I'm so ornery, I'm so set in my ways, that my gut reaction is to ignore the new year's dawning. What is this business about making resolutions to change, improve, begin a new chapter? Why is it so ingrained in our culture? It's just another month. It doesn't mean anything. Or does it? There's nothing like a whole new digit and a blank calendar to inspire the list making optimist in one.

As I was telling my sister blogger Internet Geek, I can no longer hide from the fact that at best, my life is half over. I know it sounds alarmist, defeatist and pessimistic to proclaim, but it's only the bald faced truth. I have another forty years on this planet *if* I'm lucky. And as this fact hovers in front of my consciousness like a swarm of no-see-ums on a muggy day in August, I am forced to confront the reality. I'm in a rut. I've been in a rut. I need to do something, and fast, to get myself out of this rut.

I brought these observations to my shrink. She suggested I make a list of things I want to do before I die and choose the one thing I can work on right now. ( Why didn't I think of that? What a simple but incredibly astute suggestion.) If I want to be repeating myself 10 years from now, when I'm closer to fifty than forty, I'd better take the bull by the horns (snort!) and get busy. I know once I get started doing new things I'll break out of this terrible state of suspended development for good. I want to absorb all the culture of this planet that I can possibly absorb. There are things I want to do - things I've always wanted to do, and I need to get started doing them. As terrible lessons have taught me this past year, I've only got one shot here in this life. I need to start making it happen.

So here are the beginnings of my list.

I want to learn Spanish. One of my best friends is planning on settling in Argentina - her fiancee has purchased a winery there and I would love to mete out my golden years assisting her with the place.

I want to travel to Alaska and the mid- and southwest, the sections of America that I have either never seen or only driven through; I want to see the vast portions of wilderness that still exists in this country (before they're gone).

I want to be able to jog 5 miles like I used to. This may seem petty but it's really not. When I was jogging a few years ago I had so much more engery, mentally and physically. I don't think I will accomplish much else on my list if I don't get into that kind of physical shape again. I used to live for crystal winter days, chilly fall days, new spring days, all SORTS of days when it was perfect weather to jog. Now, when one of those days occurs, I just get melancholy thinking about how pumped up I used to get with anticipation of my lunchtime jog. I want it back.

I want to learn more about the arts & humanities, subjects I adored in school and still do. I want to study individual artists and study different eras of humanity's development.

So, that's what I have so far. There are more things to...mundane things like, keeping my house in order and getting out of debt, but those are boring and predictable so I won't bother listing them.

I haven't made any progress toward any of these lofty goals yet; I figure my first lofty goal is to finish the list which will take a lot of thoughtful effort. I don't want to haphazardly throw a list together that will end up under a leaky coffee cup or something. I want it to mean something. I'm going to print it in 18K gold when I'm finished and frame it.

I have started working toward the jogging goal, though. This is one thing I can do in the meantime, while I complete my list. I upped my effort on my daily walk yesterday, going another 5 or 10 minutes and never slowing down. Today I plan on doing the same, only actually break a sweat. That'll be new.

Happy New Year's, y'all.

I like that list - great idea. Speaking of the arts, my favorite artist at the moment is David Burton - and not just because he's dating my friend, or that he did an amazing oil painting for us for xmas... *grin*

It's so easy to fall into a rut of just surviving in your comfort zone. I admire your goals. My father told me you have to always keep goals and dreams.

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