranted) kudos. And George W. is just showing his brilliant deductive skills again. I'm sure he grew up watching the Sheriff of Mayberry and maybe had a little mom-crush on Aunt Bea. Whatever. Just my thoughts.

Back to you, Kelly.

:)

Posted by at 11:45 AM | Comments (2)

Let's Hear if for November 8th!

Some great initiatives were passed and some terrible ideas shot down yesterday. Among them, my favorite - the holy rollers were told (though by a scarily thin margin) that they are WRONG. Maine's Anti-Discrimination Act STANDS.

Here's another goodie - Ogunquit , has voted down fast food chains. If only other communities could do the same. Then, teenagers would have to get jobs as actual waiters in real restaurants and learn something other than asking "will that be all?" and operating a cash register.

Kittery is getting a couple of new fire stations. Nothing wrong with spending tax dollars on updating old and obtaining new equipment to save lives and property. Kittery still has a volunteer fire department. Says a lot about this lovely community.

Of course, I'm glad I'm not a Lewiston resident. They had to choose a mayor - and their choices were an alleged groping bigot or a man convicted of crimes ranging from assault to engaging a prostitute. The (alleged) groper won. Time to move to Auburn?

Ahhh. November 8th. No other day says "America" like voting day. No matter how small the issue, no matter how insignificant the position on the ballot (town sewer custodian?) may seem, it's good to exercise the right to vote.

I stood in my rickety little ballot closet last night in the gymnasium of the church annex, marking off my choices, listening to my seven year old bouncing the basketball that the elderly volunteer had given him to play with. My son was running around the gym, trying to make baskets, squeaking his sneakers, slamming the ball. I poked my head out from the curtain and said, "Honey, please shush! You're making so much racket, you might be bothering people who are voting." And the old man replied, "Ma'am, he's fine. Everyone's fine, don't worry. We're all just glad you all are here. Son, you go ahead and play if it's okay with your mama." It was.

What makes people go out and vote? Read some opinions here. For me, it's just the feeling of liberation, of being an American and being able to make the ultimate statement of what I believe in, and a love of that old gymnasium and the old folks who set it up faithfully for us every voting season.

Posted by at 10:25 AM | Comments (0)

HOW WILL YOU VOTE TODAY?

I don't know how much of a turn out the polls will have today. Representation has been pretty bleah if you ask me. A smattering of "VOTE FOR ME" signs on the edges of little traffic islands, and a couple of flyers in the mail are all I've seen (but then, if you follow my blog at all, you know how much TV I watch). I have received exactly two flyers in the mail for town representatives and I am going to vote for them. I have no idea what their ideologies are, frankly, but they took the time to bother to try and convince me, put together a professional looking flyer, and they aren't Nazis, so they are getting my vote. Now, down to the big vote in Maine. If you are a Maine citizen and vote on nothing else, I suggest you vote on #1, the referendum to appeal Maine's current anti-discrimination law. No or yes? You be the judge.

The following was taken from the "Maine Won't Discriminate" website:

What does the law say?
Many people are confused because the opposition is blatantly lying about what Maine's anti-discrimination law says. To help you learn the truth, we have provided three key excerpts from the law, "An Act To Extend Civil Rights Protections to All People Regardless of Sexual Orientation." Link here, if you want to read the law in its entirety.

"Be it enacted by the People of the State of Maine as follows:

"To protect the public health, safety and welfare, it is declared to be the policy of this State to keep continually in review all practices infringing on the basic human right to a life with dignity, and the causes of these practices, so that corrective measures may, where possible, be promptly recommended and implemented, and to prevent discrimination in employment, housing or access to public accommodations on account of race, color, sex, sexual orientation, physical or mental disability, religion, ancestry or national origin; and in employment, discrimination on account of age or because of the previous assertion of a claim or right under former Title 39 or Title 39-A and in housing because of familial status; and to prevent discrimination in the extension of credit on account of age, race, color, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, religion, ancestry or national origin; and to prevent discrimination in education on account of sex, sexual orientation or physical or mental disability."

"Discrimination in employment, housing, public accommodation, credit and educational opportunity on the basis of sexual orientation, except that a religious corporation, association or organization that does not receive public funds is exempt from this provision."

"Sexual orientation" means a person's actual or perceived heterosexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality or gender identity or expression."

In a legal memorandum released today, leading members of Maine's legal community conclude that "the addition of sexual orientation to Maine's non-discrimination law provides no legal basis for same-sex marriage." The memo reviewed Maine's Anti-Discrimination and specifically, compared it to the Massachusetts Supreme Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage. The answer is clear -- Maine's Anti-Discrimination Act prohibits discrimination based upon sexual orientation in employments, housing, credit, public accommodations and education -- nothing more, nothing less.

"Their legal analysis shows that claims that same-sex marriage is somehow tied to Maine's Anti-Discrimination Act are simply untrue ," began Ted O'Meara, Senior Advisor to Maine Won't Discriminate. "It's time we finally start having an honest discussion about what this law really does and the real people it protects.." Maine voters deserve an honest discussion about the merits of the anti-discrimination law, not the campaign of fiction and fear and misstatements that we have seen so far from those who want to repeal this law.

"The reality is that the Yes on 1 campaign does not want to have an open and frank debate about whether or not it should be legal to discriminate against people simply because they are gay. They won't talk about the true issues involving Question 1, because they know that most Mainers believe that discrimination is wrong and should be illegal," concluded O'Meara. "The legal analysis released today removes the smokescreen they have been hiding behind since their campaign began."

The legal memorandum, written by forty-six lead attorneys in the state, concludes that same-sex marriage and the Massachusetts Supreme Court decision, Goodridge v. Dept. of Public Health are unrelated to this November's referendum.

Maine Won't Discriminate is a broad-based, bipartisan coalition of Maine citizens, businesses, religious and political groups organized to defeat the campaign to repeal Maine's Anti-Discrimination Law, which prohibits discrimination based upon sexual orientation in employment, housing, education, credit and public accommodation.

**********************

The following was taken from their adversarial website "Coalition for Marriage"

Why does a YES vote mean No?

It's one of those frustrating Augusta political realities that goes along with running a republic. The rules say that the group or individual doing the initiating of a referendum question are the ones who get the YES vote. Our vote is odd and rare. It is odd because we are initiating a negative. It is rare because this vote is a people's veto. The best way to think of it is that you are voting YES to repeal special rights that are based on a citizen's "sexual orientation."

The law contains language that indicates that it doesn't have anything to do with "same sex marriage." Why do you say we have to vote YES to protect marriage?

A disingenuous amendment was added to this law just before the legislature passed it in the spring. Elected officials who lack the courage to defend their principles supported it. Most of them support "same sex marriage" but they believe the people of Maine aren't as enlightened as they are, yet. The Governor says that he "supports same sex marriage, just not now." These very same individuals forced marriage supporters to gather signatures for a second time in an unprecedented SECOND peoples veto of a law that had been rejected TWICE in the past seven years in statewide voting. Passage of this law is guaranteed to bring on "same sex marriage" in a very short period of time. Everyone admits that, on both sides. Click here to read our chairman's commentary on this topic.

Is there discrimination in Maine?

Against Christians who dare to publicly defend the gospel, yes. Against "gays" . . . no way. Maine citizens who are appropriate (private) about their sexuality have always been respected in Maine. One of the celebrated cases of "discrimination" against "gays" is a case where two men were kissing in a public parking lot. One of the two men claims publicly that the insurance company who employed him fired him because of the public lip lock. We are skeptical of the claim and find it hard to believe that the employer would fire them for that reason. We also think it is wrong for two men to kiss on the lips in a public parking lot. Shoot, we even think that MEN AND WOMEN should be discreet when kissing in public. Another celebrated case involves a hotel on the coast of Maine. Our attorney made some phone calls to check it out. The case is bogus. For more on this question click here.

Protecting homosexuals and giving them the right to marry won't harm your family. Why do you care?

We could do no better answering this question than Pastor Sandy Williams did in his commentary entitled "What Harm Would it Do?" Here it is:

Let’s consider the question as it relates to two specific concerns:

1. You’ve probably heard the question often: what harm could same-sex marriage possibly do to your heterosexual marriage? The implied answer is: no harm at all.

But it’s a lot like asking: what harm could counterfeit money do to the genuine currency in your wallet? The answer is NOT “no harm at all”.

In one sense, counterfeit money used by someone else has no direct or immediate affect on the genuine currency I possess. My money is still just as good for use.

It’s the indirect (vs. direct) and ultimate (vs. immediate) impact that we must also consider. Counterfeit money indirectly and ultimately devalues all money.

Same sex “marriage” (there really is no such thing) or even same sex erotic partnerships are a counterfeit or imitation of the beautiful and valuable institution we call marriage—the unique union of a male and a female in heart, body and mind. Same sex unions often imitate marriage, but can never duplicate it.

2. What harm could the adoption of the sexual orientation law possibly do to anybody? It simply prevents someone from being discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation when it comes to housing, credit, public accommodation and employment—what’s wrong with that?

The biggest thing wrong with that is that it’s based on a lie. The lie is that all sexual orientations are created equal. Homosexuality, bisexuality and trans-gendered sexuality are all disordered sexualities.

It’s not wrong or hateful or bigoted to say that. It’s premised on what has been one of the most basic beliefs of all human beings who have ever lived: humans are male and female and are meant to couple together in marriage.

It’s not rocket science. Children—no less than youth and adults—intuitively recognize the normalcy of a mother and a father. They must be taught and pressured to think otherwise.

*******************

HOOOOOKay.... So, These Coalition for Marriage people are really trying to convince us they are not bigoted. Maybe not hateful, but not bigoted?? Come on! They believe homosexuals are "disordered personalities" and we should accept them if they stay in the closet (be discreet). They claim that equal rights should be considered "special" rights when it comes to gay people.

And the Maine Won't Discriminate camp just wants to keep the law as it is.

Frankly, I am "media-challenged" and do not have as much background on this subject as I wish I did now that I've really started reading about it. I will be voting NO on #1. I say keep the law the way it is. I won't vote for discrimination, I won't vote to rescind the anti-discrimination law. I don't want to pave the way for holy-rolling closet bigots to tell the state that it can choose who to serve, rent to, hire, fire, etc. based on their sexual orientation.

As Napoleon Dynamite would say "Do what you want! GOSH!" But I'd rather say, do what you KNOW is right!! GOSH!!

Posted by at 03:05 PM | Comments (0)

Best Time Ever!

Yeah, I have to share! I didn't get to sleep until 6 AM on Sunday morning. We got lost coming out of Boston, partly because we missed an exit, partly because we were so giddy from the concert. By the time I made it home I was so hyped up on caffeine I was in an overdose state and unable to sleep at all. I didn't care. I'd just been to the best concert in my entire life.

I sold half my CD collection and several other items on ebay in order to buy these tickets and afford the other things that went along with going to the concert.

Tickets: $150
Parking: $30
T-Shirts: $40
Boarding for dogs: $75
Dunkins: $20
Opportunity to see Ben Folds perform 15 feet away from my face with a theater full of other die hard fans: Freakin' Priceless!

Up until I actually walked into the theater, I was suffering twinges of guilt at all the money that went into the evening. Once I entered the Orpheum, however, the magic began to kick in and a feeling of teenage recklessness began to overtake me. I haven't gone so overboard since my late teens/early twenties, and probably never will again. I have to honestly say, every single cent was worth it.

There were two opening acts, each to me nothing but torture, and I was seriously considering submitting an itemized bill to Mr. Folds to subtract from the funds I'd spent to see only him. I'd expected one act, but two? Come on!! I wasn't the only one that felt this way -- the lobby was crowded with people drinking Red Hook and eating hot dogs, buying T-shirts and bitching about the opening acts. I'd hate to have been one of the openers. My friend actually liked the second act and bought a CD. I snorted with disdain. "Do what you want!", I said, "GOSH!", in true Napoleon Dynamite style. I held her beer in the lobby so she could go in the theatre and listen to them. WhatEVER. I helped myself to half her beer in self-reward.

While waiting for the Man, I enjoyed smiling at the multitude of Ben Folds wannabes, scores of trust-fund pretty boys trying to be ugly with their nerdy clothes and bad haircuts. I pondered how many of their glasses were actually prescription. I spent what seemed like an eternity people-watching and trying to pick out the few men/boys who were being themselves and/or genuine geeks. I even spotted one guy with a "Brooks & Dunn" T-shirt, hmmm. I also discovered that my outfit perfectly matched the decor of the ladies room, neon green and black & white, with pink accents. Coincidence?

Finally, at about 8:45 they blinked the lights and I scrambled to pull up my pants in the ladies room and dash into the theater to our most excellent seats. Some kids had bogarted our seats, but the aisle seats in our row were gloriously untaken so we took those and graciously allowed the squatters to stay. Ben walked on the stage, dressed in Dickies and a sweater, finger pointed in the air in his signature dorky salute and the theater just went insane.

The music began for the first song "Bastard" from his new album "Songs for Silverman," and - GASP - NO SOUND FROM HIS MICROPHONE - I thought there would be a stampede, but thank God the sound guy fixed it right away and Ben's voice came through on the second lyric. The crowd sang along to every single word and every single song thereafter.

Ben is such an incredible performer. His fingertips are taped to keep his fingernails attached to his fingers. He played the piano with such a ferocious virtuosity that it seemed unreal he could be doing this live, and singing at the same time.

Halfway through his show he pulled off his sweater to reveal his typical white Hanes T-shirt and the crowd went nuts again, as if he were a male stripper. He kept the audience involved, too. For his song, "Army," which he played sans band, he hopped up onto his piano and coached the audience to sing, "ba ba bas" and had the audience divided up into different halves, (half of us trumpets, the other half saxophones). The effect was magical and we just went wild.

At times we were singing along with him so loudly we could hear ourselves through the sound system, and he would get this huge, shit-eating grin on his face, much as I know I would if I were in his position. This is the shit, he must have been thinking.

This was the shit. I am still grinning. I am still singing. My little boy came home Sunday evening from spending the weekend with his dad and said, "So, how was the nerd, Mommy?" and I just smiled and hugged him. Oh, to be such a nerd.

I highly recommend the deluxe "Songs for Silverman" set for a Ben Folds primer, which includes an AWESOME DVD on the making of the CD. The DVD gives an excellent portrait of Ben the artist, the comedian, the father (includes adorable footage with his twins).

Note: Unfortunately I didn't bring a camera, I was afraid it would be confiscated, stolen, etc. I saw lots of people with camera phones and what-not (techno-phobe that I am, I have no camera phone). So the photos I have here are ones that I have downloaded from the internet, I extend my sincere thanks to all the people who graciously posted them. They are true and accurate representations of the fantastic show I went to Saturday night. Except for the blue and brown t-shirt. :)

Posted by at 09:39 AM | Comments (1)

Note to Self: Oh Say, Can You See?

I attended a military retirement ceremony today that made me really think hard about my own circumstances. It was quite touching. A captain that has been stationed here at my squadron for four years retired today after 23 years of service.

It seemed like his entire family was there. His wife, his two children, sister, mom, dad, etc. all were in attendance and bursting with pride. He had asked me to sing the national anthem for the ceremony and I gladly accepted; I like the guy a lot.

I had gotten no further than "what so proudly we hailed" when I noticed his wife starting to sob into a tissue, trying to keep her composure, keep her eyes on the flag. But her eyes kept wandering over to her husband, who out of formal ceremony had to be seated in another section of the theater with the commander, away from her.

Her tears continued to fall all through the entire ceremony, which included comments from the commander, a flag-folding ceremony, presentation of gifts from other members, and finally parting comments from the captain himself. He offered a few sentences about serving his country proudly and his different jobs and then went straight into his main reason for being where he was today - his wife.

With obvious pride and love, he talked about how she had sacrificed her college career for his, so that he could leave the enlisted life and pursue officership. He talked about how she had been left alone to sell the house, raise the two children, and manage the finances while he was at officer training school. He talked about his reason for turning down the rank of major which he had been awarded earlier this year and retiring instead, so that his wife could finally pursue her career as well, and their children would no longer have to be without their dad.

All through his speech, his eyes never left his wife. When he was finished she burst out of her chair to run up and embrace him. Their children, ages 9 and 7, ran up to join them as well. It was definitely a moment. Then, to top it all off, he presented a slide show with photos taken throughout his military career and ending with his marriage and baby photos. It was so moving.

It got me thinking about being a single person, a single parent. My kids will never know the feeling of unity that his kids do. Sure, my son is secure knowing that his dad and I form a united front, we raise him jointly, we don't fight, everything we do regarding our son we do it together. But it's not the same, is it?

I'm so proudly single, so stuck in my ways. I'm so strong that I will never feel what it's like to let myself go weak in the arms of a husband. I'm so right that I will never have anyone to argue with me or let me know that I'm wrong.

Am I right? Am I right?

Yeah, I'm lonely, and I'm right.

LARGER THAN LIFE c 2005

V1
I don’t know where I got this stupid idea
Seemed at the time to be pretty clear
It was just the right thing to do at the time
That room was unbearably larger than life
I put up a wall where there shouldn’t be one

V2
This wall has become an unwanted addition
Though it’s clearly performed its intended mission
Now I bump my head on it every night
And the plants won’t grow because it blocks all the light
Now it’s the wall that’s so much larger than life

CHORUS (Ch):
Seems to me now to be pretty clear
This wall wasn’t one of my brightest ideas
Don’t have an answer to what made me do it
Some day I’ll tear it down I swear
To get to it

Bridge:
What used to be hours has turned into years
I can’t even tell the time around here
With this ridiculous wall that conveniently hides
And keeps me from ever seeing the light

V3:
Now this wall is like an ill-advised friend
The kind that won’t ever let you win in the end
On one hand you thank god there’s someone that cares
On the other you wish to god that they weren’t there

CH (x2)
Seems to me now to be pretty clear
This wall wasn’t one of my brightest ideas
Don’t have an answer to what made me do it
Some day I’ll tear it down I swear
To get to it

Posted by at 04:45 PM | Comments (2)

I Really Really Really Wanna Thank You

I think everyone must have a special untouchable someone they look up to. By untouchable I mean, a celebrity, author, songwriter, actor, religious figure, what have you. My idols have always tended to be musicians.

Now, I'm not talking about singers and poser bands. People like Ashlee and Jessica Simpson and any of the current line up of Weezer wannabe emo-hos (Hey Keane - Weezer rocks! You don't!) People who sing formulaic songs that other people wrote for them have never had my respect. Bands who blatantly imitate other, better bands have never had any of my respect (I don't mean when a band takes its influence from another, I mean totally bogarting a sound). In fact, I'd prefer to hear anyone sing their own highly original song completely off key than listen to Kelly Clarkson or the Maroon Five sing ANYTHING. (Do you want to know "The day the music died?" The night "American Idol" premiered).

I have awesome tickets to see one of my idols, Ben Folds, this coming Saturday. I've been practically shaking with anticipation over this event. None of my friends are big fans and I've been working on one of my friends off and on for the past month or two to get her ready for the big show. Every time she comes over I've got him in the CD player, with a song I just know she'll like queued up and ready to go. I think she's starting to appreciate him and I know she's going to enjoy the concert, if not as much as I.

Anyway, Ben Folds is probably one of the dorkiest people in the world. He weighs 90 lbs soaking wet, with bad hair and birth control glasses and he plays rock music on a real piano. His voice goes off center all the time. I don't care. His lyrics and music can transport me, make me think, make me cry, make me laugh out loud. He's just f*cking brilliant. My little boy asked me where I was going this weekend and I said, "Oh, I'm so excited, I'm going to see Ben Folds, baby!" To which he replied, "You mean the nerd?" (He's seen all the liner notes and came to this conclusion all on his own). My oldest son's quote: "Mom you are the only person I know who can manage to be so cool and so gay at the same time." [gay=dorky in his language]. But hey, that's probably why I love Ben Folds!

I have a list of artists that have influenced me in so many ways thoughout my childhood and now into adulthood. I won't include the punk and new wave bands that I was so loyal to in the eighties because (with a few exceptions) let's face it, they didn't last.

The Beatles - taught me how to harmonize, laid the foundation for my songwriting. Loved anything but mostly the love songs. My mom listened to their love songs all the time. "Meet the Beatles" was a record I stole from her and played all the time. You can't get a much sweeter introduction to music at the age of 9. Thanks, Mom! Of course as I got older I delved into the more sophisticated stuff. When John Lennon died I wanted to die too. I can't believe he's been gone so long. And now George too.

Johnny Cash & Willie Nelson - These two guys are responsible for some of my earliest warm fuzzies about music. I put these two together because they will always be together in my mind. My dad used to play guitar and sing songs to me when I was very wee and his repertoire always included Johnny and Willie. ("play donnie tash, Daddy!") A Boy Named Sue to get me laughing, and Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain to get me to sleep. Oh man! Thanks, Daddy.

Elvis - My cousin Lisa had the most extensive Elvis collection I've ever seen to this day. I wonder if she still has it. I swear, piles and piles of albums stacked up almost to the ceiling in her room. I used to love listening to the really cheesy stuff too, like Blue Hawaii and Viva Las Vegas, but I was always drawn to his super-early blues ("Love Me" is still a favorite). He's responsible for helping me form a sense of rhythm.

Elton John - "Captain Fantastic" set the stage for me to learn about showmanship. I would stare mesmerized at his big feathery glasses and platform boots, watching Tommy and listening to all the really great old stuff. Some people dis Elton for "selling out" over the years, and I haven't liked what he's written since about 1979, but give the guy a break, he's old now. If he wants to write Disney love songs, he's earned it.

Billy Joel - Punker that I was, I still had Billy 45s in my collection. "My Life" "Anthony's Song," "She's Got a Way". The media has a ball poking fun at Billy now with his bloated face and drinking habit, but I think he's always been just a lonely, gentle soul. My motto during a lot of my tumultuous adolescence? "Mama if that's movin' up than I'm movin' out!"

Jackson 5/Michael Jackson - Don't laugh. Again, punker that I was, I had Thriller and everything before that. After Thriller the "thrill" wore off. I still don't know if Jackson is a writer, but I don't care. He had style, man.

The Cure - Robert Smith, pioneer, cockatiel, freakshow... and brilliant artist, period.

Depeche Mode - I still listen to "Black Celebration" and "Some Great Reward" on a regular basis and you just can't beat "Personal Jesus" for a great clean-your-house song. Martin Gore is a Robert Smith who just couldn't quite make it to the finish line, too busy shooting up. But a great artist nonetheless.

Tori Amos - My goddess, my queen influence of all time. Every single Tori album has taken me through a period in my life that bears great import. I can take a memory from every single track on every single album she has in the U.S. I've seen her in concert 5 times and every time she just flies. I hated Tori at first, I never would listen to a complete song, my bandmate tried to get me into her and I would say, "Turn it off, that sucks!" Then my bandmate had an extra ticket to a concert (at the Wang, no less) that was just Tori and her Bosendorfer piano, no band. She begged me to go. I said, what the hell. Within three songs I was in tears, moved by her beautiful voice, beautiful playing, beautiful persona. By the end of the show I was a convert and I've never looked back.

Ani DiFranco - Ani can be a bit preachy, but her smooth delivery and beautiful voice carry her message without annoying. And good Christ, if you ever google her CD library (google Righteous Babe Records) you will be overwhelmed. She has more CDs than just about any indie artist out there. And guess what? She did it all on her own. Showing her butt to an industry that thumbed their noses at her nose rings, green hair and angry folk music, she formed her own record company and definitely had the last laugh. Ani is the most successful truly independent folk artist in this country, perhaps the world.

Aimee Mann - Aimee got her start in a cheesy 80s band called 'Til Tuesday, maybe you remember their big single "Voices Carry." Eewww! I never gave her a second thought until, again, my bandmate gave me one of her solo CDs. What a songwriter! This chick is the most talented songwriter in the USA today, in my humble opinion. She has it ALL, timing, rhyming, content, irony, talent, EVERYTHING. And she writes it all. Again, someone whose voice goes off key, but who cares? I have more respect for Aimee Mann than anyone else in the business.

Patty Griffin - Just the name Patty Griffin can give me a shiver. This girl's voice is a gift from God himself. That can be the only explanation. And her songwriting -- I can't describe it. Patty tends to write sad songs, and in fact often jokes about eschewing depression meds in order to write better songs. But who cares... she can transport me to another universe in three notes or less. Another one I've seen in concert several times. And each time I end up in tears (the good kind, I promise).

Emmylou Harris - One of my major concert coups was snagging an Emmlou Harris concert with Patty Griffin as an opener. I didn't sleep for days! Emmylou started her career in traditional country music, singing other people's songs in the traditional country genre. Emmylou has come a LONG way from there and writes her own material now. Her voice is supernatural.

Although I don't have time or resources to find images to share, I'd also like to give a humongous virtual hug to the local bands & personalities that I have known, still adore, look up to and in some way or other have influenced me, unfortunately they're all disbanded but fortunately, you can catch the fantastic artists still humping their acts around town in one form or another... The Knives (Chris and Greg Elliot I love you), the Olivz (Leo Ganley), the Cause (Bruce Hilton), Heavens to Murgatroid (Rick Twombley, Tim McCoy, Tim Therriault, etc), Puddles of Joy (Brian Scanlon, Curt Hanig), and Truffle (Dave Gerard) (still around!).

Well, I could go on and on and I'm sure once I hit the "post" button I'll smack my head with someone I forgot about. I wish I could take every single musician I've mentioned here and kiss him or her, thank them, tell them how much they've influenced my life. But I can't, so I'll have to content myself with this little love letter to them.

I'd love to hear from other people out there, who they idolize (doesn't have to be musicians!) and why.

As for me, think of me this Saturday, I'll be Rocking the Suburbs with my man Ben.

Posted by at 11:42 AM | Comments (7)