« May 2006 | Main | August 2006 »

Looking For Love Online: A Beginner's Guide...

I’m not a big Dr. Phil person. It’s not that I don’t agree with what he says or think he’s knowledgeable when it comes to what he’s talking about, I think it’s just that I don’t like the way he gives his advice sometimes. Plus, there are a lot of times when he’s just a little too crazy for me and I get very annoyed! But lately his topics have caught my attention and not long ago was no exception. The topic was online dating and well, I may not have tried it myself, but let’s just say I've learned a lot about the subject from all of my friends' horror, and sometimes magical, stories!

I know that there are a lot of people out there who still look at online dating in the wrong way or are scared to try it because of a few horror stories they’ve heard. If you really think about it though, is it really any different than regular dating?

When you meet someone in a bar, what do you know about them? Nothing right? When you meet someone at a friend’s party, what do you know about them? Again, nothing. When you meet someone in the grocery store, at the gym, your first day of college, what do you know about them? Nothing! See where I’m going with this. Meeting people online, if you look at it in the right light, is no different than meeting people in real life. Some people are very skeptical of it because they feel it’s easy for people to lie or that they could be psychotic stalker serial killers, but when you meet a stranger that no one you know knows in a bar or the park, couldn’t they be the same thing? It’s just as easy to lie in person as it is online. People, this is 2006! Let’s get rid of the online dating stigma. I never use to advocate it, but the more I see the websites and how safe it’s become, the better the idea I think it is. I mean let’s face it, online dating is like the Super Wal-Mart of all dating – if you want it, they have it!

It’s important though that you know how to properly online date. You can’t just go in to this without your common sense on high OK? So I compiled a little, OK not so little, list of some tips that I think could help.

Posting Online
1. Always Use Spell Check – This may not seem like it should be first on the list, but do you know how stupid you look if you spell where you live or a simple word like ‘baseball’ wrong. It shows people you don’t care about your profile, and they probably won’t expect too much effort out of you for anything else. And seriously, how hard is it to press F7 on your computer?
2. Use A Reliable Website – There are so many big-name online dating websites out there right now, so why use some small one no one’s heard of? Check out what one’s run commercials often on TV or even ask around if anyone has successfully used any. I’ve never tried them, but it seems Match.com and eHarmony are the favorites.
3. Always Post A Picture – People pass on people with no pictures. It instantly shows you’re trying to hide something. And unless you’re looking for this kind of attention, don’t put pictures on of yourself ½ naked or in suggestive poses. Your best bet is to put a day to day picture of yourself on, possibly doing something you’ve written as one of your hobbies or interests. Try and use a lot of different pictures too. Oh and always use an up to date picture.
4. Make It Unique – You are a unique person, so why shouldn’t your profile be? Don’t just write usual things, write things about yourself that will stand out and draw some attention. Don’t be afraid to brag a little – only a little though. I mean if you performed in the Macy’s Day Parade or have been to every continent, write that! You’ll draw in people who share your interests and maybe find someone who’s done the same forming an instant bond!
5. Be Careful Of The Message Your Sending – Like I mentioned when talking about the pictures. Unless you’re looking to just ‘hook up’, don’t put a picture of yourself in a teeny-tiny bikini posing like a girl in Playboy. You’ll only attract certain type of people, people that may not be who you’re looking to attract. Also be careful of you’re wording. Some words have a certain quality to them and may make you sound dependent, desperate, egotistical. Your best bet is to have a friend or family member look over everything before you post it. If they approve you should be good to go!
6. Use A Catchy Headline – Your headline is usually the 1st thing people read about you so make sure it contains the best info. Something catchy, interesting, and/or amazing about you. Something no one else will have. Or use sayings from things you like, like movies or music. Someone may see it and be like “I love that song too” and decide to e-mail you.
7. Be Honest – Sometimes we don’t like to be honest about ourselves. And sometimes we don’t want to be honest about what we’re looking for. The minute you stop being honest though is the minute you attract the wrong people or no people at all. There are literally millions and millions of people online for you to fish through, so what’s the point of lying. If it doesn’t work out with one, there’s always another!
8. Offer Important Tidbits About Yourself, Not Your Life Story – There is plenty of time to talk about your 5th grade trip to the museum, so please don’t use your profile as a place to do this! Your profile should be short, sweet, straight to the point, and contain only the most important information.
9. Don’t Give Out Important Personal Information – I can’t say this enough. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE OUT PERSONAL INFORMATION! Start out with an e-mail/messaging on the site, then maybe move to a separate e-mail address (one that you have created specifically for online dating). Eventually you can move on to a phone number (cell phone only, never home or work). Don’t rush it though!
10. Have Your Family & Friends Help – No matter how much you may hate it, no one knows you better than your family and your friends, usually. So call on their help when you’re planning to online date. They’ll probably be honest more honest with you about your pictures, what you should and shouldn’t write, and how to go about sorting through the good and the bad than you would be with yourself.

Meeting People
1. Use The Three Time Talk Rule – I made this rule up, but I think it’s a good one. Before you meet up with someone for the first time you should always use this rule. It basically means that you should have at least three phone conversations before you meet someone in person. And I don’t mean five or ten minute conversations. I mean long in depth getting to know people conversations. Phone dates if you will. They don’t have to last hours but they should have good substance to them. When you hang up, you should feel like you really learned a lot about the person.
2. Be Open To Everyone – You may think you know exactly what you want in a partner, but chances are you don’t! This isn’t exactly like meeting people in a bar. You’re going to have a million different options and all at once. Maybe you’ve never dated someone of another religion or maybe you think have to have someone who’s been to college. It’s good to know what you’re looking for, but it’s also good to realize that what you’re looking for isn’t concrete. Don’t be afraid to meet everyone and anyone. Always e-mail back someone who e-mails you. I mean it takes two seconds and it can’t hurt. Plus, you may actually find what you want in a person you never would’ve talked to in a bar.
3. Have Your Family & Friends Help, Again – Just like when you post your profile, have your family and/or friends sift through your possible dates. They’ll smack you when you’re blind to someone and they’ll open your eyes when you need to steer clear of someone.
4. Don’t Be Afraid To Say The Wrong Thing – Again there are literally millions and million of people online so if you screw up with one person, there’s always another right around the corner. With that said, don’t be afraid to be yourself or say the wrong thing. Through e-mail and messaging is honestly (and I know from experience) the easiest place to open up and be yourself, especially for people who are really shy.

The First Meeting
1. Always Meet In A Public Place During Peak Hours – This really speaks for itself. The more people around, the safer you usually are and will feel. Oh and a side tip, when you walk back to your car, always have your cell phone in hand ready to dial any number if needed.
2. Always Make Sure Someone Knows Exactly Where You’ll Be – Never go off without someone knowing exactly where you’re going to be, which should be easy since, as stated in number four of this list, you’ll be meeting up and therefore always know where you’re going ahead of time. It’s just a good precaution.
3. Have An Emergency Caller – I know this sounds silly, and rude to your date, but in my head it’s always good to have an emergency caller, someonee to call you midway and make sure everything is going OK. It’s also a great way to get out of a date if the date is a disaster! (Just kidding that’s horrible haha)
4. Always Take Your Own Car – I know we’re supposed to be saving gas and the environment and what not, but it’s a lot better to save your life. Always drive yourself to where you’re meeting and never get in the other person’s car, not for any reason!
5. Keep Your Guard Door Up But Take Off The Lock – Online dating is scary, I understand that. But then again, all dating is scary. It’s good to have your guard up so you can sift through the mud and muck of bad daters and wrong doers, but you have to take the lock off and loosen up a little. Don’t open the door at first, just take the lock off. If you don’t, the person won’t get to know the real you and chances are you won’t relax enough to know the real them. So seriously, take the lock off!

In the end, online dating is a fun and easy way to find the person you’re looking for, no matter what it is you’re looking for. You might even like it! I know crazy! Just remember to be smart about it, don’t be scared, and be open and honest to everyone. You never know, the love of your life could be someone from the other side of the country, fifteen years older or younger than you, or the exact opposite of what you always thought you were looking for. You just have to be open! Good luck!

Posted by Manda at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)

Call Me...

What is an acceptable time to call someone after they give you they’re phone number? That’s the question I’m posing to everyone out there.

Not long ago my boyfriend and I had a discussion about girls and guys calling each other and we couldn’t agree on an acceptable time for a guy or girl to call someone they’ve received the number of after they received their number.

My boyfriend said two days. I think he’s seen that movie “Swingers” too many times! He thinks that if you call that night or even the day after it sounds too desperate and that the girl will react negatively to the call. To him, if you met on a Saturday, it’s good to call on Monday or Tuesday to make plans for later that week. Absolutely no earlier though!

I had a different idea. I think it unfortunately has to do with your gender. If you’re a woman, I think it’s good to wait a day. I don’t make the rules, and I surely don’t agree with a lot of them, but I know what they say. Women who call that night or the next day are always marked desperate or too eager and guys hate that. I’m not saying its right, I’m just saying be honest with yourself that it’s true. On the other hand though, I think it’s plenty acceptable for a guy to call the next day or even an hour or so after meeting just to say ‘Hey I had a nice time talking to you. I hope we can see each other again soon.’ To me that’s not desperate. It’s refreshing! It shows me that the guy is really putting some effort to this. If we meet on Saturday and he doesn’t call till Tuesday, do you know what that is saying to me? ‘I thought you were great that night, but not great enough to think about and/or pick up the phone and dial a number for two days.’ Not my idea of a guy I want to go out with!

I think there are a plenty of other woman out there who believe that, especially since “He’s Just Not That Into You” came out, but my boyfriend says I’m the minority and he wanted to prove it to me by seeing what my readers and the Seacoast community think. So again I ask, what is the acceptable time to call someone after they give you they’re phone number?

Posted by Manda at 11:34 AM | Comments (0)

Finally Jumping On The "He's Just Not That Into You" Bandwagon...

So I’ve finally jumped on the bandwagon and started reading “He’s Just Not That Into You” and I have to say I’m loving! Everyone and anyone, all women everywhere in the world, coupled or single should be reading this book!

It’s not that I haven’t had the book, but I’m not really a “book” person and so it’s taken me almost a year and a half to open it. Plus I love my relationship and, while we have our bumps in the road, I know my boyfriend is that in to me. Actually, one of my biggest fears about reading this book was that my boyfriend would fall in to one of the categories in the book. Thankfully, so far, he’s clear!

A lot of my future blogs will be coming from things I’ve read in this book, so I wanted to let everyone know ahead of time I was reading instead of having to repeat myself at the beginning of each blog. I first saw Greg one night when I couldn’t sleep. It was like two in the morning, I was flipping through channels, and I stopped on this comedian on BET. I seriously almost peed myself for like an hour. I didn’t hear about him again for almost a year when I saw him on TV talking about his book. I knew I had to have it!

I originally wanted the book as more of a research tool than for myself. I wanted to be able to use it for advice now and in the future. Instead I found myself looking back on all my relationships and going “What the hell was I thinking? He just wasn’t that into me!” This book really has opened my mind to how good my relationship is now and how good or bad some of my past relationships were. I really recommend everyone read this book, even if you are in a great relationship. One of the things I found it really helped was closure. There are a few incidences in my past that I just couldn’t understand why they happened the way they happened. I spent a lot of time blaming myself, thinking there was something wrong with me. Then I read this book.

So if you’re looking for some closure, some insight in to your own relationship, or just a book that’ll give you a good laugh (Greg’s sarcasm is hilarious – remember he’s really a comedian) please pick up this book! I beg you! Happy reading 

Posted by Manda at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)