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My Apologies...

I want to take this time to a) apologize for having taken weeks, even months, to write back to a few of my readers and b) pray to the earth and heavens above, down on my hands and knees, that you have continued to read even though it took me so long to write back. I promise this will never happen again! I’ve been held down with classes (school work is such a drag haha) and working on getting clips for my portfolio for school, so unfortunately, my blog has not been able to my 1st priority.

So I wanted to use this blog to write back to all of you who took time out of your day to leave your thoughts for me and others to read. P.S. – Sorry the font of the actual comments is so small, but I had to get it to fit in as little space as possible. If you would like to read the original comment, in proper size, check out the blog where it can be found (each comment is separated by blog title – least recent to most recent).

From “Equality Equals Love” (2/08/2006):

Pollywogg wrote:

Equality is (imho) not always the foundation on which to base a relationship....people vary so much in upbringing, inborn personality type, even I.Q. levels....For example a doctor could fall in love with a waitress from a poor family, she may be smart but not smart enough to go to med school like him...but if he treats her like gold...and they respect each other and enjoy life together I think that's what it's all about.
I believe for a healthy long term relationship that could lead to marriage people should share core values...but you don't have to have everything in common...that's what makes life more interesting....My husband didn't know what an Avacado was when I met him...now he loves them...He is a type A personality, and I am a type B....I'm from California, he's from Maine, I help him chill out, and he helps me get motivated....
Equality isn't so much sharing an equal load all the time as it is having gratitude for your partner when they do more.....
Love is all butterflies in the tummy and warm fuzzy feelings at first, Your brain sends endorphins and produces dopamine which gives you that euphoric cloud-nine feeling when you're first falling in love....but it doesn't last...It's a way of bonding us together at first....down the road you may have days when you don't feel in love at all, in fact you may feel utter irritation and indifference twards your partner....That's why you have to remember that love is a DECISION...Sometimes you have to choose to love when your not (feeling) love....and it will all come around again.

To Pollywogg:

I agree with you, equality isn’t everything, but it’s definitely big. I mean honestly, in this day and age, when was the last time you saw a doctor and waitress fall and love and both feel completely equal in their relationship? Unfortunately it doesn’t seem that common. Also I think you’re right about sharing core values but not needing everything in common. Also I love the way you put that love is a decision and that you may not always feel love for your partner. That fact is very true!

Maynardgirl wrote:

A person is equal to another person simply by being a person. Everyone deserves the same rights and considerations. If you are involved with someone less inteligent than you or that makes less money than you that does not make you superior. You are equal because you are people and respect eachother. I would say respect rather than equality is the backbone of a relationship and a love without it is a base and hollow love.
I submit that people need to contribute as much as they can. One person may not be as able to contribute- the key is that they do what they can. If that woman who stayed at home with her children had a stroke and could not make money or contribute to the house or take care of herself she is still equal to her husband in the relationship. He does not stop loving her because he does more- he continues to love her because he respects her and cares for her and knows that she will do whatever she can, however limited, for the family.
Everyone is different- that does not stop them from being equally deserving of respect and love. No two people are exactly the same. By your reasoning no one is equal. Rice is not the same as pizza but if you are hungry they are both equally as good to have on hand. Also humans are aware living creatures and pizza and rice dishes aren't.

To Maynardgirl:

I agree that respect is huge in a relationship, but let’s face it, we’re human beings and it is our nature to at one time or another feel superior over someone. It’s impossible to deny that. Does it make us bad people? As long as it isn’t out of control, no! And no one said you can’t love w/out equality, it’s just that the more equal you are the more respect you seem to have for one another and therefore the more love you feel. Also no one is saying that ppl deserve a different amount of respect and love. That is in no way true, everyone deserves the same amount, but no everyone gets it. Look equality is better now than say the 50s but is in perfect, no— and that’s the thing we need to remember.

Bullyforme wrote:

"To think that even though you've been with someone 25 years and you know you're in love, that it's possible you aren't in love as much as you think. It's a good thing to think about."
I find it odd you encourage people who've been together for 25 years to start questioning their relationships when they believe they are happy. Or am I taking that statement in the wrong way?

To Bullyforme:

Hold on hold on hold on! I’m definitely not encouraging anything! I can see why you may take it that way, but I promise I am not encouraging or suggesting anyone should be ending their marriage or relationship. I’m just saying that sometimes we may think we’re in love when we really aren’t. I mean think of all those times you thought that someone was the one and you were happy, yet in the end they weren’t the one. Also, I mostly mean couples who have problems or where one person feels inferior or unhappy, yet b/c they’ve been together so long they just stay together. So please don’t take it as encouragement and I’m sorry it came out that way. I’ll try to word things better next time.

From “Broken Hearts” (2/15/2006):

Pollywogg wrote:

I like the old adage....."Time eases all things!"....It's simple but it's true....In much the same way that you can't remember what you got for Christmas two years ago...the pain of a broken heart will also fade into only a memory....the time scale varies, but you will get over it....do things that bring yourself joy in the mean time....

To Pollywogg:

Very well put! Thanks for the input!

Afterdark wrote:

I say be active. Get out and do things you love to do or never thought of doing, like snowboarding or something. It's been quite a while since I had a completely broken heart, but I remember the thing that helped me most was getting out of the house and getting my mind off things. Eating ice cream and spending long hours on the phone with my gal pals helped too.

To Afterdark:

I agree. Ice cream eases the pain of anything! haha Thanks for the input!

Seacoast Bartender wrote:

Here are some thoughts for broken hearts, past present and future.
I personally have had the childhood crushes which seem to be the end of the world and quickly heal after a week of pining away for that person you thought you had to be with no matter what. I have had the barroom hook ups and meetings which turn into something or nothing at all and seem to linger in your mind every time you go to that watering hole. I have also had the deep love of a person where the mornings, noon and nights are spent thinking of ways to spend more time with them. Where the thought of missing out on ten minutes of time with them is likened to taking a part of your body and slamming it in a drawer numerous times... Guys you know that kind of pain.
Each has it hurt and its cure or healing. Lets start with crushes, with any teen or young adult it is the realization that the world or perfect moment they have created is over and they are no longer the center of the universe. This is just a growing step, we all went through it and it's hard but we need to realize that maybe they were not the perfect person and they were not either. Crushes are dreams of what could be for mostly that person alone. Fantasy, the picture we paint of what is the ideal person for us and when it crashes down we think there is no recovery from the fall. The best thing I remember about this was just get up, get out and see more of the world the next crush is walking down the isle at the Mall and is sporting those jeans we like so much....
Second the Hook ups, we meet these people and it is casual and we are experiencing more and enjoying the company of each other and their friends. We grow to spend time with each other and to do things together. The problem with these relationships is the outcomes. Each person is going in with certian rules, goals and what they expect from the other or at least they hope the other knows what they expect. This step lets us know to set down expectations and let the other person know that we are looking for more then the Hook-up... It's a nasty lesson that when we get it, mostly after the crush phase, we learn that we are better off and that by moving on we are moving up... Again the best thing to do in this case is not to drown in your sorrow, get with friends, meet people and do things.
The last step Love. The four letter word that when it is taken away or used to hurt becomes a swear instead of the endearing word we all are in search for. The reason why this hurts the most is because you have opened up to that person and expressed, exposed and shown the parts of yourself to them that some people have not seen. You see the world through rose colored glasses and you can't jsut need to know and feel them on a daily basis. This feeling is overwhelming and when that love is taken away it creates a void. I have experienced this and still do today. The pain you feel never goes away, it will be with you for the rest of your life and the best way to understand it is to say you learn to live with it. Here is an example. You walk, run skip and jump everyday. One day you have an accident, you lose a limb, or get injured and can not play sports or do certian things ever again. The damage will heal, the abilities will come back with time as you heal. You may never run as fast but you will run. This is the same with the heart, you may not open up as much as fast but you will still love. But like anyone else in this world you will never forget. SO the statement that time heals all wounds is correct. It's what you do with the time in between that is important. You can sit in a pool of your own misery or you can go out into the world and see new things and enjoy life. Because life is short and you shouldn't waste any of it, enjoy it. You might not enjoy it that much at first but it does get better.
For the teenagers, remember this you are not the first, and god forbid, and not the last to go through this. Things get better and that person you loved and lost with will still be there, just in a special place either remember or reviled.
Good Journey to us all....

To Seacoast Bartender:

Wow, I didn’t expect anyone to write this much, but I can’t even explain how much I appreciate it! I really agree with a lot of what you. Thanks for sharing your stories and feelings. And hopefully you’ll have no more heart breaks!

From “Amanda’s Reasons Why Not” (03/01/2006):

Bullyforme wrote:

4. He asked your friend first, and she turned him down.

To Bullyforme:

I love that one! I wish I had come up with it myself haha, but since I didn’t it will forever be attributed to you bullyforme. Honestly people, you are too good to be called anyone’s sloppy seconds (which is what they will call you if you go out with this person)! Oh and if you don’t know they asked your friend first, but later find out, don’t immediately dump them but definitely talk to them and find out what’s up.

Posted by Manda at 04:47 PM | Comments (0)

Vote For Andy...

Hey all…

Just a side note, but a friend of my family’s is a modified race car driver in the area. His name is Andy Seuss. He’s a great driver and recently he was put in to a poll where, at the end of the voting, the top 15 drivers will be put on to a reality show on a major network (unsure which one). The show will be a competition, on and off the track, where viewers will vote for their favorite. At the end of the show (which will be a number of weeks long) the winner will receive cash and a chance to debut in a NASCAR Nextel race. So everyone go vote for him!!! You can vote once every hour and the voting will be going on until July.

You can vote for him at http://www.racinforalivin.com/vote/. Just scroll down and click on the “vote” next to his name. Also, if you’d like more information about Andy and his racing, you can check him out at http://www.andyseuss.net/.

Posted by Manda at 07:59 AM | Comments (0)

Soul Mates...

This may not be the most upbeat blog, but it’s just that the death of Dana Reeve a few weeks ago really got me thinking. When I heard of Dana Reeve’s illness, the first thought that came to my mind was “How? How could something like this happen?” This was a woman who never smoked, yet she had somehow developed this horrible disease. When she died earlier this month, again one of the first things that came to my mind was “How? How could something like this happen?” The answer I told myself was simple – soul mates.

I don’t know if anyone has ever realized it before, but I’ve always found it interesting how sometimes when one person dies, their spouse/partner dies not long after, whether from a disease, accident, or something else (murder doesn’t count). I’ve always thought it was odd, but at the same time it seems sweet in a way. It seems that most of the time this happens to couples who were special, couples who were married an unbelievable length, or who had some type of special connection that the whole world saw yet no one could explain. Particularly I’ve noticed it with elderly couples, you know that were married at 18 and have been together 50 or 60 years; something so rare nowadays.

I actually have personal experience with this phenomenon, if you can even call it that. My great grandparents were married over 60 years and died within 2 weeks of each other. I was pretty young when it happened, so obviously I didn’t think this then, but now I kind of look at it as if maybe they were so connected that one literally couldn’t live without the other. Same with the Reeves; maybe Christopher and Dana Reeve were so connected that they just couldn’t live without one another, even if she could function in every day life (which we all know she could and did with the grace of no one I’ve ever seen before). It’s almost a beautiful thing. This idea that two people can be so connected that they are literally 2 halves of a spiritual whole. Now I’m not really a religious person, but something like that can only be the power of something bigger than us all.

So it brings me to my point. How much reality is there in this idea of soul mates? And if there is such a thing, are we guaranteed to find that person? Even more so, is it possible we have more than one soul mate?

I believe in soul mates, to an extent. I believe that out there somewhere there is someone who fits every person like a glove. I don’t think they’re two people who are necessarily exactly alike or complete opposites. I don’t think they necessarily live anywhere near each other. I’m not even positive that these two people will ever in their lifetime come in contact. That’s the hard part about soul mates; it’s never that obvious.

You’d think that with your soul mate you’d get this instant feeling, a feeling you’ve never felt before, yet I’m sure there are plenty of people that would say the first feeling they had with their soul mate was not a good one. You know what’s the worst thing of all about this soul mate idea though? The fact that sometimes the person we think is our soul mate, isn’t, never will be, and/or never was truly our soul mate. Sometimes people change. Sometimes we change. And sometimes we just didn’t get that we never fit with that person at all.

So in the end, what is the truth behind a soul mate? I think it’s really up to you. No one can tell you how to tell if a person is your soul mate and you won’t necessarily get a feeling like in the movies. All I know is that, from observation and a small amount of experience, two soul mates, true soul mates, could never live without each other once they’ve found one another.

So next time you’re wallowing in your own sadness and heartbreak over ‘the one that got away’, think about the fact that if they really truly are your soul mate, the person you’re meant to be with, then hopefully a) no matter what you do, say, or where you go, you’ll end up together in the end or b) you’ll realize that you’re still alive and you’re still functioning, even more you’re still a whole person… and then maybe you’ll realize they weren’t really your soul mate after all and you’ll dry your tears, and you’ll get out of bed, and you’ll start to live your life again.

Posted by Manda at 07:21 PM | Comments (0)

Password Past...

Passwords are a funny thing. They tend to be a one worded history of our lives. We can always tell what was going on in our lives, who we were with, or if we were happy or not based on what the password we made was. Or even more, you can tell exactly when you made a password based on what it is. Unfortunately, passwords can be a small sign of obsession too. A sign that maybe we aren’t over that one person or one little thing quite as much as we say we are.

Recently a friend of mine asked me if it would bother me if most of my boyfriend’s passwords were about (like names or initials) his ex-girlfriends. Without even thinking I said “No, of course not.” I told her that she should remember a few things about his passwords before she started to panic – that they were probably made before she was even around, when those other girlfriends were around, and that a lot of people use the same few passwords for everything forever because it’s the only way they’ll remember them.

So how can you tell if that is why they have those passwords? Honestly, it’s difficult and even the few tell tale signs I’ve found don’t apply to everyone and/or every situation. But I did come up with a few things that should at least peak your curiosity.

1. If your partner still sees the ex who he/she uses as his/her password – If he/she works with the person, this really doesn’t apply. They can’t help but see them. But if they still hang out a lot voluntarily and your partner is making new passwords for things using them, sounds like a little bit of a red flag to me.

2. If your partner doesn’t see the ex at all yet still mentions them every once in awhile and is using them as a password – The fact that they’re still mentioning their ex, even though they don’t see them at all, should be red flag enough. I mean most people don’t talk about people they never see, never mind the person they were in love with 5 years ago that they never see. So the fact that they’re making new passwords with them in it is a tad suspicious.

3. If your partner is using their ex as a password for something you both use – If your partner has created any kind of joint account for the both of you, such as an e-mail or picture community, and has used their ex as a password, that’s a problem! Why on Earth would they think it was OK to use an ex as a password for an account for the two of you? Doesn’t make any sense to me. I’d say this is the biggest red flag from this list. If this happens, you and your partner need to have a chat immediately.

Now it’s important to remember that most of the time ust because they use an ex as a password doesn’t mean they still have feelings for them. But it’s also important to remember that sometimes it does. If you find you can’t get past it though, and that it seriously bothers you, talk to your partner about it. Also, remember that it isn’t about the passwords they’ve made in the past, it’s about the passwords they’re making right now!

Posted by Manda at 12:23 PM | Comments (0)

Dealing With Distance

So if you don't know it already, I am in a long distance relationship. I have been for almost 2 years now. I see my boyfriend for a few days every 6 weeks or so (and of course during winter break), but other than that it's all phone. A lot of people ask me how I do it, and I always seem to tell them the same thing - "you just do," but I understand that that isn't enough for most people.

At first I didn't even know how I was going to do. I mean it's over 1300 miles! But I think that if you want it that bad, you'll do it. And getting through has a lot to do with that, wanting it that bad. And you have to be positive, very very positive. I have my negative days, and he does too, but you talk to each other about and then it doesn't seem so bad. And it takes a lot of work. I mean think about how much work it takes to keep a relationship alive when you see each other every day. Every relationship has their little issue or boundry, and this is just some people's. So I came up with a few things to help people who are just starting a long distance relationship.

1: Keep looking to tomorrow, but don't let it consume you. If you think too much about it, you'll drive yourself crazy and the time will feel like it's going as slow as a snail. Personally, I have a dry erase board that I use for school and stuff, and every day I scribble through that day when it's over. That way I can see the days go by without having to obsesse over it. It may sound silly, but it really does work. And honestly, you'll be amazed how fast the time goes, especially if this is a constant in your life. You're busy, he/she is busy, and the time flies. You blink and you're back together.

2: When the trip is over, don't dwell on the fact that he or she is leaving. I do that every few trips and I just end up hysterically crying at the airport and making myself look crazy to the people around me. It's never pretty! Instead, think about how amazing (or at least I hope it was) your time together was. I may not have many days with my boyfriend, but the ones we have are always wonderful. I guess thats what keeps us together, the memories we make. Sounds corny, but it's true.

Look, if you are going through this, I understand your pain. It sucks and sometimes you want to give up and sometimes you aren't sure what you want anymore, but in the end your other half is always there to remind you why you do this. Whether it be a phone call, an email, or a text message, something always lifts me up. I can live off a good phone call for days! So just keep smiling, keeping thinking of the memories, and keep your glass half full at all times!

And then again, this isn't for everyone. Some people just can't do this and that doesn't mean you have a bad or a weak relationship. It doesn't really mean anything. So if one of you has to move away, and you can only see eachother once every 2 months, and you just can't do that mentally, emotionally, and/or physically, don't worry. It doesn't make you a bad person. But you really should try, if it means that much to you. Who knows, you might actually surprise yourself with how well you do. I sure did!

Posted by Manda at 03:29 PM | Comments (0)

Amanda's Reasons Why Not...

Hey all… quick apology about last week. I was slammed with schoolwork and a few other articles I’m working on right now, so I got a little behind. Thanks for the patience.

I don’t know if anyone remembers this, but a few weeks ago a show on ABC was canceled called “Emily’s Reasons Why Not.” Now I really liked the show. I thought it was a cute concept. But I’m not a critic and I don’t keep things on the air, so ultimately after one week it was gone.

Well anyways, it made me think. What would be the reasons I would not date a person, or I would advice someone not to date a person?

1. Bad hygenine – Do I really need to elaborate on this? If you can’t stand to watch them eat, toss and turn sleeping next to them, and feel too embarrassed by them to take them out with your friends, it’s probably time to say goodbye. Relationships should not test your gag reflex!

2. Bad manners – Another one I don’t feel I should have to elaborate on, but I will anyways. People with bad manners are the worst, so why would you want to date one. You can’t take them out, you can’t take them around people you know, and do you seriously want to have deal with a situation like them farting, on purpose, while at a fancy dinner out with your friends or make incredibly disgusting jokes you’re your parents? I don’t think you do.

3. If your friends get a weird vibe – Now it’s not that you shouldn’t listen to your family when they say they get a weird vibe from the person you’re dating, it’s just that sometimes your family doesn’t get that what’s really right for you isn’t what they think is right for you. Sometimes families only think about themselves. Your friends on the other hand are always blunt with you; they’ll tell you if you look fat; they’ll tell you if she’s a bitch; they’ll tell you if your partner is sketchy. They’re really the best gauge when it comes to dating because although they want you to be happy, they don’t care who it is makes you happy, and will only step in if they feel you’re in danger, mentally or physically.

These are of course not all the reasons I’d give why not to date a person, but these should be helpful for right now. I’ll probably think of some more along the way, and when I do, I’ll make sure to write them down.

Posted by Manda at 03:07 PM | Comments (1)