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Reading Rainbow

I picked up a ton of books at the Goodwill a while back and am just getting 'round to reading them. Needless to say I love to read. I remember carving out a hole in my closet when I was about 11 or 12, complete with little bench, battery-powered lamp, snack chest, and all my beloved books. My mom thought I was being freaky, but hey, I just wanted to immerse myself in the fantasy land of literature. I still do, but thankfully have outgrown the need for a hole in my closet.

Here are books I've read so far or have on my list, as well as the impressive list for my son and I:

Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden) - Five Stars. I just rented the movie which I have not seen and I'm hoping it does the book justice. Why didn't I read this sooner!?

Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd) - Four stars. Really a great story and tenderly told but the ending is a little anti-climactic and not as strong as the rest. Almost as though someone else wrote the last couple of chapters.

The Pleasure of My Company (Steve Martin) - Five stars - Steve Martin is an awesome writer and I just loved this book. I bought the audio too so I could hear it on my commute. A tender and funny little novella.

The Hiding Place (Trezza Azzopardi) - Five stars (so far). I just started and it promises to be awesome. I'm having a hard time putting it down.

Kick Me (and) Superstud - Paul Feig - Four and a half stars...okay...five - it was kind of hard to get through three chapters about preadolescent masturbation in "Superstud" but it was funny after all. Very humorous reminiscing of a geeky boy's childhood (Kick Me) and a funny memoir of a chaste young adulthood (Superstud). Feig is a funny guy, you just like him instantly.

Teacher Man (Frank McCourt) - Four and a half stars. Another by the "Angela's Ashes" author. I started it and borrowed the audio from the library to help speed things along (was reading 3 other books at the time). I just love his voice so although this book isn't as gripping and emotional as "ashes" or his second, "T'is," it's still a great read.

Mrs Dalloway (Virginia Woolfe) - Five Stars. I loved it the first time in high school, and I discovered that hey! I still love it. Interesting side note - all the semi-colons still bother me as much as they did in high school. Why all the semi-colons? I know my teach told me something about them but...they're still annoying.

Teachings of a Compassionate Buddha (E.A. Burt) - Five Stars. An excellent intro to Buddhism and the intro gives a great insight into religion altogether.

Charles Bukowski, Locked in the Arms of a Crazy Life (Howard Soumes) - Three stars so far. I'm about 1/3 through. It's pretty standard and not very humorous, which I'd hoped for in describing this loony, fantastically individual person's life.

The Living is Easy (Dorothy West) - on my wait list

Love Monkey (Kyle Smith) - on my wait list

My son and I are reading together - We finished all the Sheila/Peter/Fudge books by Judy Bloom, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the Great Glass Elevator, James & the Giant Peach, and the Witches by Roald Dahl, and we're almost through the entire Henry/Beezus/Ramona series by Beverly Cleary. We have the Wizard of Oz (L. Frank Baum) up next, and we are planning on beginning the Narnia chronicles (C.S. Lewis).

So has anyone read these and have opinions or does anyone have any more suggestions for my (and my son's) summer reading frenzy?

Posted by Bullyland at 06:40 PM | Comments (1)

My Dog Has Fleas a.k.a. Bully's Flea Circus

Oh. My. God!!! Is it flea season or what? All of my animals have - overnight it seems - been infested with fleas. It's disgusting! The poor babies are constantly scratching and their fur looks so dirty and shabby. My dog Ash seems the least affected, it must be a dog thing. All four cats (my three plus the foster kitten) have been attacked relentlessly with Frank Sinatra being the hardest hit, he has severe flea-caused dermatitis. What a miserable bunch. What to do? Well, first, let me tell you what NOT to do - waste your money.

Day one - I notice that Frank's skin is scabby, and all four kitties are scratching. It's harder to tell with the dog who scratches anyway. I inspect and sure enough, flea dirt. Eeewwww! Well, I'm on a very tight budget this year and any other year I would have already prevented this with some Frontline Plus. But at a little under sixty bucks for three months' worth (or one month if you're treating three cats!), I decided to try my luck with the over-the-counter old school treatments.

Day two - I buy 5 flea collars and powder for the carpet & upholstery. I brush each animal, put on their collars, sprinkle the powder, vacuum, etc. following all directions.

Day four - I notice the collars and powders haven't done the trick. I buy flea spot-on treatments for all 5 animals. I figure this combined with the other measures will do the trick. I opt for the less expensive spot treatments (around 8 bucks each) since I can't afford Frontline or Advantix.

Day six - I can't help but notice that the fleas are not only not going away, but rapidly increasing. I buy flea spray for the animals and flea foggers for each floor of the house. I spritz each animal head to toe with the spray, cover the fishtanks and all food prep surfaces, put the cats in the basement, the dog outside, and set off the foggers. I leave for the prescribed two hour time frame. I come back. I vacuum and collapse on the couch to finally get some relief. A flea bites my ankle. Another jumps into my glass of wine.

None of these treatments did a damn bit of good. In fact, they just seemed to piss off the fleas, who had by now decided that while some will stay on the animals, for safekeeping, others would jump ship and attack my and my son's ankles instead. I had nightmares caused by the tiny thugs who had created a virtual theme park in my living room. That was - when I could get to sleep, a nearly impossible task while imagining I felt fleas in my bed, and checking my son's room over and over for fleas in his bed.

Day seven. I dig through the garbage for every box that every product came in. I dump them all in a bag, coffee grinds and all, and return them to the store. They start to give me a hard time, but I guess the sight of my flea-infested horns overcame their resistance. They gave me my money back. I went to Petco, I shelled out $115 for Frontline Plus for each animal and two more foggers.

The moral of this story is this - save yourself the time, frustration, and money and just get the good stuff to begin with.

Following is a list of products I have bought, used, and failed with. Here is a list of what NOT to buy:

Hartz 4 in 1 foggers - about $8 for a three pack.
Hartz flea powder for carpet & upholstery - about $6.
Sergeant's flea and tick collar for dogs (1) about $4
Zodiac flea and tick collar for cats & kittens, four at $3 each
Sergeant's "Pretect" spot on treatment for cats & kittens - $9
Sergeant's "Pretect" spot on treatment for dogs - $9
Sentry (Sergeant) natural flea treatment for cats - $7

So I spent a little under $50 on all these useless chemicals, not to mention all the time and frustration of applying them all and having them all fail. PLUS - I'd have had to continue to buy them all through the summer as they only last between one week and one month (technically, not at all since none of them worked!).

Here is a list of what TO buy:

Frontline Plus, a six month supply, in April. That's all you'll need.

I guess I'll just have to work the Frontline into my budget somehow, at least through the spring & summer months. Historically (every year except this one), when I treated the dog through the summer I usually only had to treat the cats maybe once (they stay inside). My final effort in the battle of the fleas was yesterday putting on their Frontline and fogging once again. This morning my son woke up with a flea on his leg, and I did kill one that was on my shirt last night, but the animals seem much better, the kitten being completely flea free. The jury is still out on the foggers I used - Adams and Zodiac on separate floors - but I'm hoping and praying that tonight I can drink a glass of wine without an added flea.

Posted by Bullyland at 04:13 PM | Comments (4)

Had You Fooled

I never fail to be amazed at my capacity for pulling something off. Since grade school I have been a champion bullshitter. Not to say I am a liar - though in high school I had my moments - but I do have this knack at times for convincing people what I want them to believe.

For example - my sanity.

Just as a functional alcoholic will make it through the work week, family time, etc with 90% of people never knowing he is an alcoholic, thus I am with my mental illness*.

I am medicated and have forced myself to fit in with society for the sake of my & my family's well-being. I work a nice 9-5 job with the ultimate conservatives - the military no less. I have become a good mother, always putting the child's needs before my own. I have a mortgage!

Believe me, folks - for all this posing I am one fucked up, crazy, cart-pushing homeless broad in the making. Under this pleasant, normal facade, my hair is dyed three different colors and shaved up one side of my head, I have three rings in my nose, I wear the same smelly jeans day in and day out. I sleep until noon most days, I consume nothing but pixie stix, caffeine, alcohol and cocaine. I stay up for 48 hours straight writing brilliant poetry and song; I have a basement full of brilliant works that will eventually make me famous after my suicide - which, by the way, I committed years ago. I walk through the streets loudly talking to myself and anyone else who catches my eye. I have 30 cats. I find treacherous meaning in random phrases culled from the DaVinci Code and my high school math textbook.

I love it when people are so convinced of my sanity that they try and reason with me and I convince them that I'm being reasoned with. I love it when people assume I have a normal, stable mind. It shows me I'm doing a good job.

Well, I guess I have a normal mind for my intents and purposes. It's on loan from the Compassionate God of Raising Happy and Well-Adjusted Children until I can finally take off this ridiculous business suit for good. I'm not sure when that will happen, as my kids will never stop needing me to be normal. Perhaps in my next life, the gods will reward me for being so cunning in this one. They'll let me actually be that crazy freak that I've been repressing all these years.

If only.

*for those new to my knowledge lounge here in Bullyland, this would be bipolar disorder, a.k.a. manic depression, a.k.a. bugshit crazy.

Posted by Bullyland at 12:06 PM | Comments (6)

Saying "When"

My little brown dog, Ash, has been pretty happy lately. Her personality has taken a turn for the better, and she has suddenly remembered all her early puppy training that she'd seemed to forget in this past year. She sits without even being asked, has stopped nipping my ankles when it's time to go out, and I've been able to completely eradicate her crate, formerly used for bedtime and any other time the humans had to leave the house. I'm relieved to see all this happen, as I wasn't sure whether she would mope and develop behavior problems. You see, we recently had a big change in our household. We recently gave up our other dog.

I'm not sure when it started being a problem, having two dogs. I think it began when my German Shepherd, Blue, reached adulthood combined with the warm weather. Since late spring, I've had to leave the dogs at home all day. (During the cool weather, I brought them to work with me; but at times they'd have to sit in the car for a while - this is obviously impossible in warm weather.)

Blue was not adjusting to being home all day. He was unable to remain outside of his crate when left alone as he would get nervous and start chewing things. He voluntarily went into his crate every morning - he was afraid of being left out. However he started having accidents in his crate, one or two times a week. We'd come home and he'd be whimpering, so ashamed and upset was he at his accident. I did everything I could think of to try and eliminate these accidents, I didn't feed them in the morning, I made sure they were out for at least a half an hour every morning, I hurried home to lessen the time he was in the crate. I tried leaving him out of the crate, he didn't have any accidents but he did destroy whatever he could find.

Blue is a high-maintenance dog, as I've learned is the German Shepherd way. His high-maintenance needs were no big deal when he was in my back pocket during cooler weather. But confined to the house they seemed to explode. He was constantly stepping on my seven-year old, licking us, pacing back and forth, begging for attention and in turn making Ash a nervous wreck. Dogs don't understand the separation of their identities. If I had to scold Blue, Ash would get upset. When Blue had an accident during the day, she got upset. She started nipping in order to get past him, occasionally nipping us by mistake. I tried to compensate for the plain truth - Blue was quickly outgrowing our life. He almost got killed by a speeding truck when he ran out the door into the street after he thought my son called him. Although he tried to be a good boy, his training was slipping away due to his distractedness, no matter how many times a day I practiced the sit-stay-come routine.

Now, our little brown dog, Ash, is more than content with her life. She sits quietly at home, sleeping or playing with appropriate toys, while we are away during the day. She is content to either hang at home or go out, whatever. She's definitely a low maintenance, laid back kind of porch dog. Blue is exactly the opposite. He pines when we leave, unable to deal with our absence. Things were so perfect this fall, winter and spring when my dogs were able to accompany me during the work week, and summer's restrictions took me completely by surprise. It never occurred to me that my dogs would spend *more* time indoors and get *less* exercise during summer.

Blue began his coat-blowing (a semi-annual major shedding) about a month ago. Since he is forced to spend so much time in the house, the house was overwhelmed with the fur. It's insidious - covering all surfaces and getting into everything - the fishtanks, our food. I vacuumed twice a day and brushed him as many times as I could but the fact was, he should have been getting more exercise and shedding the natural way, outside.

I caught myself yelling at my son as a chain reaction to issues with Blue. My boy would ask if we could have a sword battle, or play a video game, or go for a bike ride and I'd shout "No - I told you I have to clean up Blue's crate! [or vacuum the hair, or brush him, or bathe him, etc] Honey, I'm sorry but you'll have to wait!" What was going on here? My son didn't deserve to be spoken to like that, just because I'd become so frustrated and lost my temper. I'd hug him and tell him I was sorry - but the guilt was like a knife. I was upset at yet another accident, my son was upset because I was upset, and both dogs were upset because their people were upset. But I've been in full force denial, thinking it will get better, things will even out, etc. I've raised them since they were both puppies, I love my dogs. Love is blind.

***********************

Blue is a good dog, and his bloodlines are indeed, blue. He has a champion pedigree and is a stunning dog. A breeder from Maine had contacted me about possibly using Blue as a stud for his female; I agreed that if I hadn't had him neutered yet when his female came into heat he could "borrow" Blue for the week. When his dog came into heat, he contacted me and we made arrangements for me to deliver Blue to him up in Mechanic Falls.

The day arrived and I brought Blue up, not quite knowing what to expect from this breeder. Turns out his home is set back about 3/4 mile from the road. He owns about 7 acres of land, all undeveloped, around his home. His beautiful female German Shepherd came out to greet us, leash free. I let Blue out of the car and they instantly took off to play on the immense property. I talked with the breeder, his wife and their daughter & grandson for a while. They were very impressed with Blue's perfect physique and loving personality. I told them how he is so great with kids, how he never runs away, etc. They talked about their own dog with obvious love and pride, and by the time I left, they were in love with Blue as well. We made arrangements for me to pick up Blue later that week. He agreed to email me with details about the two dogs' "date."

On my way home it hit me full-on that I am not providing my dog with the life he deserves. Blue is getting unhappier every day, and in turn making the household unhappy. I can't give him the kind of life that his new "girlfriend" has - running leash-free all day long on acres of private land and a creek to swim in, a mom who is home all day, grandkids galore visiting throughout the week. It came to me like a lightening bolt - all the denial I've been in lately - and I realized with a sad certainty that it was time to say "when."

The next day I talked with the breeder and told him that I was considering finding a better home for Blue. I told him about how hard it's becoming to keep him happy, and that if he would consider adopting Blue, it might be a happy ending with everyone. I thought he was going to come through the phone, he was so excited. Yes, they would love to take him, everyone is already in love with him - them, their grandkids, their dog. Blue was having a ball exploring their homestead and being a very good boy. He admitted that he'd wanted to ask me to consider letting him buy Blue when we were talking and I was telling him about our recent struggles. I felt a huge wave of relief slide over me. It felt like a cool waterfall engulfing me on a hot day. I pictured in my mind my beautiful, happy dog running along the path behind his new house, jumping through the creek, his muscles rippling with all the exercise and his face smiling once again.

I told my son when he came home from his dad's that weekend and I could see the relief wash over his entire body. I was shocked at his happiness that Blue was gone, but not for long. Of course he'd been stressed out too. We both talked about how much we would miss our dog, but my son had no regrets at all. I do have regrets - regrets that I bought the dog without thinking into the future, regrets that I kept him so long when he wasn't happy, and regrets that I'll just plain miss him.

The breeder promised photos of the puppies, and told me to feel free to visit Blue if I'm in the area. I don't think I'll be able to do that, he's only been gone a few days and already there's a big pain of loss replacing the big pain of guilt that was in my heart when he was with us. I know he's happy now, so happy that he probably doesn't even think of us. But he'll always be in my heart.

I'll miss you, Blue. May your new life keep you as happy as you deserve to be.

Posted by Bullyland at 10:11 AM | Comments (3)

This Country is Being Brought to You By Your Local Wal-Mart

I recently read a column by D. Allan Kerr "standing up for Wal-Mart." Now, I respect his opinion, which is in support of Wal-Mart and all the good points he sees in the chain. Kerr enjoyed being able to get everything he needed all in one place and at a good price. Among his conquests were food, pillows, frames, fans and floormats. He's thrilled he only had to make one visit and pay less than $75.00. I say, good for him!

I also say - where does it end? Currently Wal-Mart offers optical services, pharmacies, groceries, (very) basic auto maintenance, and fast food in addition to retail goods. I've heard the chain plans on adding legal services, travel agencies and real estate. What next? A car dealership? An EMT service? It is not just paranoia anymore - it is the truth. Wal-Mart plans to take over corporate America.

I am not a person like Mr. Kerr who likes to do all my shopping in one huge effort. I'm not a big consumer so I rarely shop; thus I don't need a "one-stop-shop." When I have to go in there it is to buy one thing, such as an electronic device that I just can't afford elsewhere (thanks, Mr. Walton! I'm sure Radio Shack thanks you, too) or to take my seven year old there to spend his allowance. (Although he is well aware of my distaste for the store, he loves it and I won't force him to bend to my philosophy.) I may end up picking up a few other items, such as dog food or garden supplies, but I don't go there to shop with a list or anything. In fact, how many do? Wal-Mart makes most of its profits on impulse spending - go in for three things, leave with thirteen.

Frankly, the store has always given me the willies. I have off-and-on agoraphobia and entering a Wal-Mart can trigger a case of mild arrythmia and a desire to drink heavy amounts of alcohol. The long, cramped aisles; the infinite number of products; the birds trapped in the industrial roofing and peeping in despair; the somnolent consumers perambulating aimlessly or conversely, determinedly driving their carts like a jockey with his harness horse - either way paying no attention - all of this can get under my skin faster than my kid can twirl a quarter into the CHAD dinosaur's smiling mouth.

And Oh. My. God. Super Wal-Mart - ewuggabuggashivva! - I avoid at ALL costs. The last time I got the courage to wander in there was to find one certain toy for my niece. Super Wal-Mart was the only store in a to possibly have this toy near my mom's house where I was at the time. I was trapped inside for over an hour. I left with the toy, two houseplants, an airwick deodorizer, rawhide bones, a bag of dirt, a basketball, and a package of green onions. I vaguely remember being in a zombie-like state by the time I got to the cash register. I remember handing over my debit card and feeling like I was stoned. I remember arriving home and staring at those ghastly smiley-faced bags and thinking - "How did this happen?" I didn't remember any of the experience of actually picking these items out. In fact, I needed NONE of it, except the little toy I got for my niece.

Wal-Mart deploys certain tactics to squeeze more dollars out of each customer. For every "roll-back," there are two or three "roll-ups" - even if only five cents, every "roll-back" actually equals more flow. Their one and only clock is located at the front of the store - facing only the customers departing the store. Their bathrooms are conveniently located right inside the entrance. Most stores don't want people running in to just use their restroom and not buy anything, so they locate them out of the way. Wal-Mart is smarter than that (who the hell runs into a Wal-Mart only to use the loo?). They know that people who have to shop with a full bladder will take less time and spend less. They know that someone who sprints to the back of the store to use the bathroom will only work his way back through the store, versus up AND back, and spend less. If they have a secret gas that they deploy at each entrance to induce a state of confused, trance-like susceptibility in their customers, it wouldn't surprise me. In fact, I think every once in awhile, their employees inadvertantly get hit with the stuff. Thus is the experience of Wal-Mart. Blah, blah and blah.

But this is skimming the surface, only mildly more deceitful than the average tactics and trickery used by retailers. The insidiousness goes much deeper than that.

Anyway, I don't want to jump on the Wal-Mart Bash Party Train but I just can't help it. Yes, I've seen the PBS documentary and also "Wal-Mart, High Cost of Low Prices." However, those documentaries only served up actual facts to compliment my already formed opinion. For example - did you know that Wal-Mart advertises programs like WIC, Healthy Kids, food stamps, etc in their breakrooms? Did you know that in Florida, 71% of Wal-Mart employees are on public assistance? Did you know that Wal-Mart receives hundreds of millions of dollars from the government to subsidize their chains? Did you know that your every day low price is subsidized, in fact, by your own dollars?

Stop and think about the fact that most employees cannot afford to insure their family through Wal-Mart's programs and so must turn to Medicare and welfare. Wal-Mart drains our tax dollars. Wal-Mart keeps the welfare system hopping. And of course, associates can't afford to shop anywhere else, so the few dollars Wal-Mart actually pays its employees go right back into the chain's coffers. Here is a quote from CEO Lee Scott in an effort to urge congress to raise the minimum wage: "The U.S. minimum wage of $5.15 an hour has not been raised in nearly a decade and we believe it is out of date with the times," Scott said. "We can see first-hand at Wal-Mart how many of our customers are struggling to get by. Our customers simply don't have the money to buy basic necessities between pay checks." Excuse me, but WTF? What about his own employees? Why doesn't he start by paying them more?

Did you know that the employee training videos include several minutes of anti-union rhetoric? Watch the "High Cost" documentary - they show the actual footage and I laughed out loud at its ridiculous tactics - but many employees fall for it or are intimidated into going along with it. If the associates want a union, and the associates are so damned important to the Wal-Mart "family," than why are they not allowed to vote one in? Okay, let them find another job. Hmmm, maybe in retail-glutted Portsmouth, NH...but in places like Middleton, Ohio... whoops - Wal-Mart has run all the other stores out of town - not to mention property values. Let's face it, who wants to buy a home or start a business in a neighborhood full of empty, non-fillable business buildings? Really, who wants to start a retail business anywhere within 50 miles of Wal-Mart? It's only going to get worse, folks, as Wal-Mart continues to add services such as the aforementioned.

Mr. Kerr, I respect your opinion but I totally disagree with it. I don't enjoy being able to do all my errands under one gianormous, intimidating roof. I don't think that $9.93 or even $9.88 is much cheaper than $9.99. I believe most consumers are more concerned about their own convenience, too much so to see or care about the big picture. Wal-Mart sucks. It is ruining free enterprise - not promoting it. It's draining our tax dollars. It's supporting the welfare system by driving its employees to it. It's forming a monopoly of a most dangerous kind - not just a telephone company, railroad or airline - but a monopoly of every source of retail goods or services you can imagine.

I think I'd rather pay that extra twelve cents.

Posted by Bullyland at 12:19 PM | Comments (10)