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Searching For "The One"...

I’ve spent my whole life dreaming of the fairy tale ending. We all know the one: 1 husband, 2.5 kids, a picket fence and a dog named Spot; the total package. Even better, it’s all controllable, well all of it except one thing – the husband.

Yes, finding “the one” is no more controllable than adding hours to the day, no matter how much we believe it is. I think I’ve spent my whole life looking for “the one.” I swear I was looking in the sandbox. I’ve always known what I was looking for and, like with everything else in my life, I’ve always been impatient when it comes to finding it.
When I was about thirteen I made an on-paper list of all the things I wanted in “the one.” I had seen someone do it on TV and saw it as a good idea. I would put it under my pillow at night and dream of finding that special someone. (And I know what you’re thinking – she’s insane! But c’mon I was thirteen and we all do ridiculous things when we’re young. So give me a break please!)

Well guess what – he never came! Shocking, I know! But why would he have come? I mean A. I was only thirteen and B. Even if I hadn’t only been thirteen, I was trying way way way too hard. And that’s my point – if you’re having trouble finding “the one,” you’re probably trying/looking to hard. If you ask most people how they met, they won’t tell you, “Oh well I went looking for “the one” and found him/her immediately;” they’ll usually tell you a story about running in to them at a party, the gym, at work or even as random as an airplane. And even more, they almost always say, “I didn’t expect to meet him/her” or “I wasn’t even looking to date anyone at the time.” I mean I met my “the one” when I had pretty much decided I was going to live the single life at least till mid-college. Guys seemed like too much of a hassle at the time, and I had too many other things I needed to focus on.

People put too much energy in to finding the one, but in my opinion, all that energy just leads to dead ends. My number one piece of advice in finding a partner is to stop looking! It’s just like shopping for clothes. When you’re shopping for something specific you never find it, but when you’re shopping for nothing at all you find everything. Dating is kind of like that. If you’re looking too hard you’re probably overlooking, but if you’re not looking at all your mind is open and you aren’t blinded by the specifics that you’re usually looking for. It may even open your mind to some things you thought you didn’t want or didn’t realize you want. My number two piece of advice is to relax. People can sense when you’re tense, overeager, nervous, fearful, whatever. If you’re not relaxing you’re going to stress yourself out, get frustrated and that will rub off on to anyone you try to meet. So take some time, step back and forget about “the one.” Just relax and let things happen. And my number three piece of advice, if you’re like me and still carrying around one of these things, is to throw out this list! Don’t lie; you know you still have it! Well get rid of it! It’s useless. It’s good to know what you’re looking for, but it’s bad to be narrow-minded about what you’re looking for and to obsess over it, which is exactly what you’re doing my keeping that list.

Finding “the one” isn’t about going out and fine-tooth combing the world. Finding “the one” is about connecting with people until you find a fit. Yes it’s important to go out and people a lot of people, but don’t stress when you’re doing it. And I’m not putting down online dating. I like online dating, as long as you’re safe. I’m a believer in making things happen for yourself, but don’t spend every day all day searching online. It’s like the list; throw it out. Make a profile and wait. Online or offline, at work or on an airplane, just wait. Things will happen. I promise!

Posted by Manda at 01:17 PM | Comments (0)

The Cure To Awaken The Activities In The Bedroom...

So many times you hear about married couples complaining there isn't enough sex in their life. Whether it be because of work, children, illness or any other obligation, people just don't seem to be getting enough to satisfy themselves. Well, everyone listen up because Dr. Berman has the answer to your problem...

MORE CHORES!!! I'm serious. I know it may sound crazy, but according to an article written by Dr. Berman, the more chores the man of the house does, the more sex he'll have. In the article "Men Who Do More Housework Have More Sex" (now that's a straight-to-the-point title! haha) Dr. Berman writes about a study done by pyschologist John Gottman over a period of 30 years that showed that "men who do more housework frequently have more and better quality sex." And isn't that what we all really want?
At first I was confused. I couldn't figure out how those two things could relate to/influence one another. But as I read on it all made perfect sense. According to Gottman's study helping with chores shows that you care about the responsibilities your spouse has and that you are willing to help them, which he says is a "powerful aprodisiac for many women." If you really think about it isn't that what usually happens? Your husband or wife helps you out with the things around the house you're stressing about, and all of the sudden you feel more like being intimate. You're less stressed out and your house is clean; who wouldn't be in the mood? And women, don't be deceived by the title of the article. Men aren't the only ones winning in this situation. You're getting help with whatever you need done, whether it be housework, stuff with the kids or maybe a project you're working on at work, and, let us remember, your husband isn't in that bed alone!
So women and men get out your cleaning gloves, fill a bucket with water and get to scrubbing those floors and that bathroom. Trust me, when the reward comes around you'll be happy you did!

Posted by Manda at 01:57 PM | Comments (0)

Consulting With Your Partner...

OK, so this blog is really outdated. It got lost in the shuffle of my computer and, when I found it the other day, I decided I still wanted to post it; especially since this show will be starting again this week.

Now I know I’ve done a blog about consulting your partner about things before, but recently a situation came up and all of the sudden the sides my boyfriend and I took switched. It was about taking a job and this time he sided w/ “consult me” and I sided w/ “no way!”

Has anybody seen the new show on Bravo, “The Real Housewives of Orange County”? Well, one of the couples on the show that they follow is a man, mid thirties, child from a previous marriage, and his fiancé, mid 20s, little bit of a party girl. To give a quick background: Jo, the fiancé, doesn’t work b/c Slade, her fiancé, wants her to stay home and take care of the house and children and what not; and it doesn’t hurt that he makes bucket loads of money so she really doesn’t have to work. Well Jo wants to work. She’s a college graduate with dreams of her own and well, she wants to pursue them. So any who, 2 weeks ago Jo got a job, her “dream job”, and well Slade freaked when she told him.

So this caused a large argument between my boyfriend and I about, if one of us got a chance to do our dream job, if we’d need to consult the other one about it. Unlike with the buying things situation my boyfriend said that we should say something to the other partner before we accepted the job, and I said that unless it involved a move, there is no reason I should have to consult him before taking the job.

My reasoning is that well it’s my job, it’s not his. He shouldn’t be able to tell me where to and where not to work, not that I think he would, but still what if it was my dream job, but I’d be making less money, and so he’d tell me he didn’t think I should take it. Bull! It’s my dream job!

My boyfriend’s stance is that it isn’t about consulting him. It’s about informing him what’s going on. Yes I agree that I should tell him what’s going on, but that’s my boyfriend. What if he was the type of guy who wanted me to consult him, meaning basically ask him for permission (like in Slade and Jo’s situation); then what would I do? I would never do what Jo did, just walked in the house one afternoon and said “Honey, I got a job!” but I definitely don’t think that I should have to “be allowed” to get a job.

So I was just wondering what married couples thought? Should Jo have had to “consult” with Slade about getting a job, or should it have been OK for her to just say “Slade I want to get a job. I was offered my dream job and I’m going to take.”

Posted by Manda at 09:37 AM | Comments (0)

Finding "The One"...

I’ve spent my whole life dreaming of the fairy tale ending – great career, 1 husband, 2.5 kids, a picket fence and a dog named Spot. To me it’s the whole package. And I’ve never really been worried about most of it. I mean all of it is controllable, well all except that silly husband part. Imagine that, even when he isn’t around yet he’s still a pain in the neck! Honestly, finding “the one” is no more controllable than adding hours to the day, no matter how much we believe it is. But there is one secret that may help. You’ve probably actually already heard it and just haven’t listen. Well listen up people, cause here it is!

I may be young, but I’ve been searching for “the one”, my very own prince charming, since I was a little girl. I swear I was looking in the sandbox. And I’ve always known what I was looking for. I even made a list when I was 13. I wrote it on a piece of paper, sprayed it with my body spray and put it under my pillow every night (I know what you’re thinking, but I was only 13 and hey we all do ridiculous things when we’re young!).

Well guess what, he never came! I know, shocking! But why would he have? I mean A. I was only 13 and B. I was trying way too hard. And that’s the secret – stop trying so hard; in fact, stop trying at all! If you go around asking people how they met their mate you won’t hear too much of, “Well, I was looking for “the one”, and I found him/her.” Chances are they’ll tell you that they met him/her at the gym, at work or in the grocery store, and that “I didn’t expect to meet him/her” or “I wasn’t even looking to date at the time.” I mean, I met “the one” when I had pretty much decided I was going to stay single till at least mid-college. I had had a rough few months and, with going far from home for college, I wanted to experience it all. Then one day there he was. If I had been looking for someone I doubt I would’ve found him or he would’ve found me.

People put so much energy in to finding “the one”, but in my opinion it’s when you stop looking that mates just fall on your doorstep. Too much energy always seems to lead to a dead end. You have to relax and stop treating looking for “the one” like it’s your job. And I know that looking hard for “the one” is what it’s all about lately, especially with all those online dating sites, but posting yourself online and going out on some dates isn’t looking too hard – remember you do need to still do something and make some things happen for yourself. Just don’t spend every day on there acting like if you don’t find someone your life is over. I’m sure that as soon as you stop beating yourself up about finding someone, relax and step back to really look around things will all work out. Chances are there is someone around you right now that you’ve just overlooked because, well, you’re looking too hard!

Posted by Manda at 12:18 PM | Comments (0)

Welcome To The New Year!!!

Well hello everyone! Welcome to 2007! It's a new year and I hope everyone had a great 2006, holiday season and new year's eve. I know that I've been slacking lately, but it was a hard semester and I had a lot going on. But I'm back and better than ever! I'm ready to start the new year with a bang, and I promise I'll be around a lot more.

Posted by Manda at 12:17 PM | Comments (0)