Doggone right with Mark Brighton

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September 30, 2007

NASCAR a four letter word

NASCAR is a four letter word in Portsmouth. Right on the front page was a picture of one of Portsmouth’s finest pulling over a NASCAR demo vehicle. Not to get an autograph, but rather to issue a warning. It seems that the driver had let all 550 horses roar up to 55mph on the Spaulding Pike, an area not noted for high density residential.

http://www.seacoastonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070915/NEWS/709150323

One thing that must have shocked local liberals is that the driver is plainly visible and he has all his teeth!
For liberals NASCAR is defined as “a vile act committed among semi-literate, semi-consenting adults, resulting in large carbon footprints, and unfortunately fun and excitement; this act also results in shopping at WalMart and voting Republican.”

I could envision local liberal soccer moms grabbing the paper from their teenage sons, before they could see that picture, lest it invoke strong emotions.
Emotions so strong that would require mass counseling at the local high school, before said teenage boys could race out to the parking lot to rev their Priuses.

Is it possible for a teenage girl to get excited about a boy driving a burgundy Prius? God, for the sake of the country I hope not.

In the picture I also noticed a girl in the passenger’s seat. There was a time when that was a boy’s dream - a muscle car and a girl under each arm. I never experienced it, neither the muscle car nor the girls, but ahh …. a boy could dream!

Thank god for the heartland of this country, where the advent of a NASCAR demo vehicle is cause for a town picnic, the consumption of hotdogs, and no not Chablis, but rather Budweiser. In Portsmouth it seems cause to lock your daughters in their bedrooms.

Advocating women’s rights is a good thing. New Hampshire may end up with a woman Senator and the country with a woman president. But the homogenization of the sexes and the resulting wussification of both coasts is not good.

Here’s a salute to NASCAR, where men are men and a boy can dream.

Posted by Mark Brighton at 10:58 AM | Comments (6)

September 12, 2007

Separated at Birth

I found the latest Osama bin Laden tape just plain shocking. In this tape he blames global warming, crushing mortgage debt (who knew you could mortgage a cave in Afghanistan), and the poverty and hunger in Africa on corporations, particularly American corporations. He even blames the Democrats for doing nothing after having been elected with a mandate to end the war.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,296065,00.html

The words themselves aren’t shocking for they grace the editorial pages everyday in the form of letters written by Carol-Shea Porter supporters. It’s almost as if he has written her speeches. It’s got to be tough to be one of said supporters, look yourself in the mirror in the morning, and realize the degree of self loathing that has brought you to the point where you closely resemble a man who is responsible for the death of thousands of Americans, makes no bones about his hatred for this country, and vows to continue killing us.

And yes, I know her husband was in the US military

But there can only be one logical conclusion in this. Carol Shea-Porter and Osama bin Laden were separated at birth.

Posted by Mark Brighton at 12:33 AM | Comments (30)

September 09, 2007

Say it Ain't So

The only startling tidbit that I was able to glean from Hill and Bill’s rally on The Square was that Shania Twain must be a Democrat. It broke my heart.

Shania, the all American country music star from Canada now living in Switzerland - a Democrat. She who sets male hearts aflutter. The Hillary campaign is using her song “Rock This Country” as campaign fodder. It can only be happening with the approval of Ms Twain at some level. Betrayal at its worst!

But then again, there was the whopper that Carol-Shea Porter told. She actually uttered the words, “The Democrats are strong on defense.” Judging by the minimal applause no one in an otherwise enthusiastic audience believed that for one second. The applause came when she said, ”We must get out of Iraq.” Her two comments were her usual mush of incongruity. Same old same old.

Hillary also tried to pull a rabbit out of her hat. She was making every attempt at portraying herself as the candidate of “Change.” Of all the candidates of either party, she is the ultimate insider. From behind the scenes string pulls at the White House to roaming the hallowed halls of the Senate, just what part of Washington hasn’t she played footsy with? But again, this is neither shocking nor a betrayal.

It was the betrayal by Shania that really hurt. Say it ain’t so, Shania!

Posted by Mark Brighton at 10:41 AM | Comments (3)

September 04, 2007

Federal Grants and Dog Poop

According to a headline in today’s Herald, “Town gets federal funds to help scoop the poop.” Apparently the town of Greenland got federal monies to teach homeowners to pick up their dog’s calling card. I am all in favor of owners doing this, and I carry a baggie whenever I walk my dog. But a federal grant?

http://www.seacoastonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070830/NEWS/708300421/-1/ARCHIVE

I don’t claim to be an expert in excrement, although many on the left would say that I am – especially of the bull variety. But this leads to several questions. Is it possible to identify E. coli by the species producing it? Why pick on dogs? Why not cats?

On the front page of the same issue there was an article discussing the burgeoning skunk and squirrel populations. We then must also consider foxes, rabbits, raccoons, deer and all other manner of land and water creature inhabiting the Great Bay water shed. So, what percentage of the offending poop actually belongs to dogs? This leads to the even broader more philosophical question, how does one diaper Mother Nature?

In 5,000 years when archeologists start discovering millions of plastic bags filled with dog poop, what will they postulate about us? Do we need a federal grant to help us figure out what to do with those millions of non-biodegradable bags?

I have to admire the Town of Greenland for trying to teach its citizens to be good neighbors, but we all know that even if we gave each of our neighbors $4,770 (the sum total of the grant) most would still let their dogs do whatever - wherever.

Perhaps local communities could develop a market for “doggie-carbon” credits.

Posted by Mark Brighton at 01:17 AM | Comments (2)