I have not smoked twice in my life, during both pregnancies. During my first pregnancy it was a no-brainer. It made me physically ill even to smell second hand smoke. It was a breeze to quit. The day after my son was born, I was bumming a Virginia Slim off another new mother in the break room. I always thought if I ever had another child it would be as easy to quit. With my second pregnancy, however, came an unpleasant realization. It was very hard not to smoke. I craved cigarettes every day of my pregnancy. It was horrible!

Other than that, I've never really tried to QUIT. I have bouts of guilt now and again, but I am really great at denial when it comes to smoking. I won't get cancer, I won't have a heart attack, I won't develop C.O.P.D. - which my dad does have - even though he quit over 20 years ago, my hair doesn't stink, my breath doesn't stink, there's no smoke residue in the car to harm my child, etc. You name it, I'll deny it, when it comes to smoking my Camel Lights. I make Jesus cry with my denial when it comes to smoking. I would jog five miles and light up afterward. I would eat organic salad and light up afterward. I would pay $4 a pack - at the cheapest store - and put only $16 in my gas tank if I only had one twenty dollar bill left to my name. My legacy for my 22 year old son? Camel Lights. Yes folks, he won't even smoke a different brand. "Mom, do you have any smokes, can I get one?" The truth is, my habit is disgusting. It's pathetic. It's time for a change.

Guess what? After 25 years, I'm finally ready. My youngest son has never seemed to notice my smoking much. I didn't really "hide" it from him, as so many smoking parents I know do, but I don't smoke in the house, or when he's in the car with me, etc. The other day, however, out of the blue, he called me out on it. "MOM! You have to quit smoking! You're going to die." He paused, and if I didn't know better, I'd swear it was for dramatic effect. "I'm going to be a kid whose Mom died young." I tell you, it was like a cinder block to my heart. You may know I lost my brother last fall. His brain cancer was not caused by smoking, but by a random twist of fate. His kids ARE kids whose Dad died young. I KNOW the tragedy first hand. And yet here I am, tempting death head-on, selfishly taking the chance that my kids lose their mother early. My oldest son would be an orphan if I died. My youngest... well, I don't even want to think about how he'd react.

After my son layed this on me I had a revelation. Yes. I would quit smoking. I would pick a date, and I would never light up again. Period. I said to him, "Guess what? I'm going to quit." He stopped and looked me in the eye. "What? Really? Do you mean it?" Another cinder block - it hadn't occurred to him at all that I would agree with him.

For the first time, I feel good about quitting, I mean - always before, I'd think about it but with a big sense of dread. Of course, I'd never get around to it. Now though, I'm feeling happy about it, I'm looking forward with a giddy feeling to the date I chose to quit.

I'm quitting August 20th, my brother's 32nd birthday. The Gatorade jug he and I used as an ashtray on my mom & dad's porch last fall is still on the porch. I'm going to bury that Gatorade jug in the woods on August 20th. I know my bro will have my back on this; he is my mojo. Wish me luck!

Ha! It was no secret to me. You were just much too aloof about smoking in all your posts and never responded directly to my previous inquiries. :)

Seriously though this is fantastic (not the smoking but the quitting). YOU CAN DO THIS!!

You go girl.

Then you just need to get off the meat.
:)

WOO HOO

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is not the mountains we conquer, but ourselves.
Sir Edmund Hillary

YOU are MY inspiration...

a proud nana/papa

I'm glad to hear that.

I just hope my daughter never says that about my beer.

This is the best post ever!
My mother relates this a lot: When my parents were going through difficulties my mother took up smoking. She said I told her she shouldn't smoke cause I was gonna lose her. I must have been 5 or 6. She stopped.
Then I started 'smoking' at around 11. The same summer I started learning guitar. We salvaged butts from ash trays trying to find the biggest. But I probably started smoking seriously at 15 or 16. I don't remember the year I finally quit, it was so long ago. I guess in my early 20's. Although I continued other, I remember trying to seriously quit 6 times. I was so discouraged, and completely convinced it was impossible to quit. The last time my wife and I set a target date together of my birthday. I geared down to 10 cigarettes a day and we quit. After 2 weeks it suddenly dawned on me one day that others were smoking around me and it didn't bother me a bit. My wife restarted several times and continued to struggle with it. That last I knew she finally did quit. I remember having to focus on key trigger times that I wanted to smoke: with a drink in hand or coffee, after each meal, first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. Somehow that last time it clicked and I'm so glad. You can do it too!

I'll spare you the story, but my sister-in-law was a beautiful woman at 45. I was around 35. She died of lung cancer at 46. Even her new husband who was a big security/military guy with her name newly tattooed in his forearm, lost a lot of weight going through it all with her.
My niece graduated high school without her mom. It was a rough way to start out in life.

10:30 AM and no tobacco since yesterday! Other than a mild craving I'm doing fine. I'm not opposed to a nicotine replacement therapy, but I want to try cold turkey first, and so far... so good...!

That's awesome! Isn't it a kind of feeling of freedom?

Take the 4 ones you would have spent daily and stick em in a jar. :)

Dave you nailed it - it really is a feeling of freedom. I had the best walk I've had in at least a couple of years yesterday (the gorgeous weather didn't hurt).

That's a great idea about the money. Shoot, I could make an extra mortgage payment each year with it!!

Yeah, you could probably get a small car for that. I have an off and on habit of taking just the ones out of my wallet at the end of the day or week and sticking em in a jar. You really don't notice it. They can add up. Glad you're making it. It really is a win win from every angle.
I remember joking with my then wife saying, 'if you feel cranky just bite my finger' and I'd hold it out, snatching it back when she went to snap at it. :)
It sounds like you might be over the hump. Hope you can stick with it.

Ok well maybe not over the hump yet, but wishing you well non-the-less. I'm very happy for you.

I'm still waiting for the hammer to fall... no obnoxious jones yet... it's almost weird. I've had a few cravings but it's been almost easy to overcome them. Also, I had to have a tooth extracted yesterday and that's been keeping my mind off of anything but! :)

It brings a joy to my heart. ...And a relief that you won't be biting anybody. :)
Now you'll just have to find an even more evil habit! hmmmm....

update?

:)

I'm trying not to think about it too much; I haven't cheated yet. I'm off work this week and it's a tad harder with all this time on my hands. But - I'm with my 8 year old and that makes it impossible to cheat. I don't really feel like smoking though. Not smoking feels way better than smoking. Even with cravings. Now if only I can convince myself that being thin feels way better than eating! snort!

I was thinking your son must be behind you. And another benefit is he will be less likely to smoke. I've learned that kids learn a lot more from the example you set than all the lecturing in the world.

I know it's kinda hard to deal with an addictive personality. I've tried to switch to healthy snacks but I still find it hard to resist Klondike bars. I like Santa Barbara salsa with avacado chopped into it. That way I can enjoy tortilla chips without cheese.
I kind of tentatively promised myself to get a new Les Paul this year because it works off a lot of nervousness. We'll see.

This will make you smile.

http://www.upchucky.net/flash-fun/smart-bird.html

I was there for this sunday 8/26

http://johnedwards.com/watch/portsmouth/

Hope you're doing ok. Just wanted to say you're brave to not try quitting privately. It puts more pressure on you. I understand.

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