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Super Girls

These are my friends. They have all faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles and challenges and come through with flying colors. They are listed in alphabetical order, as I could not choose who makes me proudest to know them. I am lucky to know these fantastic women. Wonder Women!

Supergirl #1: Debby

I’ve known Debby since kindergarten. Our fathers were both in the Air Force and we were stationed together twice. We kept up our friendship and ended up settling in the same area.

Debby found herself pregnant shortly after high school. At the tender age of 19, she was sure that she wanted to keep this baby. She knew she’d have the support of her family but she would have to do this on her own. At the time she worked for a Durham day care caring for Durham’s elite children. The staff fired her when they learned of her pregnancy. A pregnant, single young woman minding children for UNHs best? They thought it wouldn’t look good. They showed her the door.

She went on to marry a man with THREE young children of his own. She helped support her husband through police academy while living in a tiny apartment and and with full custody of all four kids. Debby went on to earn two Associates, Early Childhood Education and Human Services and a Bachelor's in Behavioral Science. She's currently earning her Masters in Community Mental Health Counseling. She is the Director of the child care center at a major regional hospital. Her baby is now a strapping 6’2” young man and they are all doing just fine in their own home now. Thank you, Durham day care for your short sightedness. Supergirl!

Supergirl #2: Heather

Heather is my songwriting partner. I met her when she was just 20 and frail as a spiderweb. She had had to leave Berklee College of Music after two years due to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. She had the worst case I’d ever heard about. We used to have to literally carry her sometimes. She also had severe blood glucose issues. Still, she played in and managed our band, took charge in the recording studio and played gig after gig, as we travelled all over New England. She would have to leave the stage mid-set sometimes being so ill. She still stuck with it.

One day Heather decided she’d had enough of being sick and took charge of her health. She beat the CFS and started excelling at kickboxing. She went back to school and, supporting herself, earned her degree in Kinesiology, all the while pursuing a career as EMT. She is now pursuing a higher degree and EMTs with the best of them in Manch-Vegas. She looks so cute in her little blue suit, but don’t let her size fool you. I know that she carries 300 pound patients on a daily basis and drives that ambulance through Boston hospital district rush hour like a mean machine.

Of course, I should mention she's one of the most brilliant guitarists and songwriters I know. Supergirl!

Supergirl #3: Michelle

Michelle is one of my favorite people! I’ve never known anyone with a more positive, upbeat attitude nor have I known a more creative person. She owns a home that she decorated top to bottom herself, and her garden is to die for. Michelle is a designer and was employed by an elite builder in Portsmouth. She found herself in the position of starting her own business – the week before Christmas! Our gain.

She jumped in with both hands and feet, finally able to create on her own terms, free of corporate restraint. She is the successful owner and operator of her own designing firm, www.MichelleShieldsDesign.com. Please, do yourself a favor and check out her website and see some of her beautiful, unbelievable work! Supergirl!

Supergirl #4: ‘Pril

‘Pril is a study in contradictions. So feminine with her soft auburn hair and clear blue eyes, she even has little freckles on her nose. She leaves men breathless behind her and knocking at her door long after she’s moved on. Her house has floral motifs and potpourri. Yet at any time, you’ll see her hockey sticks, karate belt or hiking gear leaning up against the wall. What? Hockey? That’s right. Don’t be seduced into the notion that you are stronger than she simply because she has such lovely girly curves. You’ll be embarrassed! I met ‘Pril while dating my youngest son’s father and we instantly hit it off. We found that we shared a love of songwriting and I learned that ‘Pril plays a beautiful guitar. She has a voice that makes birds stop and listen.

‘Pril is a recently single girl, and watch out mankind! She has always taken everything in stride. ‘Pril owns a beautiful log cabin in the woods that she bought in her own name after many months of determined budgeting & saving. ‘Pril is active in animal welfare and has several incredible hobbies. She worked her way up from being an administrative temp to a sweet position with a local corporate giant. She’s still climbing that ladder also, earning a higher degree and, well, making it on her own terms. Big time. Supergirl!

Supergirl #5: Sharon

Sharon is one tough cookie. You wouldn’t know it by looking at her petite frame and beautiful, feminine looks. But don’t let those big brown eyes fool you. Sharon has worked her way toward the top and is reaching her destination. While married to her ex, she worked as a baker, a hairdresser, homemaker and finally a political organizer. It was this career path that came between her and her husband – you see, he wanted full control of his little wifey. He would restrict what kind of music they could have, what shows to watch, where she went. He couldn’t stand that she was developing friendships outside his little circle and a mind of her own. They divorced and he told her she wouldn’t ever amount to anything. Wrong!

Sharon is the proud owner of a gorgeous house, sports car and dating life. She worked her way up to software tester and project coordinator/manager with a local technology company, and she’s still climbing that ladder. She’s finishing up her degree in Computer Science and still dabbles in politics. She's fast becoming a master of percussion with a sweet sense of rhythm. Oh, and all the while raising two fantastic teenage boys. Take that, Brad, you little, little man. Supergirl!

Supergirl #6: Tina

I met Tina at one of our gigs. She was a wild looking thing with blond curls flying everywhere and oblivious to all the men gawking at her. She bought us all drinks and ended up becoming a “fan” -- we could count on her presence at our shows. This turned into a deep friendship when I realized what a hot shit Tina was. If there is something that needs to be said, to anyone, at any time, Tina will say it, and be right about it. I adore her outspokenness.

Tina recently broke out on her own, a newly minted single mother of a 1 year old child. This move took more bravery than she will ever give herself credit for and I look up to her for it. She is rebuilding her life from the ground up and she will never let on how hard it is – but I know she will succeed at anything. She’s a voracious reader and an excellent, dead-on critic. I predict a successful future in the editing/publishing business. We’ll be calling Tina in her NYC office one day. Supergirl!

Supergirls
c 2005

We are Supergirls, we are Wonder Women
Always land on our feet;
Deflect the punches we're given
Throw us off of a building
And we just learn to fly
There's no "S" on our sweaters
But we're still in the sky

We will defend our homes with our super powers
We can go without sleeping for hours and hours
Don't try to put us on the stand and tell us not to speak
We will bust through your buildings if you tell us we're weak

Heading off the storm has become quite the habit
So lightning quick that we can outrun a rabbit
Performing hairpin turns and stopping on dimes
Halting runaway trains and preventing crimes

(ch)
We are Supergirls, we are Wonder Women
Always land on our feet;
Deflect the punches we're given
Throw us off of a building
And we just learn to fly
There's no "S" on our sweaters
But we're still in the sky

Everything we do defies logic and theory
With our bionic vision we’re always the first to see
Our shoulders can hold up a house and all that’s in it
If there is a battle to be had we know we’ll win it

Wouldn’t you like to know the secret that makes us
So soft but strong enough so nothing can shake us
Saving the day after day is simply what we do
How else do you think we could ever get through?

(br)
And if bad things show up at our doors we keep them out
We are brave enough to chase off even shadows of doubts
And we say it again and again til we believe
We are brave enough to go out with our hearts on our sleeves

We are Supergirls, we are Wonder Women
Always land on our feet;
Deflect the punches we're given
Throw us off of a building
And we just learn to fly
There's no "S" on our sweaters
But we're still in the sky

There is no need for golden ropes or brass bracelets
We can fight off pure evil through the will of the Graces
We could but we don't need to save the universe
We are Wonder Women, we are Supergirls.

Posted by at 04:02 PM | Comments (7)

Nowhere Man and Whiskey Girl

There is a soul mate for everyone, or so they say. Not me, for I already had mine. F was my best friend for almost 10 years and my lover off and on throughout. We were friends for several years before ever being romantically involved. No two people ever loved each other more. No two people ever had more fun or laughed together as much. I know I 'll never again meet someone who will love me as much as he did, nor I him. What happened? F is an alcoholic and I was bipolar, a bad mix. Simply put, I had to make a choice and he did too.

Actually F kind of made my choice for me. He eventually drank his way into a tiny hidey-hole of life where he would come home from working construction at about 3:30, after of course stopping by the Big Apple for a 6 or 12 of Busch and refuse to go anywhere or do anything. He’d be ‘faced by 7:30 or so and fall asleep by 8 or 9. Then, up the next morning to do the same.

F managed to find himself a common-law wife and a child. His son eventually brought about a change in F’s behavior. Before little C came along, the two of us would stay out all night hanging out and laughing and playing guitar and listening to Tom Waits. After C came along, we took to hanging out at his house, having a few beers and playing guitar or listening to music there.

F met his common-law wife several years into our relationship and they were always off and on again too, but he continued living with her. N and I got along on careful terms; she knew how much I meant to F and didn’t interfere much. She knew our history and basically had to trust him that we weren’t “fooling around”. She knew that he had three chambers in his heart -- her, little C, and me.

Actually, though, F’s biggest chamber in that old heart ended up being reserved for F. He made concessions to N and C. He stopped going out every night and never drove while drinking. He moved with her from their little apartment in the center of town (easy access for our friends and partying) to a duplex in a rural area of the town. He stayed gainfully employed and gave her his paycheck, after buying his beer. He stopped running to my apartment after they had arguments. But he never did concede to give up the drinking. I remember his eyes actually turning yellow at times toward the end of our relationship, a sure shot that his liver was in jeopardy; still he drank.

F was a brilliant guitarist. He was known in our circles and throughout town to be the best. He had a Les Paul and a Fender. Sometimes we’d put a band together but they never came to fruition. We were more interested in partying, and "band practice" was the perfect excuse to get away from N and reality.

Our favorite instrument though, was a little beat up acoustic of unknown origin, with stickers all over it. We’d sit at the kitchen table and he would play the blues for me to sing. That guitar had a lot of miles on it and my heart belonged to it as well as F.

I remember the end of that guitar. I showed up at he and N’s apartment and it was gone. He sheepishly admitted to smashing it after getting drunk and fighting with N. I was heartbroken but I knew he felt bad enough so I never mentioned it again. Still, he drank.

N was on his case to quit drinking all the time, threatening him with the door. She would call him "Nowhere Man." He never denied he had a problem, in fact was quite open about it, and took the nickname with a sort of twisted pride. F was an honest drunk. He would joke that his liver must look like a wiffle ball. He would say, “So you want me to leave? Okay, but first, I’m going to have another beer.” I think she knew he would choose his alcohol over her, so she never made good on her threats to kick him out. She would bring up little C, “Do you want him to grow up like you?” Of course F did not, C was the center of his universe, I’d never known a father so proud of his son -- but still he drank.

Occasionally, usually after his eyes started yellowing, he would quit for a few days trying to save his liver and for his son's sake. He would go through physical and emotional withdrawals, suffering DTs and depression, and always go back to alcohol in the end.

We were the loves of each other’s lives, but it did not bother me that F moved with N to the duplex in the woods. Before N and then C came along, I’d always assumed that, even though we weren’t always lovers, we would grow old together. Actually, even after N and C came along, it never dawned on me that we wouldn’t grow old together, as the best friends we were. I always thought F would be in my life.

However, my son was getting older and I realized I didn’t want him to grow up thinking it’s okay to be hammered at 7:30, every night. I realized that if I wanted my and my son’s life to ever be normal, I needed to commit to therapy for my own illness, bipolar disorder, and that meant moving away from F and our freewheeling ways. When I started dating my youngest son’s father, and became pregnant, I knew for sure that chapter of my life was coming to a close.

It took so long and was such a slow process that the heartbreak never really happened. We saw less and less of each other as he grew more and more insular with his alcoholism and I had my baby. The last time we saw each other was awkward. He had sold his Les Paul. He had moved on from beer to vodka. He didn’t want to go out to play some pool or even go out at all. His formerly beautiful, expressive eyes had that tell-tale yellow tinge, and my heart felt a stab to see them so. He was weirded out by my having a baby and the fact that I wasn’t the bipolar freakshow I used to be, but a stabilized and responsible grown up. I think we both knew at the time it would be our final meeting.

I will always have a hole in my heart where F used to be, even though F is not the person he was. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in six years and I often wonder how he is. I think that his body had reached the point where very soon he would have to choose sobriety or death. I know death by alcoholism is slow and painful, to the dying person and to his family and friends. I hope he was able to stop for the sake of C.

Can such an alcoholic really quit and lead a normal life? Is it truly a disease and an unstoppable compulsion? I will probably never know the answer to those questions. I know that although he never truly tried to quit with commitment, it nagged his heart. Deep inside, he knew he was choosing alcohol over his beloved son, and it made him feel cowardly, guilty, defensive and angry.

Still, he drank.

WHISKEY GIRL
Nowhere man
And the whiskey girl
Nowhere man
And the whiskey girl
They loaded up for
A weekend in the underworld

I'd take you down
Honey if I could
I'd take you down
Honey if I could
We'd find a place
In the sunshine
We'd be feeling good

Don't you know
That it ain't a crime
Don't you know
That it ain't a crime
If all the squares
And the junkmen
Think you're out of line

Nowhere man
And the whiskey girl
Nowhere man and
The whiskey girl
They loaded up for
A weekend in the underworld

- gillian welch "hell among the yearlings"

Posted by at 02:49 PM | Comments (4)

Snobby Neighbors, Honest Kids, and Dogs, Dogs, Dogs

I have to spill this story because it's a small triumph in my little suburban residential world.

I live in a pretty residential little suburb. Not a lot of space between houses -- it's a pre-planned, post WWII neighborhood, if you will. There are also not a lot of fences. Just about everyone has a dog or two. I have two, just pups, and without a fence it's a challenge. I don't have one, and neither do many of my neighbors.

I have leashes for when my pups want to go out and play (frequently). They used to stay put in the yard until my backyard neighbors adopted their dog, a little Collie/Sheltie mix, a real sweet dog. I can't trust my puppies to stay now, because they run to my neighbors yard when he puts the dog out (no fence). So, my dogs are leashed when they are out.

My frontyard neighbor also has a Sheltie. They have a fence and so we rarely see their dog, but when we do, she’s a joy -- friendly and always ready to chase a tennis ball. My neighbors two doors down have two Shelties. These dogs are not so friendly – they are typical Shelties, constantly barking their shrill little warnings at everyone and everything. These neighbors take great pride in bragging that their little dogs never leave their unfenced yard. “It was a lot of work!” they say, over and over, “They NEVER leave our yard. We’ve trained them so well!” And since I’ve lived here, it has been true. As annoying as the little dogs are yapping at us from their yard, they don’t leave it. They run up and down the border of the yard as if there were an electric fence (there isn’t) yapping frantically at us when we walk by. “Hello ladies,” I say to the Shelties, “You are such good little girls.” (All the while I’m thinking I am so glad I live TWO houses down).

“Yes,” says the woman. “They are SO good. They NEVER leave our yard!” I know she is hinting that my dogs do leave my yard. Once a week or every other week, my pups will get loose – always because they see the Shelties out and the Shelties are frantically yapping at my dogs from the edge of their yard. So my pups take off for their yard to try and play with them, but the Shelties always snap and yap and run back inside. Teases! Anyway, my neighbor, the man, will sigh and look down his nose at me and say once again how happy he is that his little dogs are trained, and how much work it was to do so! I have no idea how they trained their dogs and frankly couldn’t care less, but it’s obviously a very big pride thing with them, so I smile and nod as I breathlessly try to round up my two puppies from his yard while they run away from me with reckless glee.

Well, a few weeks ago, I noticed that the two little Shelties were in the woods behind my house. I really didn’t care, even though they tormented my two pups on their leashes. You could practically hear them taunting, “We’re loose, and you’re not, ha ha! Our people think we are in the back yard, ha ha!” Then the other day at about 6 AM, I noticed the bolder dog, the little brown Sheltie, actually in my yard, playing with my dogs’ toys. When she saw me, she started barking fanatically as if I were intruding on to her property. The nerve! I stepped out to the yard and told her, “Oooooh, you are a naughty doggie, if your daddy sees you, you are in big trouble!” She snapped and yapped over her shoulder at me as she scooted back through the woods on her way back home.

Now, really, I do not care that his dog is sneaking into my yard. Dogs will be dogs, and in my neighborhood, one really must learn tolerance for one’s neighbors’ dogs. But I was smug with myself that this guy is soooo snotty about his dogs being so perfect, and when he’s inside enjoying his designer coffee at 6AM his dog is sneaking over the border, ha ha!

I wasn’t planning on ever saying anything to him. Let him find out on his own, I say. A small part of me admittedly was hoping the little dog would make a habit out of it, and maybe even wander into other neighbors’ yards, so it could be a neighborhood private joke on the snobby couple.

Alas, the secret was spilled last night. As we were coming home from taking our pups to the dog park, our puppies heard the little duo over in their yard barking and took off from my station wagon before I could get their leashes on. Straight over to Mr & Mrs Snob’s yard! It was complete chaos – my bigger dog was barking in his huge voice, my littler dog was zipping back and forth in the guy’s huge lawn teasing his Shelties and threatening a poop on his lawn… I was dying of embarrassment. The man haughtily called his two dogs in and watched me while I tried rounding up my two from their shenanigans. He would occasionally try and command my dogs to come in a loud, authoritative voice, and give me a knowing look when they ignored him, as if they weren’t listening to him because I hadn’t trained them well enough. (They are puppies, for Christ’s sake!).

I finally caught them and things were calming down. I started walking back toward my house, I had the bigger dog, and my 7 year old with the smaller one. The man made one more comment about how he sure is glad his dogs listen well, and NEVER LEAVE HIS YARD.

My son, with all his young angel innocence, looked up at the man with big wide eyes and said, “I think we have to tell you something, sir… Did you know that your dog comes into our yard all the time?”

The guy blustered and practically choked on his words to spit out, “NO THEY DON’T!!”

I calmly said, cough, cough, ummm, yes she does, the little brown one.

“NO, it must be one of the other Shelties on the street, my dogs would NEVER! They only go into the woods behind my house….” He trailed off as he realized the woods was a direct path to my yard, that the other dogs are either fenced or leashed, and it was indeed his dog. He turned red as a beet and started stammering something about it must be his wife’s fault.

I gave him a raised eyebrow for that comment, and told him not to worry about it. He continued to stammer and bluster and I just winked.

I squeezed my little boy's hand and we walked home. I leaned over and whispered, “Touche’!” My boy looked at me quizzically but didn't ask. I think he knew he'd trumped the guy.

Ha!

Posted by at 03:52 PM | Comments (7)

Sorry, Have I E-OFFENDED You??

A blog poster just sent a link for me to check out the new "e-annoyance" law signed by George W. Now, some would accuse me of being a "socialist" for my stance on animal welfare laws (animal welfare, not animal rights, for the record!) and other things I have written about. I'm not a socialist, however and though I lambast the media on a regular basis for trying to enter my living room and take a dump on my and my childrens' minds, I wouldn't want a law denying media their right to say whatever they want on the telly, on the radio, in magazines or on the internet. (I know how to turn the channel!) This law clearly goes too far.

This law makes it illegal to anonymously annoy someone via the internet. What?? First of all, what consititutes annoying? What I find hilarious you might find really annoying. And what about rights to privacy? Now we must identify ourselves. I think not. Is it just me or is this country creeping toward a communist state? Frankly, I find 90% of the internet's content annoying and I have no idea who writes the stuff. Shall we just shut down the world wide web? Is this law really going to put an end to pop-ups and spam? Because that is the only good I can see coming out of such a law. What next, authors who write inflammatory material in books will not be able to use pen names? Will they try and regulate annoying content though the US mail, one of the last vessels of true privacy in this country?

There is another movement that bothers me, even though I am adamantly opposed to puppy mills and back yard breeding, the PAWS act. This act will allow federal government to monitor private breeders and such and is totally the wrong way to go. Do we want to stamp out puppy mills? YES! Do we want to stamp out puppy overpopulation? YES! The way to do this is not to penalize and persecute small kennels, independent rescue organizations/clubs and breeders of hunting dogs which is what this act will do. It also paves the way for mandatory microchipping of all pets. WHAT!?? Sidenote: this act is supported by the majority of the AKC and PETA as well (PETA's support alone is enough to make me wary - buncha liars!) because of course the AKC wants no dog bred that isn't good enough to show, and PETA thinks it abhorrent for any domestic animal to give birth, ever. However the UKC openly and loudly disagrees with the act as do several other dog breed/hunting dog clubs.

And let's talk about wire tapping and internet monitoring. Our president and his cohorts seem to think it's their right to spy on us, regardless of existing laws, as long as they think the one being spied on is a threat. Who decides what consitutes a threat? Your Big Brother, that's who. Presently, it might be someone looking up bomb recipes or in certain chatrooms. But how soon until the government decides something you do is threatening, and starts up a file on you and your family and friends?

Too much government is not even the issue lately. It's oppressive, stupid, paranoid government. It's putting our freedoms in suspended animation. Our current administration is just free-wheeling its authority without fine tuning anything. Many of these new acts, laws, statutes seem well intentioned but they are far too wide-reaching and oppressive.

What is happening to this country? Do we really have two more years of this? Will there be any freedom left at the end of it? It feels like we're moving into another cold war era, only it is taking place entirely here on the homefront, us -- the American people, vs them, the oppressive government. I don't trust our president, do you? I don't think he's going to literally nuke us, but the effects of his paranoia and megalomania on our nation are promising to be devastating.

Well I am going to end this rant because I feel I have a lot more research to do on this subject. And I guess while I'm at it, I better research my options as a future defendant because now that I've anonymously published this annoying, anti-government blog entry, I'm sure I've made the list.

Posted by at 08:47 AM | Comments (15)

Beware the Ides of January!

Those who follow my blog know I'm a proponent for public schooling - I believe a basic education is every child's RIGHT in this great country... but this time of year, the middle ("ides") of January, something always happens that makes me question the decision to put my children in the hands of the system. I'm talking CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT EDUCATION.

It really, REALLY bothered me when my then-5 year old came home from Kindergarten one day in January with questions about racism because they were preparing for Martin Luther King Jr Day & Black History Month. Now I think the civil rights movement should be taught - it's an important part of our history and is unfortunately sometimes still an issue - but how much info does a 5 year old need? In my opinion, none! Before this curriculum was brought into his classroom, my son didn't even realize that "brown" people were "different." I MEAN IT! He never, ever, brought it up. He only used color as a descriptive measure - for example, pointing out to me someone in a crowd with the backpack he wanted ("One like that brown boy has, Mom!"). I was just incensed that the school took it upon themselves to decide that our five and six year olds were ready to learn about ugly old American racism. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Last year, in first grade, it got even worse. They studied Martin Luther King, Jr. My six year old came home with wide, uneasy eyes and questions about Rev. King's death. Of course, his teacher didn't divulge *all* the gory details, just enough to get his and I'm sure the rest of the class's imaginations pumping. How did he die, Mommy? Why would someone want to kill a nice man? Why would people hate other people because they are brown? NOT things I think a six year old should have to discover and ponder.

I finally sent a letter (you can imagine the content after sharpening my horns with my tongue to write it) requesting that the school go easy with the curriculum this year, and why I was requesting it. I got a response that they understood and appreciated my point of view, but no real promise to lay off the crash course in
"BLACK PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT AND WHITE PEOPLE USED TO HATE AND KILL THEM AND SOMETIMES STILL DO" that comes about every January (MLK Jrs birthday) and February (Black History Month).

I thought we were safe this year but this morning my son asked me, "Mom! Did you know, that a long long time ago, we went down to South America and Africa and STOLE people from their families and brought them back in CHAINS and handcuffs and made them work without paying them??" I'm thinking, "WE?" Who is this "WE?" What the **** are they teaching my baby!?

I'm calling the school next week, before Pandora opens her box this month, and demanding an audience and an explanation of what they are teaching and why they think it is helpful. As far as I'm concerned this is volatile content, along the lines of the World and Vietnam Wars & Hiroshima, gangs, and all other evils of human society past and present et al. Why not teach our kids about all those tragedies when they are six and seven as well? Might as well desensitize them now. Why not let them watch Amistad or Apocalypse Now?? Kids this age should be learning about reading and writing and science and being in a social environment. Not about racism and assassination.

Side note: This November when I went to vote on Maine's #1, regarding whether or not to rescind Maine's Anti-Discrimination Law, my little one asked me to explain it to him (he knew I was very excited about it). When I was explaining it to him outside the gym where we vote, his face drained of color and he ducked his head down suddenly and said, "MOM! Are you going to get SHOT!? Like Martin Luther King!?" I can't tell you what went through my head at that point but I wish to God I had it on video to bring with me to my meeting with the school staff. Hmmm, maybe I'll just print this blog entry out and bring it with me.

Posted by at 03:47 PM | Comments (18)