If you don’t know already, I am involved in a very long distance relationship. We see each other pretty often for the distance between us, but even with that, sometimes one of us or both of us just feel out of touch with the other. Recently I had one of those times. There was a lot going in both of our lives, and I was feeling that our relationship was dehydrated and that we just weren’t connecting anymore.

I know I’m not the only one who feels like this from time to time, so I thought I’d give some of my personal tips, along with tips I’ve heard from my favorite doctor, Dr. Bermen, of how to rehydrate your relationship.

1. Try new things together – This is a great way to reconnect with one another because it’s like having another first. I think sometimes when people have been in a relationship for a long time they get discouraged about how the rest of their life with this person will go because they notice things are always the same ole same ole . They start thinking about the routine they may be stuck in, the first they no longer have, and this, if not helped, can result in straying. But if you get together and, as a couple, decide on something new you’d like to try, wallah, a new first is created. A couple of good suggestions: a cooking class, a wine tasting class, rock climbing, an art class or gardening.

2. Love notes, the 21st century way – OK, so since my boyfriend and I can’t leave love notes in each other’s lunches or on one another’s pillows every day, we use what technology have given us – text messaging. It’s a great way to let your significant other know you’re thinking of them in the middle of the day, and it kind of makes you feel like you’re in middle school again passing secret notes across the classroom. I recommend sending nice ones and naughty ones, that way not only is your romantic life kept alive, but so is your life in the bedroom!

3. Go on a date – I know it sounds silly, especially if you’re already living together, but a date is one of the best ways to reconnect with one another. Even better, recreate a date from the beginning of your relationship, no matter how extravagant or simple it may have been. Ladies, do all the things you would do for a first date (yes that means you need to break out your razor!), and guys, go outside, knock on the door and pick her up, just like when you weren’t living together. Trust me, it makes it more special. And don’t forget her favorite flowers!

4. Dr. Bermen’s exercises – If anyone watched Sexual Healing on Showtime you’ll recognize these next two tests. The first one is a touching exercise. Basically one partner lies down somewhere comfortable, preferably a bed or couch, clothing optional, and the other partner rubs and massages the first partner. The idea is not to turn each other on, but to reconnect with one another’s body; it’s supposed to be sensual, not sexual. Here’s the kicker though – you can’t have sex afterward. You can satisfy yourself when all is done, but not one another and not in the same. It’s a good way to jump start sex drives if that’s what you’re looking for. Oh, and don’t forget to set the mood in the room first! The second test is a food test, and I’m sure a lot of people are going to think it’s odd. They say that when you take out one of your senses all of your other senses are heightened; well, this is what this one is for. One partner is blindfolded and fed by another partner. It’s also a good time to sneak aphrodisiac foods in to your relationship. It also establishes trust between one another. It’s a little odd sounding, but hey anything is worth a try to get your relationship back in gear right?

Look, these tricks are all really good, and from my experience they work, but none of them can happen if you don’t communicate first. Communication is the foundation for everything. It’s a corny but true saying. You need to tell your partner exactly how you are feeling, no matter how embarrassed or unsure you are. A good way to make sure you say everything you want to say and how you want to say it is to spend some time writing things down before you have the conversation. And one more thing, if your partner makes you feel like you can’t talk to them about this or that your feelings are stupid or ridiculous in any way, maybe you shouldn’t be trying to reconnect, maybe you should be reevaluating things instead.

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