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Time Apart...

So I was kind of cramped for ideas this week. It was 5 o’clock and well I was in a panic because I had almost nothing to say. I couldn’t let my readers down, so I did what any girl would do- I turned to my friends. Thanks for this one Heather J

Have you ever noticed the true difference between a dating couple and a married couple? It’s not the joint checking account, it’s not the shared bills, and it’s not the piece of paper that legally binds you. It’s the fact that when one of you wants to do something the other isn’t interested in, you still do it.

When you’re dating and new in a relationship you obviously want to spend every waking moment together, and that’s great. I mean don’t get me wrong, I would love to spend every single second of every single day with my boyfriend (well maybe not every single second haha just kidding hunny!), but there are some times when I just want to hang out w/ my girlfriends or he just wants to go play poker with his boys.

When people think about spending time apart from their partner, they automatically think of bad things, not good things. Like when I was growing up I was always surprised when my father and mother were fine with the fact that maybe she had to go away for work for a few days or she’d be the only one to travel with me for cheerleading for a few days or something like that. Even now, I always think its crazy that when she takes her once a year vacation trip, she doesn’t take my father. Now to a person like me, who is still a ‘dating’ couple, this is insane. The thought of taking a vacation without my boyfriend—well it just wouldn’t happen. But my parents have been happily married for over 20 years now, so they must know something me, and other ‘dating’ couples, don’t know. I guess the reality of it all is that spending time apart from each other can make your relationship better and stronger. And I guess deep down I know that. I mean I spend six weeks at a time from my boyfriend and if there is anything I’ve learned it’s that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

You are your own person and just because people all the sudden refer to you as Tom and Sarah or Heather and Ben or Elex and Amanda doesn’t mean that you have to lose your individuality. This is particularly important when you move in together. Unlike when you were living apart and not coming home to each other, when you’re living together it doesn’t matter if you’re at work all day and then you go out for dinner and drinks with your friends till midnight, you’ll still see and talk to that person sometime during the day. You don’t have to panic worrying if you’ll go a day without seeing each other; it’s impossible. I understand that there are some people who go out all the time, every night, and never with their partner. I don’t particularly suggest doing that because while absence does make the heart grow fonder, there is such a thing as too much absence.

So if you are living apart, the best advice I can give you is to find that middle spot where everyone is happy and no one feels neglected. Always communicate to each other about your plans. It’s not about asking if you can go, it’s about being courtesy and letting the other person know you won’t be available that day/night. Another great but often really hard idea is to try and coordinate when you go out. If you know that he plays poker or goes to have beers or something with his guy friends every other Saturday, then try and make the plans with your girlfriends the same night. Also, never feel guilty about going out with your friends. They’re your friends. They were part of your life before he or she got there and, if it doesn’t work out between you two, they’ll be part of your life when he or she is gone. Finally, if they can’t deal with that and just don’t want to let you out of their sight, I suggest you move on before other problems arise, which they will, from experience I can promise that.

PS- Kelly I hope this helps you... if it doesn't, then other readers are probably having the same problem, so please e-mail me and i'll repost this one... thanks :)

Posted by Manda at 06:24 PM | Comments (1)

The Reproduction Lady...

Anybody see The Bachelor Monday night, the first hour? I know I’m a little behind the times seeing as it was just a recap of last week, but I had heard all about this ‘reproduction woman’ and needed to witness the antics myself. All I have to say is OH MY GOD! Are you kidding me?

If you missed it, let me recap. It’s the first night in the castle, the first night the women are meeting Dr. Travis (yes ladies, Dr haha), and the women only have a few hours to make a good impression on him so that he’ll keep her in the game. Now a few hours divided by twenty-five women is really not that long so you definitely want to make the most of your time. Most women talk about their interests, their job, their education, their family, you know normal things, but no, not this woman. This woman, Allie G., also a doctor (she could’ve built on that, but no), decides to sit down for her first meeting with Travis and tell him how she’s ready to “reproduce” and if his goals are that, she’s the one to keep. No lie people, I couldn’t make this up! So of course, at the end, he does not give her a rose. Well that just wasn’t good enough for Miss Allie G. She, while talking to another one of the girls, said that the only reason to marry was to reproduce and I think at one time said he needed to grow up if that’s not what he wanted since he’s thirty-three and according to her should want that right now. And then to make matters worse, she decides to go up to Dr. Travis and basically tell him off asking him “Are my boobs to small? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough? What is the deal?” The deal is your crazy lady! haha He handled it very well and very nicely, and calmly, said that she had talked about reproducing and that wasn’t something he was ready for and that was it. So here’s the deal: the reason this caught my attention so much, other than that she’s a little off, is because people need to understand that there are appropriate and inappropriate things to talk about on a first date. I’ve seen a lot of reality dating shows where the camera follows around women and men in New York and Miami and so on, and I’ve noticed that sometimes people just don’t know what not to say on a date, and for the most part it’s way more important that you know what not to say than knowing what to say. First off, going with the theme of this blog, it is never ever EVER ok to talk about reproduction on the first date, not even if your date brings it up. And when I say reproduction I absolutely mean talking about any subject that has to do with having kids. I think it’s scares people, and honestly I don’t see any reason why that can’t wait until at least a third date. I can promise you, promise promise promise you, that that isn’t what’s going to keep you together or break you apart. You won’t continue to date just because you’re both ready for kids and you probably won’t necessarily immediately part ways if one of you is not interested in having kids at all (seeing as a lot of people change their minds) or not interested in having kids right now. I understand that that was important to Allie G. and all, and I understand that she didn’t have a lot of time to talk to Dr. Travis, but I just feel like there were a million other things she could talk to him about that are important and are not reproducing. Other things not to talk about on a first date, anything political, unless there is a really good reason, which in my opinion there really never is. If you are dead set against ever dating a republican and you desperately need to know this person’s political party, then ask, I guess. But don’t freak out and leave if you hear he or she is in fact a republican. Never talk about anything really controversial, like abortion, gay rights, feminism, ect. Look, just remember that a first date is supposed to be fun and relaxed and comfortable and a chance for you to find out about each other and find common interests to build off of. If you do remember that, you should be fine. Good luck!

Posted by Manda at 08:09 AM | Comments (0)

The "Friend" Ex...

You know what the worst kind of ex is? The “friend” ex. You know the type; friends before the relationship started, trying to be friends after the relationship ends. It’s not an impossible task, but it can definitely be an annoying one.

People always (ok maybe not always haha) say at the end of a relationship “Let’s stay friends”, and if you were friends before the relationship started, chances are you’re going to be more apt to feel obligated to actually go through with what you’ve said. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes these friendships really do work out, but more times than anything, they flop hard for one person or the other. So the question is, how can you make it work? How can you actually stay good friends with someone after you break up? The first step is to ask yourself why you want to stay friends. Do you want to stay friends because you feel you should/have to, or do you want to stay friends because you still love spending time with the person and talking with the person and don’t want to lose that? If you answered yes to answer one, you’re not doing this for the right reasons so move on. The next step has two parts. The first part is to shake your feelings of obligation towards the person. You are no longer obligated to spend time with them so you shouldn’t be feeling that way. If they ask you to hang out and you can’t or don’t want to, be honest with them. It may sting at first, but it’s for the best. The second part is to shake your expectations of that person. Obligation is a two way street. If you’re side is closed, don’t expect theirs to be open. Just because they still want to be friends doesn’t mean you should hover over them or constantly bug them to hang out. A lot of people, including myself, will make this mistake because they think the only way to remain friends is to continue to spend just as much time with the person, you know in hopes of acting like nothing has changed. The truth behind this is the more you bother them, the farther apart you two will become. Prime example: I have spent years trying to be friends with my ex-boyfriend and it always seems like I’m the only one who puts effort in to that. I’m the one who calls when I got home for breaks, I’m the one who tries to make the plans, but you know when he finally does call, when I least expect it. When I haven’t called him in months it’s almost like he thinks I’ve forgotten about him and wants to call to make sure that isn’t true. So people, give each other some space before you dive in to friendshipville. The third step, and probably best step, is to get out and see new people. I mean nothing says ‘I’m over you so let’s be friends’ like a hot new stud on your arm right? Just kidding! But seriously, meeting new people and forming new relationships is a great way to help you personally move out of relationship city and in to friendshipville. It will also help in step 2 part 2 because you will have other people to spend your time with instead of feeling kind of lonely (as we all do after a breakup) and constantly ringing their cell for comfortable company.

Lastly, please keep in mind that not everyone is meant to be friends after they break up. Sometimes people just can’t get past things and if that’s the case, then don’t push the issue of being friends. I have an ex that to this day I still couldn’t be friends with because of many things that happened during and toward the end of our relationship. On the other hand I have friends who have become great friends with their exes. It’s all really up to the two of you. Oh and one more thing, never ever, and I mean honestly this is a huge sin of dating (ohh that should be another blog haha maybe another day), never ever try to be friends with your just to rekindle your romance. I have seen this happen many a times and it never ever EVER works! The other person always eventually sees through the deception or just gets annoyed because the person is acting too much like their boyfriend/girlfriend. So just don’t do it!

Posted by Manda at 04:43 PM | Comments (0)

WEDNESDAYS WEDNESDAYS WEDNESDAYS!!!

I just wanted to inform everyone that because of my busy schedule this semester I will be posting on Wednesdays only from now till the end of June (after my summer semester). After that I should be going back to Tuesdays and Saturdays (or at least shooting for that haha) unless otherwise stated. Thank you for your patience and comments! Keep 'em coming!!!

Posted by Manda at 04:41 PM | Comments (0)

Motivation Via Your Cell Phone...

Ok first and foremost I want to apologize for my long absence. With finally being home from school for break and with Christmas and all, my mind has been else where. But I'm back now and ready to go! So recently I got a new cell phone and with that new cell phone was the need of new ringers. While searching through the many ringers there are I came across ringers that I think any recent breakupy or breakuper need to have!

Even if you haven't actually read the books, I'm sure you have heard of Greg Behrendt. He is a hilarious comedian and the author of 2 books, "He's Just Not That Into You" and "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken". I highly recommend both of the books, especially if you are having any sort of man trouble (and oh yea, there is something for you men out there in the 2nd book), but I particularly recommend these ringtones from Sprint PCS. They're perfect to keep you away from you-know-who and let me tell you they're more motivating than you'll ever be for yourself. I mean if everytime "he" called I heard "Seriously, why have you not deleted this number? Come on now! Let's live in the future, hot stuff. Delete the number..." (www.sprintpcs.com), eventually I think I'd really start believing I'm hot stuff and I'd delete the number. I think it's kind of like that idea that if you hear enough times someone say they have a stomachache, eventually you start to think you have a stomachache too. So seriously, if you're having a hard time getting away from that man you're so horribly attached too, why not make a new year's resolution for yourself to get one of these ringtones! Just check out www.sprintpcs.com. And if you can't get them there, check around the internet, I'm sure they're out there. Happy New Year Everyone!

Posted by Manda at 05:31 PM | Comments (0)