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September 14, 2005
Of Demons and Glow-ons

Sam Walton is the spawn of Cthulhu.

At the very least, he is the son of Satan. Or possibly the bastard child of an unholy convergence of the two. The reason for my belief is how easily my paycheck is displaced from my wallet every time I pass through the doors of the Somersworth Wal-Mart, not to mention the eternity it takes to shuffle through the checkout line. It's as if time operates outside the parameters of natural law within those ciderblock walls, which I consider a sure sign of some type of demonic connection.

After work yesterday, I decided to swing by The Mustard Seed in Portsmouth. The visit to the shop was wonderful, as always - sometimes just walking in the door makes me feel better. I could spend an entire day wandering through, soaking up the good vibes and chatting with the amazing people there. After a small purchase of Prasad incense, I hopped in the car, still experiencing what I lovingly refer to as a "glow on", and began to drive.

I immediately got distracted by a Duran Duran song on the radio (yes, I'm counting the days until Disturbed's Ten Thousand Fists is released, but hearing "Save a Prayer" still makes me shriek and turn up the volume) so instead of heading up 95 to Maine and cutting over to 236 to get home, I hopped back on the Spaulding. Anyone familiar with the parking lot that is the Spaulding Turnpike at 5ish in the afternoon will sympathize with my plight. I was still experiencing glow-on though, so I didn't bother sneaking off at the mall exit and going down the back roads to come out by the Lighting Barn (effectively trading the headache of inching along for the headache of merging back in). Instead, I patiently waited and eventually made my way through. I even managed to almost sail through the Dover toll with only a few people cutting me off to get to the EZpass lane.

The influence of the glow-on convinced me that even though it was the Death Hour, I could run into Wal-Mart and get a few things I needed, and be back out before October. My dilemma was that I needed food staples such as milk, bread, and cereal along with more personal items such as shampoo, tampons, and computer paper. The logical and least expensive place to go to was Super Wal-Mart. Somehow my shopping list that started as Express Aisle sized, turned into a shopping cart full of stuff (might as well grab Halloween candy while I'm here, right? Ooo, and look at the sale on school supplies... you can never have too many write-on/wipe off markers...). Only the power of the glow-on saved me from total commerce catatonia.

It took many hours of incense burning and web surfing before I felt the dark powers of "Hustler Walton" receding...

~ I.G.

Copyright © 2005 by Traci York (writing as Catherine Trevor)

Posted by InternetGeek at September 14, 2005 12:52 PM


Comments

I think you're right. There's something unnatural about the draw of a Super Wally World. Boy, I don't miss the traffic of the city either. It used to take me over an hour to drive 14.2 miles home from work in Atlanta. ...and YAY for Halloween! :D

Posted by: subcypher [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 14, 2005 02:56 PM

Damn Wal-Mart for keeping you off the net, I'll be watching the sky closely on Halloween, hoping for a glimpse of you. :-)

Posted by: athens [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 15, 2005 04:03 AM

Feel the force you must, never give in to the power of Sam Walton

Posted by: SurferGirl [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 16, 2005 02:27 AM

I took my British friend into the Wal-Mart in Danbury, but only because I wanted to show her that they really do sell guns in supermarkets over here...

Posted by: Jo [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 16, 2005 10:06 AM


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