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« Confessions of a Video Store Clerk - Episode I | Main | 'Crash' and Burn ... »

August 07, 2005
Summer Bummer


All Images = Rottentomatoes.com

I'm gonna say it, and not hold it back :
The Summer 2005 Movie Season Sucks.

That's right. Awful, stupid movies have come out one-after-the-other .
Everything I've seen has been less than stellar,
and I have barely even been to the movies this year BECAUSE everything looks so horrible.

Take the photo above from 'Must Love Dogs'. a JOHN CUSACK movie that, without even seeing it, I KNOW is something bad (and I love him. Really).
Diane Lane it set up with a bunch of men from the internet. .
oh, and guess who she meets? John Cusack - I can see the result from a mile away .. . Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad. I value my 98 minutes, and will not spend it watching that movie.

And even most of what I did see was absolutely disappointing, lack-luster, and infuriating.

I'll give you a little list . .. descending order of badness...


LORDS OF DOGTOWN --
I was so pumped for this movie. Based upon Stacy Peralta's excellent documentary, the movie lacked real enthusiasm, convincing attitude, and felt like an after-school special on boards.

DARK WATER
Jennifer Connelly .. really great actress. Dark Water, however -- murky.



KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
To sum it up, the movie consists of Orlando Bloom, formerly Legolas the Elf in Lord of the Rings, being the worst knight ever for about two and a half hours.
(doesn't he look absolutely stupid next to Liam Neeson ?!!!)
Ridley Scott sure does know how to make a beautiful picture, but what the hell ? Most of it made no sense and felt cut up .. .deleted scenes ? I should hope so.

WAR OF THE WORLDS
It was as if Spielberg pulled a big M. Night Shyamalan in the second half of this movie. I loved the opening, was enjoying myself when I didn't even want to see it, but POW! It went to total shit.


CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
Greedy, sticky, and pointless sludge added to my Wonka fixation. Blegh.

THE FANTASTIC FOUR
Fast-paced stupidity with less-than fantastic elements all around.


MR. AND MRS. SMITH
Dumb hot couple experience marriage problems, which they try to solve with action-packed spousal abuse. But how do they figure out their enemy issues? Going with the boredom already displayed, they shoot up a bunch of people, for no reason whatsoever.


*sigh*
I guess I'll just have to wait for the Fall '05 film season, but alas, the forecast doesn't look like it'll be in my favor . .

Posted by madamczyk at August 7, 2005 09:35 PM


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