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March 30, 2006
My Apologies...I want to take this time to a) apologize for having taken weeks, even months, to write back to a few of my readers and b) pray to the earth and heavens above, down on my hands and knees, that you have continued to read even though it took me so long to write back. I promise this will never happen again! I’ve been held down with classes (school work is such a drag haha) and working on getting clips for my portfolio for school, so unfortunately, my blog has not been able to my 1st priority. So I wanted to use this blog to write back to all of you who took time out of your day to leave your thoughts for me and others to read. P.S. – Sorry the font of the actual comments is so small, but I had to get it to fit in as little space as possible. If you would like to read the original comment, in proper size, check out the blog where it can be found (each comment is separated by blog title – least recent to most recent). From “Equality Equals Love” (2/08/2006): Pollywogg wrote: Equality is (imho) not always the foundation on which to base a relationship....people vary so much in upbringing, inborn personality type, even I.Q. levels....For example a doctor could fall in love with a waitress from a poor family, she may be smart but not smart enough to go to med school like him...but if he treats her like gold...and they respect each other and enjoy life together I think that's what it's all about. To Pollywogg: I agree with you, equality isn’t everything, but it’s definitely big. I mean honestly, in this day and age, when was the last time you saw a doctor and waitress fall and love and both feel completely equal in their relationship? Unfortunately it doesn’t seem that common. Also I think you’re right about sharing core values but not needing everything in common. Also I love the way you put that love is a decision and that you may not always feel love for your partner. That fact is very true! Maynardgirl wrote: A person is equal to another person simply by being a person. Everyone deserves the same rights and considerations. If you are involved with someone less inteligent than you or that makes less money than you that does not make you superior. You are equal because you are people and respect eachother. I would say respect rather than equality is the backbone of a relationship and a love without it is a base and hollow love. To Maynardgirl: I agree that respect is huge in a relationship, but let’s face it, we’re human beings and it is our nature to at one time or another feel superior over someone. It’s impossible to deny that. Does it make us bad people? As long as it isn’t out of control, no! And no one said you can’t love w/out equality, it’s just that the more equal you are the more respect you seem to have for one another and therefore the more love you feel. Also no one is saying that ppl deserve a different amount of respect and love. That is in no way true, everyone deserves the same amount, but no everyone gets it. Look equality is better now than say the 50s but is in perfect, no— and that’s the thing we need to remember.
"To think that even though you've been with someone 25 years and you know you're in love, that it's possible you aren't in love as much as you think. It's a good thing to think about." To Bullyforme: Hold on hold on hold on! I’m definitely not encouraging anything! I can see why you may take it that way, but I promise I am not encouraging or suggesting anyone should be ending their marriage or relationship. I’m just saying that sometimes we may think we’re in love when we really aren’t. I mean think of all those times you thought that someone was the one and you were happy, yet in the end they weren’t the one. Also, I mostly mean couples who have problems or where one person feels inferior or unhappy, yet b/c they’ve been together so long they just stay together. So please don’t take it as encouragement and I’m sorry it came out that way. I’ll try to word things better next time. From “Broken Hearts” (2/15/2006): Pollywogg wrote: I like the old adage....."Time eases all things!"....It's simple but it's true....In much the same way that you can't remember what you got for Christmas two years ago...the pain of a broken heart will also fade into only a memory....the time scale varies, but you will get over it....do things that bring yourself joy in the mean time.... To Pollywogg: Very well put! Thanks for the input! Afterdark wrote: I say be active. Get out and do things you love to do or never thought of doing, like snowboarding or something. It's been quite a while since I had a completely broken heart, but I remember the thing that helped me most was getting out of the house and getting my mind off things. Eating ice cream and spending long hours on the phone with my gal pals helped too. To Afterdark: I agree. Ice cream eases the pain of anything! haha Thanks for the input! Seacoast Bartender wrote: Here are some thoughts for broken hearts, past present and future. To Seacoast Bartender: Wow, I didn’t expect anyone to write this much, but I can’t even explain how much I appreciate it! I really agree with a lot of what you. Thanks for sharing your stories and feelings. And hopefully you’ll have no more heart breaks! From “Amanda’s Reasons Why Not” (03/01/2006): Bullyforme wrote: 4. He asked your friend first, and she turned him down. To Bullyforme: I love that one! I wish I had come up with it myself haha, but since I didn’t it will forever be attributed to you bullyforme. Honestly people, you are too good to be called anyone’s sloppy seconds (which is what they will call you if you go out with this person)! Oh and if you don’t know they asked your friend first, but later find out, don’t immediately dump them but definitely talk to them and find out what’s up. Posted by Manda at 04:47 PM | Comments (0) Vote For Andy...Hey all… Just a side note, but a friend of my family’s is a modified race car driver in the area. His name is Andy Seuss. He’s a great driver and recently he was put in to a poll where, at the end of the voting, the top 15 drivers will be put on to a reality show on a major network (unsure which one). The show will be a competition, on and off the track, where viewers will vote for their favorite. At the end of the show (which will be a number of weeks long) the winner will receive cash and a chance to debut in a NASCAR Nextel race. So everyone go vote for him!!! You can vote once every hour and the voting will be going on until July. You can vote for him at http://www.racinforalivin.com/vote/. Just scroll down and click on the “vote” next to his name. Also, if you’d like more information about Andy and his racing, you can check him out at http://www.andyseuss.net/. Posted by Manda at 07:59 AM | Comments (0) March 29, 2006
Soul Mates...This may not be the most upbeat blog, but it’s just that the death of Dana Reeve a few weeks ago really got me thinking. When I heard of Dana Reeve’s illness, the first thought that came to my mind was “How? How could something like this happen?” This was a woman who never smoked, yet she had somehow developed this horrible disease. When she died earlier this month, again one of the first things that came to my mind was “How? How could something like this happen?” The answer I told myself was simple – soul mates. I don’t know if anyone has ever realized it before, but I’ve always found it interesting how sometimes when one person dies, their spouse/partner dies not long after, whether from a disease, accident, or something else (murder doesn’t count). I’ve always thought it was odd, but at the same time it seems sweet in a way. It seems that most of the time this happens to couples who were special, couples who were married an unbelievable length, or who had some type of special connection that the whole world saw yet no one could explain. Particularly I’ve noticed it with elderly couples, you know that were married at 18 and have been together 50 or 60 years; something so rare nowadays. I actually have personal experience with this phenomenon, if you can even call it that. My great grandparents were married over 60 years and died within 2 weeks of each other. I was pretty young when it happened, so obviously I didn’t think this then, but now I kind of look at it as if maybe they were so connected that one literally couldn’t live without the other. Same with the Reeves; maybe Christopher and Dana Reeve were so connected that they just couldn’t live without one another, even if she could function in every day life (which we all know she could and did with the grace of no one I’ve ever seen before). It’s almost a beautiful thing. This idea that two people can be so connected that they are literally 2 halves of a spiritual whole. Now I’m not really a religious person, but something like that can only be the power of something bigger than us all. So it brings me to my point. How much reality is there in this idea of soul mates? And if there is such a thing, are we guaranteed to find that person? Even more so, is it possible we have more than one soul mate? I believe in soul mates, to an extent. I believe that out there somewhere there is someone who fits every person like a glove. I don’t think they’re two people who are necessarily exactly alike or complete opposites. I don’t think they necessarily live anywhere near each other. I’m not even positive that these two people will ever in their lifetime come in contact. That’s the hard part about soul mates; it’s never that obvious. You’d think that with your soul mate you’d get this instant feeling, a feeling you’ve never felt before, yet I’m sure there are plenty of people that would say the first feeling they had with their soul mate was not a good one. You know what’s the worst thing of all about this soul mate idea though? The fact that sometimes the person we think is our soul mate, isn’t, never will be, and/or never was truly our soul mate. Sometimes people change. Sometimes we change. And sometimes we just didn’t get that we never fit with that person at all. So in the end, what is the truth behind a soul mate? I think it’s really up to you. No one can tell you how to tell if a person is your soul mate and you won’t necessarily get a feeling like in the movies. All I know is that, from observation and a small amount of experience, two soul mates, true soul mates, could never live without each other once they’ve found one another. So next time you’re wallowing in your own sadness and heartbreak over ‘the one that got away’, think about the fact that if they really truly are your soul mate, the person you’re meant to be with, then hopefully a) no matter what you do, say, or where you go, you’ll end up together in the end or b) you’ll realize that you’re still alive and you’re still functioning, even more you’re still a whole person… and then maybe you’ll realize they weren’t really your soul mate after all and you’ll dry your tears, and you’ll get out of bed, and you’ll start to live your life again. Posted by Manda at 07:21 PM | Comments (0) March 22, 2006
Password Past...Passwords are a funny thing. They tend to be a one worded history of our lives. We can always tell what was going on in our lives, who we were with, or if we were happy or not based on what the password we made was. Or even more, you can tell exactly when you made a password based on what it is. Unfortunately, passwords can be a small sign of obsession too. A sign that maybe we aren’t over that one person or one little thing quite as much as we say we are. Recently a friend of mine asked me if it would bother me if most of my boyfriend’s passwords were about (like names or initials) his ex-girlfriends. Without even thinking I said “No, of course not.” I told her that she should remember a few things about his passwords before she started to panic – that they were probably made before she was even around, when those other girlfriends were around, and that a lot of people use the same few passwords for everything forever because it’s the only way they’ll remember them. So how can you tell if that is why they have those passwords? Honestly, it’s difficult and even the few tell tale signs I’ve found don’t apply to everyone and/or every situation. But I did come up with a few things that should at least peak your curiosity. 1. If your partner still sees the ex who he/she uses as his/her password – If he/she works with the person, this really doesn’t apply. They can’t help but see them. But if they still hang out a lot voluntarily and your partner is making new passwords for things using them, sounds like a little bit of a red flag to me. 2. If your partner doesn’t see the ex at all yet still mentions them every once in awhile and is using them as a password – The fact that they’re still mentioning their ex, even though they don’t see them at all, should be red flag enough. I mean most people don’t talk about people they never see, never mind the person they were in love with 5 years ago that they never see. So the fact that they’re making new passwords with them in it is a tad suspicious. 3. If your partner is using their ex as a password for something you both use – If your partner has created any kind of joint account for the both of you, such as an e-mail or picture community, and has used their ex as a password, that’s a problem! Why on Earth would they think it was OK to use an ex as a password for an account for the two of you? Doesn’t make any sense to me. I’d say this is the biggest red flag from this list. If this happens, you and your partner need to have a chat immediately. Now it’s important to remember that most of the time ust because they use an ex as a password doesn’t mean they still have feelings for them. But it’s also important to remember that sometimes it does. If you find you can’t get past it though, and that it seriously bothers you, talk to your partner about it. Also, remember that it isn’t about the passwords they’ve made in the past, it’s about the passwords they’re making right now! Posted by Manda at 12:23 PM | Comments (0) March 08, 2006
Dealing With DistanceSo if you don't know it already, I am in a long distance relationship. I have been for almost 2 years now. I see my boyfriend for a few days every 6 weeks or so (and of course during winter break), but other than that it's all phone. A lot of people ask me how I do it, and I always seem to tell them the same thing - "you just do," but I understand that that isn't enough for most people. At first I didn't even know how I was going to do. I mean it's over 1300 miles! But I think that if you want it that bad, you'll do it. And getting through has a lot to do with that, wanting it that bad. And you have to be positive, very very positive. I have my negative days, and he does too, but you talk to each other about and then it doesn't seem so bad. And it takes a lot of work. I mean think about how much work it takes to keep a relationship alive when you see each other every day. Every relationship has their little issue or boundry, and this is just some people's. So I came up with a few things to help people who are just starting a long distance relationship. 1: Keep looking to tomorrow, but don't let it consume you. If you think too much about it, you'll drive yourself crazy and the time will feel like it's going as slow as a snail. Personally, I have a dry erase board that I use for school and stuff, and every day I scribble through that day when it's over. That way I can see the days go by without having to obsesse over it. It may sound silly, but it really does work. And honestly, you'll be amazed how fast the time goes, especially if this is a constant in your life. You're busy, he/she is busy, and the time flies. You blink and you're back together. 2: When the trip is over, don't dwell on the fact that he or she is leaving. I do that every few trips and I just end up hysterically crying at the airport and making myself look crazy to the people around me. It's never pretty! Instead, think about how amazing (or at least I hope it was) your time together was. I may not have many days with my boyfriend, but the ones we have are always wonderful. I guess thats what keeps us together, the memories we make. Sounds corny, but it's true. Look, if you are going through this, I understand your pain. It sucks and sometimes you want to give up and sometimes you aren't sure what you want anymore, but in the end your other half is always there to remind you why you do this. Whether it be a phone call, an email, or a text message, something always lifts me up. I can live off a good phone call for days! So just keep smiling, keeping thinking of the memories, and keep your glass half full at all times!
Posted by Manda at 03:29 PM | Comments (0) Dealing With DistanceSo if you don't know it already, I am in a long distance relationship. I have been for almost 2 years now. I see my boyfriend for a few days every 6 weeks or so (and of course during winter break), but other than that it's all phone. A lot of people ask me how I do it, and I always seem to tell them the same thing - "you just do," but I understand that that isn't enough for most people. At first I didn't even know how I was going to do. I mean it's over 1300 miles! But I think that if you want it that bad, you'll do it. And getting through has a lot to do with that, wanting it that bad. And you have to be positive, very very positive. I have my negative days, and he does too, but you talk to each other about and then it doesn't seem so bad. And it takes a lot of work. I mean think about how much work it takes to keep a relationship alive when you see each other every day. Every relationship has their little issue or boundry, and this is just some people's. So I came up with a few things to help people who are just starting a long distance relationship. 1: Keep looking to tomorrow, but don't let it consume you. If you think too much about it, you'll drive yourself crazy and the time will feel like it's going as slow as a snail. Personally, I have a dry erase board that I use for school and stuff, and every day I scribble through that day when it's over. That way I can see the days go by without having to obsesse over it. It may sound silly, but it really does work. And honestly, you'll be amazed how fast the time goes, especially if this is a constant in your life. You're busy, he/she is busy, and the time flies. You blink and you're back together. 2: When the trip is over, don't dwell on the fact that he or she is leaving. I do that every few trips and I just end up hysterically crying at the airport and making myself look crazy to the people around me. It's never pretty! Instead, think about how amazing (or at least I hope it was) your time together was. I may not have many days with my boyfriend, but the ones we have are always wonderful. I guess thats what keeps us together, the memories we make. Sounds corny, but it's true. Look, if you are going through this, I understand your pain. It sucks and sometimes you want to give up and sometimes you aren't sure what you want anymore, but in the end your other half is always there to remind you why you do this. Whether it be a phone call, an email, or a text message, something always lifts me up. I can live off a good phone call for days! So just keep smiling, keeping thinking of the memories, and keep your glass half full at all times!
Posted by Manda at 03:29 PM | Comments (0) March 01, 2006
Amanda's Reasons Why Not...Hey all… quick apology about last week. I was slammed with schoolwork and a few other articles I’m working on right now, so I got a little behind. Thanks for the patience. I don’t know if anyone remembers this, but a few weeks ago a show on ABC was canceled called “Emily’s Reasons Why Not.” Now I really liked the show. I thought it was a cute concept. But I’m not a critic and I don’t keep things on the air, so ultimately after one week it was gone. Well anyways, it made me think. What would be the reasons I would not date a person, or I would advice someone not to date a person? 1. Bad hygenine – Do I really need to elaborate on this? If you can’t stand to watch them eat, toss and turn sleeping next to them, and feel too embarrassed by them to take them out with your friends, it’s probably time to say goodbye. Relationships should not test your gag reflex! 2. Bad manners – Another one I don’t feel I should have to elaborate on, but I will anyways. People with bad manners are the worst, so why would you want to date one. You can’t take them out, you can’t take them around people you know, and do you seriously want to have deal with a situation like them farting, on purpose, while at a fancy dinner out with your friends or make incredibly disgusting jokes you’re your parents? I don’t think you do.
These are of course not all the reasons I’d give why not to date a person, but these should be helpful for right now. I’ll probably think of some more along the way, and when I do, I’ll make sure to write them down. Posted by Manda at 03:07 PM | Comments (1) February 15, 2006
Broken Hearts...Valentine’s Day was yesterday, and I hope all of you had a wonderful day, no matter what you were doing or who you were with, but now that it’s over it’s time to talk about something a little sadder; breaking up. Breaking up is hard at any age. Some say it gets harder as you get older, some say it’s the roughest when you’re a child; either way though, it hurts. When you’re an adult at least you’re better prepared for it, but the feelings run deeper and have probably lasted longer so the preparedness doesn’t really help. When you’re a child/young adult your heart is much more fragile and naïve, so even the slightest tear can feel like hell. Well recently I was given the opportunity to write an article for a small magazine down here for teenagers about how to get over a broken heart and I was hoping you, my readers who have been through this, could help me out a little bit. I’m only one person, and I’ve only had my experiences. I think that the best way to help these kids is to have the words of many different people who have been in many different situations. If you have any comments on the subject, you can leave them on here, but it’s best to e-mail me at a_a_hamilton@hotmail.com . If you do e-mail me, be sure to leave your name and e-mail address and a note saying that it is ok for me to quote you (if I should choose to do so) in the article. Thanks everyone for your help. Check back next week for my blog on Valentine’s Day- “Should We Really Be Celebrating This?” Posted by Manda at 12:37 PM | Comments (4) Broken Hearts...Valentine’s Day was yesterday, and I hope all of you had a wonderful day, no matter what you were doing or who you were with, but now that it’s over it’s time to talk about something a little sadder; breaking up. Breaking up is hard at any age. Some say it gets harder as you get older, some say it’s the roughest when you’re a child; either way though, it hurts. When you’re an adult at least you’re better prepared for it, but the feelings run deeper and have probably lasted longer so the preparedness doesn’t really help. When you’re a child/young adult your heart is much more fragile and naïve, so even the slightest tear can feel like hell. Well recently I was given the opportunity to write an article for a small magazine down here for teenagers about how to get over a broken heart and I was hoping you, my readers who have been through this, could help me out a little bit. I’m only one person, and I’ve only had my experiences. I think that the best way to help these kids is to have the words of many different people who have been in many different situations. If you have any comments on the subject, you can leave them on here, but it’s best to e-mail me at a_a_hamilton@hotmail.com . If you do e-mail me, be sure to leave your name and e-mail address and a note saying that it is ok for me to quote you (if I should choose to do so) in the article. Thanks everyone for your help. Check back next week for my blog on Valentine’s Day- “Should We Really Be Celebrating This?” Posted by Manda at 12:37 PM | Comments (4) February 08, 2006
Equality Equals Love...Yesterday, in my women's studies class, we were discussing what signifies that you're in love. I sat there thinking, while listening to others reason, and I came up with one thing: equality. I wasn't the only one in my class who came up with equality as an answer. That was the first thing everyone brought up. I completely believe in the fact that equality, and respect, equals love, but here's the problem with that: everyone has different ideas of equality. For instance, I personally believe that equality in a relationship isn't just about one another having equal say in what happens or what you do or how you feel about something; to me equality also means splitting the chores evenly, both contributing to the household income, sharing closet space, ect. This may not be other people's views though. Obviously, a stay at home mother would probably say that even though she isn't making any money, she is still contributing a large amount to the household, which she is, she definitly definitly is, but it's in a different way than her husband/partner who goes to work. And that's not a bad thing. Just because they contribute differently, doesn't mean they don't contribute equally. Or does it? Think for a second about that. How can two things that are different, be equal? Rice and pizza are not equal because they are different, but rice and rice (the same kind) are equal and not different. In a way, the couple doesn't contribute equally, which again isn't a bad thing. She's not a bad person because she doesn't contribute to the income, and he's not a bad person because he doesn't stay home with his kids. But we have to understand that those two things aren't equal; they just aren't. They're different, but in a good way. So, that brings me to my point. If everyone has different views of equality, including the two people in the relationship, and most people would say that equality and respect signify love, then how can we ever say we're fully in love? It's an interesting concept, it's a really tough concept too. To think that even though you've been with someone 25 years and you know you're in love, that it's possible you aren't in love as much as you think. It's a good thing to think about. And I don't want everyone freaking out leaving me comments "we are equal and we are in love", I mean you absolutly can if you want and I'd love to hear your opinion, but that's not what I'm saying, exactly. I'm just saying that in reality no one is equal; we'll never be truely equal; but every little thing we are equal in is another little piece of a puzzle. When it all comes down to it, love is a puzzle. Each piece makes you a little more equal and each new relationship has a different amount of pieces. Usually, or hopefully, the person you marry/spend the rest of your life with has the most pieces of the puzzle put together. Now you can be upset about this thought of my mine, you can think it's ridiculous and that I don't know anything. That's ok. But even if you don't agree with me, it's important to see that if you don't feel any bit equal in your relationship, no matter how in love you say you are, then maybe you need to reevaluate things. Think about the puzzle. Remember, love isn't words, it's a feeling; it doesn't matter what you say, it's what you feel inside. And I can guarantee that if you don't feel equal inside, you don't feel love inside either. Posted by Manda at 09:01 AM | Comments (3) February 01, 2006
Don't Dread Super Bowl Sunday...Well, it’s that time of the year again—the Super Bowl! The day of the year that most women, and some men, dread for usually one of two reasons: 1) they are all of the sudden widowed for the day or 2) they have a million people, or worse a million men, taking over their house for the day. Either way it makes for possibly the most stressful day of the year next to major holidays. Fortunately, there is a way to get through it with flying colors, no matter what your situation. Now don’t get me wrong, I love football and I love the Super Bowl too, but Super Bowl Sunday in general is not my favorite day. Lucky for me, at the moment I’m 1500 miles from my boyfriend and therefore Super Bowl Sunday doesn’t affect me too much. But for all those women, or men for that matter, out there who are affecting by this day and dread the day like they dread the flu, here are a couple of tips to get you through. 1. Plan something ahead of time to do that day, something just for you— If your partner is going to have a special day, why shouldn’t you? And why should you feel obligated to stick around while they’re home watching the game with their friends or to go to whoever’s house to watch the game with them? Go out and do something special for you. Splurge on yourself. If you love something, but never get to do it because you’re always so busy, take this day to do just that. Or even better, if you’re like me and just can’t find enough hours in the day, take the day to get ahead. This really only works if you’re partner is going somewhere else to celebrate, which will give you some much needed piece and quiet, but if your partner is having people over, maybe go out and run the errands you need to do or if you have work on paper/computer to do, head to the library or park or something. 2. Get a baby sitter for the kids— I’m sure a lot of you just read number one and said yea that’s great that my partner and I are going to have a day for just us, but what do I do with my kids? You don’t want to leave them with your partner, but if you take them you might not get the things you want to do done. So what is the easiest solution? A baby sitter! I believe that every parent needs a break every once in a while, and a baby sitter is just the person to help you with that break. Now you may be thinking, but it’s Super Bowl Sunday, who is going to want to baby sit? Well, while there are millions of people who watch the Super Bowl, it’s important to remember that there are millions of people who don’t watch the Super Bowl. See if maybe they’ll help you out for the day. Especially teenagers. I mean what else do they really have to do on a Sunday? And they are always looking to make extra cash seeing as when you’re a teenager you’re always broke! So give some friends, family, or neighborhood kids you know a call and hopefully they’ll be happy to help you out.
All in all the Super Bowl should be a day of fun, not a day of stress. There is always something for someone, you just have to be creative and remember that just because it’s Super Bowl Sunday doesn’t mean what you do has to be Super Bowl related. I hope everyone has a great Sunday and lots of fun! Go Teams! Posted by Manda at 01:33 PM | Comments (0) January 25, 2006
Time Apart...So I was kind of cramped for ideas this week. It was 5 o’clock and well I was in a panic because I had almost nothing to say. I couldn’t let my readers down, so I did what any girl would do- I turned to my friends. Thanks for this one Heather J Have you ever noticed the true difference between a dating couple and a married couple? It’s not the joint checking account, it’s not the shared bills, and it’s not the piece of paper that legally binds you. It’s the fact that when one of you wants to do something the other isn’t interested in, you still do it. When you’re dating and new in a relationship you obviously want to spend every waking moment together, and that’s great. I mean don’t get me wrong, I would love to spend every single second of every single day with my boyfriend (well maybe not every single second haha just kidding hunny!), but there are some times when I just want to hang out w/ my girlfriends or he just wants to go play poker with his boys. When people think about spending time apart from their partner, they automatically think of bad things, not good things. Like when I was growing up I was always surprised when my father and mother were fine with the fact that maybe she had to go away for work for a few days or she’d be the only one to travel with me for cheerleading for a few days or something like that. Even now, I always think its crazy that when she takes her once a year vacation trip, she doesn’t take my father. Now to a person like me, who is still a ‘dating’ couple, this is insane. The thought of taking a vacation without my boyfriend—well it just wouldn’t happen. But my parents have been happily married for over 20 years now, so they must know something me, and other ‘dating’ couples, don’t know. I guess the reality of it all is that spending time apart from each other can make your relationship better and stronger. And I guess deep down I know that. I mean I spend six weeks at a time from my boyfriend and if there is anything I’ve learned it’s that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. You are your own person and just because people all the sudden refer to you as Tom and Sarah or Heather and Ben or Elex and Amanda doesn’t mean that you have to lose your individuality. This is particularly important when you move in together. Unlike when you were living apart and not coming home to each other, when you’re living together it doesn’t matter if you’re at work all day and then you go out for dinner and drinks with your friends till midnight, you’ll still see and talk to that person sometime during the day. You don’t have to panic worrying if you’ll go a day without seeing each other; it’s impossible. I understand that there are some people who go out all the time, every night, and never with their partner. I don’t particularly suggest doing that because while absence does make the heart grow fonder, there is such a thing as too much absence. So if you are living apart, the best advice I can give you is to find that middle spot where everyone is happy and no one feels neglected. Always communicate to each other about your plans. It’s not about asking if you can go, it’s about being courtesy and letting the other person know you won’t be available that day/night. Another great but often really hard idea is to try and coordinate when you go out. If you know that he plays poker or goes to have beers or something with his guy friends every other Saturday, then try and make the plans with your girlfriends the same night. Also, never feel guilty about going out with your friends. They’re your friends. They were part of your life before he or she got there and, if it doesn’t work out between you two, they’ll be part of your life when he or she is gone. Finally, if they can’t deal with that and just don’t want to let you out of their sight, I suggest you move on before other problems arise, which they will, from experience I can promise that.
Posted by Manda at 06:24 PM | Comments (1) January 18, 2006
The Reproduction Lady...Anybody see The Bachelor Monday night, the first hour? I know I’m a little behind the times seeing as it was just a recap of last week, but I had heard all about this ‘reproduction woman’ and needed to witness the antics myself. All I have to say is OH MY GOD! Are you kidding me? If you missed it, let me recap. It’s the first night in the castle, the first night the women are meeting Dr. Travis (yes ladies, Dr haha), and the women only have a few hours to make a good impression on him so that he’ll keep her in the game. Now a few hours divided by twenty-five women is really not that long so you definitely want to make the most of your time. Most women talk about their interests, their job, their education, their family, you know normal things, but no, not this woman. This woman, Allie G., also a doctor (she could’ve built on that, but no), decides to sit down for her first meeting with Travis and tell him how she’s ready to “reproduce” and if his goals are that, she’s the one to keep. No lie people, I couldn’t make this up! So of course, at the end, he does not give her a rose. Well that just wasn’t good enough for Miss Allie G. She, while talking to another one of the girls, said that the only reason to marry was to reproduce and I think at one time said he needed to grow up if that’s not what he wanted since he’s thirty-three and according to her should want that right now. And then to make matters worse, she decides to go up to Dr. Travis and basically tell him off asking him “Are my boobs to small? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough? What is the deal?” The deal is your crazy lady! haha He handled it very well and very nicely, and calmly, said that she had talked about reproducing and that wasn’t something he was ready for and that was it. So here’s the deal: the reason this caught my attention so much, other than that she’s a little off, is because people need to understand that there are appropriate and inappropriate things to talk about on a first date. I’ve seen a lot of reality dating shows where the camera follows around women and men in New York and Miami and so on, and I’ve noticed that sometimes people just don’t know what not to say on a date, and for the most part it’s way more important that you know what not to say than knowing what to say. First off, going with the theme of this blog, it is never ever EVER ok to talk about reproduction on the first date, not even if your date brings it up. And when I say reproduction I absolutely mean talking about any subject that has to do with having kids. I think it’s scares people, and honestly I don’t see any reason why that can’t wait until at least a third date. I can promise you, promise promise promise you, that that isn’t what’s going to keep you together or break you apart. You won’t continue to date just because you’re both ready for kids and you probably won’t necessarily immediately part ways if one of you is not interested in having kids at all (seeing as a lot of people change their minds) or not interested in having kids right now. I understand that that was important to Allie G. and all, and I understand that she didn’t have a lot of time to talk to Dr. Travis, but I just feel like there were a million other things she could talk to him about that are important and are not reproducing. Other things not to talk about on a first date, anything political, unless there is a really good reason, which in my opinion there really never is. If you are dead set against ever dating a republican and you desperately need to know this person’s political party, then ask, I guess. But don’t freak out and leave if you hear he or she is in fact a republican. Never talk about anything really controversial, like abortion, gay rights, feminism, ect. Look, just remember that a first date is supposed to be fun and relaxed and comfortable and a chance for you to find out about each other and find common interests to build off of. If you do remember that, you should be fine. Good luck! Posted by Manda at 08:09 AM | Comments (0) January 03, 2006
Motivation Via Your Cell Phone...Ok first and foremost I want to apologize for my long absence. With finally being home from school for break and with Christmas and all, my mind has been else where. But I'm back now and ready to go! So recently I got a new cell phone and with that new cell phone was the need of new ringers. While searching through the many ringers there are I came across ringers that I think any recent breakupy or breakuper need to have! Even if you haven't actually read the books, I'm sure you have heard of Greg Behrendt. He is a hilarious comedian and the author of 2 books, "He's Just Not That Into You" and "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken". I highly recommend both of the books, especially if you are having any sort of man trouble (and oh yea, there is something for you men out there in the 2nd book), but I particularly recommend these ringtones from Sprint PCS. They're perfect to keep you away from you-know-who and let me tell you they're more motivating than you'll ever be for yourself. I mean if everytime "he" called I heard "Seriously, why have you not deleted this number? Come on now! Let's live in the future, hot stuff. Delete the number..." (www.sprintpcs.com), eventually I think I'd really start believing I'm hot stuff and I'd delete the number. I think it's kind of like that idea that if you hear enough times someone say they have a stomachache, eventually you start to think you have a stomachache too. So seriously, if you're having a hard time getting away from that man you're so horribly attached too, why not make a new year's resolution for yourself to get one of these ringtones! Just check out www.sprintpcs.com. And if you can't get them there, check around the internet, I'm sure they're out there. Happy New Year Everyone! Posted by Manda at 05:31 PM | Comments (0) December 20, 2005
Gift Giving...Since there are only five days left in the holiday shopping season I thought I’d lend some words of wisdom about couple gift giving. Although I’m sure most of you have already bought your special someone their Christmas gift, when you’re in a newer relationship you tend to procrastinate a little more. Not because you don’t care or you’re just busy, but usually because you’re just not sure of the “perfect” gift for your situation. Whether you realize it or not, what you give your partner really says a lot about your feelings for them and the relationship you have. When you’re in a new relationship it can be especially hard. You don’t want it to say too much or too little and you don’t want it to send off signals you aren’t prepared for. So with this thinking I’ve created a little guide to help newer couples with their holiday shopping. Dating A Few Weeks—If you’ve only been dating a few weeks something small will be just perfect. You’re not that serious so the gift doesn’t need to be that serious. It can even be, dare I say it, something practical. Think about things they use in everyday life, like a smaller bottle of their favorite perfume/cologne. Another great idea is a CD they love or maybe a movie you saw together. You don’t want to get too sentimental, but you want to show that you put thought in to the gift and didn’t just pick up the first thing you saw. Dating A Few Months—When you’ve been dating more than say two months you’ve definitely started to form some sentimental memories, so use those as your gift stepping stone. This is also a really great time for homemade gifts: photo collages, mix-CDs (as corny as they may be haha), things like that. You’re also still in that “one gift only” stage, so don’t break the rule. If you do want to get your partner more than one thing, talk to them about it first. Set a gift limit and possibly a spending limit so that no one feels uncomfortable when you switch. Dating At Least Nine Months—Relationships move fast nowadays and so in my eyes, nine months is a pretty serious relationship. You figure, chances are you’ve spent at least three minor holidays together, one of your birthdays, and probably met friends of the other partner and possibly some family. And if you’re at the right age, you may have actually discussed marriage already. This always seems to be the hardest to buy for though. Sentimental things are great, but should not be the bulk of your gift. I always like to give one sentimental thing to show that I really put thought in to his gifts. Last year for example, I made a video on the computer of pictures of us that went to two songs that made me think of him. It’s something they can keep forever and like I said, it shows you really really care. And something sentimental can be bought too. My boyfriend has started making me a collection of every DVD we’ve ever seen together so that we’ll always be able to watch them and think back to that time. Every “present-giving-day” he gives me another and I immediately think of that day, which always makes me smile. Sentimental gifts can’t be everything at this stage of a relationship though. You need to have some store bought things. Depending on the type of person they are, this can either be really easy or really hard. No matter what though it’s important to first set some ground rules. Either set a spending limit or a number of gift limit. You don’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable Christmas day. When it comes to actually buying the gifts, ask them if there is something maybe they need or they’d like. It may be obvious, but hey it works. Also look around their house to see what kind of stuff they like. Ask their friends. Think of things they’ve mentioned in the last few months. And just think about them as a person. What do they like, what do they have a passion for, what’s important to them. This should not be stressful. It should actually be fun. In the end, I’m sure whatever you give your partner they’ll love. There are a few things to think about though. Stay away from gifts like socks, gift cards (they’re really impersonal), and fruit baskets. And whatever you do, do not go overboard. Spending an extreme amount of money on someone only makes them feel less and upset, not special and like you love them. Also make sure you gear your gift toward the seriousness of your relationship. If you’re really serious even though you’ve only been together three months, a nose hair trimmer might not be the best gift to get him. All in all, shopping should be fun and icing on the cake to the holiday season. Hope everyone has a great shopping experience and gets/gives great gifts. Happy Holidays! Posted by Manda at 10:41 AM | Comments (2) December 16, 2005
Meeting The Family... (Christmas Edition)Now this blog may look familiar but that’s because, well, it is. I decided to revamp my Thanksgiving version of “Meeting The Family” for Christmas time, since this is the 2nd chance for people to be meeting their partner’s family. If you read the Thanksgiving one and your first meeting still didn’t go as well as hoped, read this one over and you might get some ideas of how to work on what you did wrong. You never know, but it’s always worth a shot. Well it’s finally Christmas (almost) and you know what that means? It’s probably time to introduce you’re special someone to your family. If they have already met your family, that’s awesome and I hope it went well, but if they haven’t this is the 2nd of 2 (possibly 3 if you count New Year’s Eve) holiday chances to introduce everyone in one sweep. While this can be very stressful it shouldn’t kill you, and it should honestly be kind of a relief, unless it doesn’t go well of course. But to help it go along smoothly here are a few tips for you and a few tips for your partner. If It’s Your Family: If You’re Meeting His/Her Family: I really hope all the tips and tricks will help make your first meeting run smoothly. And I hope everyone has a great and safe Christmas Eve/Day!!! Posted by Manda at 05:28 PM | Comments (0) December 13, 2005
The Worry Of Wandering Eyes...We all, at one time or another, worry that our special someone will wander away with someone else leaving us lonely and heartbroken. It’s common and normal. It usually comes when we become very serious about the person and it lasts until who knows how long. Sometimes a month, sometimes a year, sometimes forever. I know about this because I have fallen victim to it many a times. And maybe I personally worry so much because the first couple of times the worries set in I unfortunately actually was left lonely and heartbroken. The first left me for his actual girlfriend (I know, I know, as the “other woman” I should have expected it) and the second left me for someone who was actually a better fit for him, although I was still bitter and upset for quite sometime because well, I was still alone. Now, with my current partner, I do worry. I mean how can I not. Everyone always loves him and has that type of personality that sometimes I fear people will confuse for flirting. But it’s not like this is about jealousy. Jealousy is a totally different subject. Jealousy is not letting someone do something or see someone. This is just being worried that in everyday life your partner may find someone better suited for them than yourself. I think it’s ok to worry though. I mean it’s human nature. But we can’t let that overshadow our happiness. We can’t let it consume our lives. I just want everyone out there to understand that not every relationships ends up in heartbreak. And that’s hard to understand since all we see is people divorcing and breaking up. It’s all over the television, magazines, in our own homes. I mean it seems like people just don’t feel the same way about love as they did in say the 50s. Or maybe they just don’t act like they feel the same way, who knows. But, and call me a hopeless romantic if you must, I do believe that there is love and happiness for everyone. You just can’t let minor things like the fact that your partner makes a comment about the girl/guy on television, in a magazine, ECT steer you from reality. And maybe if you can’t help but do that, maybe it’s not about your partner, maybe you have some underlying issue(s) that you can’t get past. Please don’t get all defensive, I mean it is possible. And if this is the case, then you need to be working out your own issues way before you start getting seriously involved with other people’s issues. So while it is ok to worry a little, it is not ok to worry a lot. Give your partner a little slack (unless they’ve done something to not deserve the slack and in that case they probably shouldn’t still be around anyways) and give yourself a little less stress. Not everyone is untrustworthy. Not everyone is a cheater. Not everyone will do you wrong. Posted by Manda at 05:48 PM | Comments (0) December 10, 2005
Apology...To all my readers I just wanted to send out a short apology for my absence lately. I have been extremely busy this past week with work, preparing/taking finals, and getting ready to come back home for a month so have not been able to write any new blogs. I am so sorry for this and promise to have a new blog for Monday. Thank you again for your patience. Posted by Manda at 12:18 AM | Comments (1) November 30, 2005
Sex Is Something...You know I love all these people who when they talk about relationships say “well sex isn’t everything”. It’s not that I don’t agree with them, it’s that I don’t think they realize that while sex may not be everything, it is something. Last night a friend of mine came to me with a problem that her and her boyfriend are having. She just recently moved in to his apartment and while living together has been a breeze, the increased chance for sex that comes with living together has been causing some big problems. Apparently his sex drive is quite larger than hers and although she loves him and is very attracted to him, she just cannot get herself excited or in to sex. Of course the first thing I asked her was if this was a new problem or something she had experienced before. She told me she had felt this way before and that she just doesn’t like sex. I’m sure that this is a problem for a lot of couples, and that a lot of people don’t know what to do about it. Instead of finding a way to solve the problem, most just continue to have sex to satisfy their partner’s needs. This is absolutely the wrong thing to do. For one thing, your partner will eventually sense your unhappiness, which will make them unhappy, which will cause huge problems much bigger than just not having compatible sex drives. And for a second thing, in most cases you need to look at this problem in a long-term sense. How will you feel, physically and mentally, in thirty years if you continue to have sex just to satisfy your partner? Could you live like that? Could you deal with that unhappiness? If you and your partner are having this problem the first thing to do is to sit down and have a serious talk. No distractions. And when I say talk, I don’t mean fight. This should be a non-aggressive conversation where you both get to speak your sides without interruption from the other partner. And make sure that you’re completely honest. If you hide anything, whether you fear it will end your relationship or you’re embarrassed, it will only cause more problems. In this talk you should talk about why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling and repeat back to your partner their feelings. It is important that you both understand not only your own side but also each other’s because until you full understand your partner and yourself, nothing will be solved. Now don’t expect to have one conversation and the problem to be over. That’s not the way things happen. You’re going to have to work at it. It may take many conversations over a long period of time, but until you’ve tried everything, there is no reason to throw in the towel on your relationship (unless of course this isn’t your only problem as a couple). The next step in solving this problem is to openly discuss ways to help the problem. Maybe there is a reason you don’t feel sexually comfortable with your partner. Maybe you’re too stressed but can’t figure out how to fully relax. Maybe you need to bring things in to your relationship to spice it up. The possibilities are endless, but it is important to try many different things. If when all is said and done, if you still can’t come to a compromise or find a solution, then maybe it’s time to a) move on with your lives, separately or b) see a specialist. Going to a counselor can do a world of good for any couple with any subject. It isn’t embarrassing and there is nothing wrong with it, so don’t be afraid to dial a number if you really need help. Posted by Manda at 02:46 PM | Comments (0) November 23, 2005
Meeting The Family... (Thanksgiving Edition)Well it’s finally Thanksgiving (almost) and you know what that means? It’s probably time to introduce you’re special someone to your family. If they have already met your family, that’s awesome and I hope it went well, but if they haven’t this is the 1st of 2 (possibly 3 if you count New Year’s Eve) holiday chances to introduce everyone in one sweep. While this can be very stressful, it shouldn’t kill you, and it should honestly be kind of a relief, unless it doesn’t go well of course. But to help it go along smoothly here are a few tips for you and a few tips for your partner. If It’s Your Family: If You’re Meeting His/Her Family: I really hope all the tips and tricks will help make your first meeting run smoothly. And I hope everyone has a great and safe Thanksgiving. Happy Turkey Day!!! Posted by Manda at 06:32 PM | Comments (0) November 19, 2005
Age Shouldn't Matter...Let’s say that one day in the grocery store or at work or something you meet someone new. Not someone new to date, just a new friend. Eventually after weeks of spending lunches together and calling each other anytime something good or bad happens, you decide to invite them and their partner over for dinner at you and your partners’ place. Now you don’t know anything about your new friend’s partner but assume they must be great because well your new friend is great. So the night arrives and the doorbell rings. You open the door and to your surprise your friend’s partner looks a little younger than you expected. Actually, they look a lot younger. So what do you do? What do you think? And most important, what do you say? Posted by Manda at 12:42 PM | Comments (1) November 16, 2005
The Christmas CardWith Thanksgiving approaching us it’s time that everyone start thinking about one of the first couple traditions of the holiday season: the Christmas card. Last year was my first time doing a Christmas card and well I did it all wrong. The only thing my boyfriend and I did right with our cards was addressing them correctly. Although the picture was great and the letter paper was pretty, the letter itself was a complete disaster that I’m desperately trying to avoid this year. So since I hate to see people embarrass themselves in front of their partner’s loved ones (especially if you’ve never met them like me), I thought I’d shell out some tips I’ve learned since last year. 1. Length Is Everything—You know how people say that timing is everything, well when it comes to your Christmas letter length is everything. Last year our letter was no lie two pages. I mean can you believe I thought people would actually sit down and read two pages about other people, who aren’t famous, didn’t have a baby, didn’t get married, and did not make a major life changing purchase’s, lives? I really recommend keeping it under a page unless you’ve had something major happen to the two of you, or one of you, that year. Also, think of it as an interview or audition. What you say in the first few sentences will either keep people reading or make people skim and put it down. Anything important belongs at the top. 2. Write Like You Talk—I am a journalism major and last year our letter, written out by me, sounded exactly like that. I’m 19 and I started our letter with “This year I find myself feeling more blessed than ever.” What the hell is that? You’re not writing to the president or Queen Mother, so you shouldn’t be talking like it. Keep your words simple, easy to read, and just as you would say it if you were having a conversation with someone. It’ll make it easier on you and your readers. 3. You Should Both Contribute—With as busy as people are these days, it’s hard for a couple to sit down together for longer than five minutes, never mind be expected to write a letter, but it really is important for you both to contribute. It’s your letter together, not one of yours alone. So the first thing you should do if you can’t write it together is designate someone to write it. Whoever has the most time, feels the most comfortable, whatever, just pick someone. Then, and you don’t have to do this part together, you should each make a list of a few things you want (individual things) to be put in the letter about you. Finally, before writing the letter, when you’re watching TV or in bed or something make a list of a few things that happened to you both together. Things about the two of you together should out way by two or three the number of things you individually put in. Also, if you have kids, ask them if there is something they’d like to put in. It’s a nice way to include them and people will love it. Deciding to do a Christmas card/letter whether it seems like it or not is a big step in a relationship. It’s not for everyone and you shouldn’t do it unless you feel ready. You also shouldn’t do it unless you want to. Just because you’re a couple, even married, doesn’t mean you need a Christmas card/letter. A good way to decide if you are ready for this step is that if you aren’t committed enough to say I love you and mean it, you aren’t committed enough to send a Christmas card/letter. Think about it, you’re basically telling everyone who means anything to you that you are off the market and introducing them to why that is. All in all, a Christmas card/letter is a fun thing and a great way to share with people how you are and what you’re up to. I hope all your pictures are beautiful and that your letters are loved. Good luck! Posted by Manda at 09:21 PM | Comments (0) November 10, 2005
Waiting For A Call...It’s Saturday night, you’re at a bar, and you meet a great someone new. You talk, you laugh, you drink, and before you know it it’s 2 am and time to leave. So what’s the obvious step to end the evening? Switching digits of course! But what happens if on Monday they still haven’t called? And on Tuesday they still haven’t called? And on Wednesday, well you get the point. Whenever this has happened to me or someone I know, I know the first thing we do is wonder why. I mean we’re cute, we’re fun, we’re great people, yet our phone is unbearably silent. Well instead of running through our insecurities for a week I think we should get over our denial and realize the truth. They just weren’t that in to us. And ya know you talked to the person for like 3 hours so why is that so hard to deal with. You don’t really know them and they don’t really know you. Most of the time it was such a short conversation there’s no reason to take it personally. This saying works even better when someone you’re actually dating isn’t calling. I recently heard this story from someone and was shocked that this person was still waiting around for their partner to call. What the hell are you waiting for, it’s been 2 weeks?! Here’s something to remember people: 1 day- still a couple, 2 days- still a couple, 5 days- eyes wandering not so bad, 10 days- new phone numbers not so bad, 15 days or more- officially not a couple anymore! I finally picked up my copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and there is a chapter in there about when he’s not calling. It simply says there is no excuse to not call you. And if you think about it, you’ll realize that. And not just realize it enough to say it, but it will really really click with you. Think about it on the other foot. You like this person a lot right? Calling them is the bright spot in your bad day right? So there is nothing that would keep you from spending even just 5 minutes on the phone with them right? So why should it be any different for them? There is no excuse to not call someone you really like and care about. So seriously people, don’t freak out if after a week that person you met at the bar still hasn’t called. Realize they weren’t that in to you, that that’s truly ok, and move on. And if you’re in a relationship where there are long spurts between you’re calls, I would really consider moving on from that too. You’re better than that and you shouldn’t have to put up with that. Just move on! Posted by Manda at 09:09 PM | Comments (0) November 08, 2005
Parents Listen Up...PARENTS PLEASE READ THIS! I don’t know how many more ways to say it. I know that I’m not the usual parent talk writer, and I would never want to invade the space of the ‘Mommy Dearest’ writer, but I have a secret having to do with your children that I think you should know. I know that you have better things to do than watch MTV on a Monday night, but I also know that you want more than life itself to understand your teenagers and for your teenagers to talk to you. So if you’re at your wits end and you just don’t know what to do anymore, if your teenager just won’t talk to you and it scares you because you feel you really don’t know what’s going on in their minds, then here’s a secret you should take to heart. It may seem stupid, but remember it wasn’t that long ago that I was in high school and things haven’t changed that much. Watch Laguna Beach. It’s that simple. I don’t care if you think they’re just some spoiled rich kids or if you think MTV is ridiculous or ‘the devil’, the kids on Laguna Beach are no different than the kids living in your house. I grew up in a town much different than Laguna Beach California and I attended a school much smaller, but I can honestly say that my high school years weren’t much different. Take the situation going on between Jessica and Jason. Jessica and Jason dated for quite sometime and when they finally did break up, he was a jerk and she was heart broken. He treated her like crap and yet couldn’t stay away from her. And to make matters worse, she couldn’t stay away from him either. With that came heartbreak for two more, ruined friendships, and nasty words were spouted. I know you’re reading this going well I had that problem in high school too, but if you’re a parent, in fact if you’re over the age of 25, you didn’t go threw it like this. High school is so much different nowadays, all grades are. There’s more pressure than ever to have sex and do drugs and because of that friendships are less tight than ever, especially between girls. Backstabbing is a constant thing. Going back to the example of Jason and Jessica, although Jessica and L.C., Jason’s new girlfriend, were not best friends (they were solid aquantinces) Jessica still felt it ok to flirt with, dance on the lap of, and even make out with Jason, in front of L.C. That’s happening to your daughters and even your sons. I know because not only did it happen to me, but, and I don’t like to admit it, I’ve done what Jessica did. This is just one example of what is going on with your kids. I know you want them to talk to you, and to be honest if they thought about it more clearly, they’d want to talk to you too. You have to realize though that things are very very very different for kids now and that you saying to them “talk to me, I know what you’re going through because I was a teenager once too” is not going to work. They’re going to brush it off because they know that whether you were a teenager or not once you don’t understand what they’re going through 90% of the time. I was always really open with my parents but my friends weren’t for 2 solid reasons: 1) they thought their parents wouldn’t understand and 2) they thought they’d get in trouble. So here’s the deal, you’re not going to understand everything your teenager is going through just because you watched an episode, or even a season, of Laguna Beach, and not everything that happens on Laguna Beach happens in every teenager’s life, but I urge you to watch it sometime. You’ll learn a lot and maybe if your kids see you watching it, making the effort to get in to their world, they’ll open up more. Hey, it’s worth a try isn’t it?
Posted by Manda at 08:29 PM | Comments (3) November 01, 2005
Cuddle With Me Honey...Now let’s be honest, this is a statement that frustrates both sexes. I mean for the most part men want to hear it less and women want to hear it more. Today on Oprah there was a panel of men (including Jay Leno and Brian McKnight) talking about all the things women want to know about men, and the part that I happened to catch was about cuddling. In listening to the men and Oprah and the woman asking the question talk about the subject it occurred to me that not a lot of women seem to get why men don’t want to cuddle. To be honest, I don’t think I really got it either. None of my boyfriends ever really wanted to cuddle and instead of asking them why they didn’t want to, I just accepted and moved on. Women seem to immediately think that he’s just not interested in her, that he doesn’t like being nuzzled body to body, or that he’s just a plain jerk. Ladies, as I learned today, that just isn’t true. The truth of the matter is that while to women cuddling is a showing of affection, and a great way to keep warm in the winter, to men it’s the male brain telling the rest of the male body “gentlemen start your engines”. Women never seem to think about the fact that their husbands or boyfriends are so attracted to them, physically and mentally, that anytime they touch them their body starts going. A simple hug or just laying on a man’s chest can cause some sort of arousal inside them. And just because they’re older and can control their ‘risings’ more doesn’t mean that they don’t get aroused just as easy as when they were twelve. So seriously ladies, next time your man doesn’t want to cuddle after sex don’t take it personally. Take it as a compliment. Think you look so sexy that for your man the mere thought of touching you again brings him over the top, again. And if you’re still worried about why he won’t snuggle up with you in bed or on the couch, consider asking him. Don’t be afraid, it’s just a question. Maybe he really doesn’t like it, or maybe it’s just too damn hot in the room. I mean c’mon, you are that sexy! Posted by Manda at 08:04 PM | Comments (0) October 29, 2005
Halloween- Couple's Style...Since Halloween is just around the corner I thought I’d pay tribute to all the couple’s out there who use this time to brag about their coupledum. You see Halloween isn’t just a time to eat lots of candy without guilty, scare little children, and pretend to be someone else for a night, it’s also the one time of the year when you and your special someone can excessively brag to everyone that you’re together and you’re a couple without it being a big deal. But what you have to understand is that there is a right way to do this, a way that will make people go “Oh my gosh you guys look great”, and a not so right aka stupid way to do this, a way that will make people either pissed off or laughing behind your back. Let’s first go over the wrong way to do Halloween as a couple since to me it’s the most important. I mean you don’t even really need to know the right way as long as you know the wrong way and how to avoid it. I think one of the worst costumes is that couple that tries to be like a dinner plate or a fruit salad or something. I mean honestly what were you thinking when you and your someone picked out two pieces of fruit to walk around in in public. And to be honest, just because you’re a hot dog and a ketchup bottle, or worse a ketchup and mustard bottle, doesn’t say you’re a couple. It says you like to embarrass yourselves, together. Another thing to avoid when picking out couple’s costumes is that you don’t want to make one of you look great (or at least ok) and the other look stupid. You’re a couple. You either look stupid together, or not at all. I do not for the life of me get why people go in things like Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf or Little Bo Peep and her lost sheep. You want a sheep to take around Halloween night, buy a stuffed one. With the negative out of the way let’s move on to the positive side of Halloween couple costumes. In truth, I love the idea of dressing like a couple. It’s fun, it’s cute, and for the most part people get such a kick out of it, as long as you do it the right way. A perfect couple costume- a celebrity couple. A lot of times these are also the easiest costumes because you probably have a lot of the stuff in your own closet. Celebrity couples are also a great way to control how you want to come off to people. If you just want to go fun go with something like Sonny and Cher. If you want to go super sexy go with someone like Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee (absolutely one of my favorites even if they’re not together anymore). And the ultimate celebrity costume right now in my opinion would be Mr. and Mrs. Britney Spears, pre-pregnancy that is. Another great couple costume idea is going as characters. Now this includes characters from a movie, a book, a fairy tale is really popular. Disney couples are always a great idea because people can tell who you are. Cinderella and the Prince is definitely my favorite. When trying to take characters from a book or a movie it cant be a little more difficult unless you pick something very very distinct. It might take more work and some explaining at the party, but it’s still a really great and creative idea. Finally some random costumes that are always fun favorites: cheerleader and the football player, pimp and ho, naughty school girl and the teacher, and if you’re anxious for Christmas like me try Mr. and Mrs. Claus (sexy or not, you choose). Halloween is no doubt a great time to show you’re together so take advantage of it. If you’re going to a big party, start planning early. Listen to eachother’s ideas and compromise on something. Don’t ever force anyone in to anything they don’t like. And remember, have fun with it. It’s the one night you can be anything or anyone you want to be without people freaking out. Happy Halloween Everyone! Posted by Manda at 01:34 PM | Comments (0) October 26, 2005
Childize Your Relationship...Remember how simple relationships were when you were little? You could just walk up to a boy or girl you like, say “you’re my boy/girl friend”, and walk away with a new relationship. You never had to worry about how much you would see each other, what you would get each other on holidays or your “anniversary”, and if you wanted to see someone else it was never a long drawn out process of goodbye. You simply went to them, said “I’m not your boy/girl friend anymore”, and moved on to the cute new kid in your class. If only relationships were that simple now that we’re older. And you’d think that as we get older, and gain more experience, they would be. Isn’t that the way it’s logically supposed to go? But no, instead it only gets harder. When we want to go on a date with someone we have to spend days, possibly weeks, sending them signals only to be turned down. No matter what we always seem to look desperate or too aggressive when asking someone out. And when it comes to breaking up, nothing is more agonizing. All the “it’s not you, it’s me” and “don’t worry, we can still be friends” bullshit that people throw around. It’s ridiculous. And to be honest, I’m tired of it. I mean just because relationships are more work when we get older doesn’t mean they have to lose their childish simplicity. I see the difficulties my friends have when they’re dating, all the games that are played. When you were seven you never would’ve played games, so why do it now? So here’s the deal, all you daters out there, I want you to vow today, right now, that you will childize (yea that’s my word of the day haha) your dating habits. Don’t use stupid lines to impress someone, just go up to him or her say hello and introduce yourself. Don’t secretly date five people at once and spend your whole life covering your tracks. Don’t play head games with the person you’re dating, be completely upfront with them. Even if the truth sucks, it’s usually the better choice. Oh yea and don’t forget that the most simple gifts can also be people’s favorites. Homemade cards, a candlelight dinner, and dare I say it a mix tape (only get with the generation people and make it on iTunes haha). I know that we can’t go back in life and that it’ll never be as simple or as sweet as the day Bobby or Sarah made you that mud pie with a half dead daisy sticking out of it just to show that they cared, but maybe if we think simpler and expect less of our relationships, they won’t be so hard or complicated. Who knows? I guess one can only wish. Posted by Manda at 03:25 PM | Comments (0) October 22, 2005
The Place To Meet...Recently I received a note from a woman saying she was new to the dating game and wasn’t exactly sure where to go to meet people. Now I know this happens a lot, especially if you were married or in a committed relationship for a long period of time, so I decided to compile a short list of my favorite places to meet people. 1. The Gym—The gym is a great place to meet people. There are so many different kinds of people and starting a conversation with someone isn’t too hard, especially for women. The best way for a woman to start a conversation with a man she’s interested in is to ask for some help with a machine or if he’ll spot her. Don’t act stupid, just unsure. For men I suggest just offering to help a woman who may look confused, or be simple and while “waiting” for a machine or weights a woman you’re interested in is using strike up a conversation. A few other reasons the gym is a great place to meet people are the facts that if you get shot down there are so many more people around and at least you know you’ll have one thing in common, a love of getting in/being in shape and keeping health. Build from there! 2. The Grocery Store—It may sound crazy, but the grocery store is a great place to meet people for the simple reason that a grocery cart’s an open book. I mean think about, what you buy at the grocery store says a lot about yourself. For example, if a guy were trying to pick me up at the grocery store he would be able to tell about me through my cart that 1) I’m in to keeping healthy (my light/low fat everything! lol) and 2) I live alone (a lot of tv dinners—only because I have no oven though or I’d cook and it wouldn’t be so obvious, but that’s beside the point lol). So when trying to meet someone in the grocery store make sure to scope out their cart before making a move. If you’re a health freak, you don’t want to pick someone up who’s stuffing chips and soda in their cart, and if you can’t stand a high maintence person, you might not want to hit on the person with lots of beauty/skin care/personal products. And when you actually go to talk to the person, here’s a great idea: go to the aisle they’re in, pick up something near what they’re picking up, and ask them a simple question like “Is this ______ any good?” or “Do you know anything good to make with this?” After their answer thank them and immediately introduced yourself. Build from there! 3. Clubs/Groups/Classes—I’m sure this isn’t the first place you’d think to go and meet someone, but it really is one of the best. Having common interests is obviously a huge part of a real relationship. When you join a club or group or decide to take a class you’re putting yourself in an atmosphere filled with people who share something in common with you. An example that I always think of is cooking. If you really love cooking and really want to meet people take a cooking class. You’ll meet many different people and already have something huge to talk about. The best part about this meeting place is that not only do you get to meet a wide variety of people, but you get to do and improve on something you love. It’s a win-win situation. Now I couldn’t talk about my most favorite places without at least quickly mentioning my least favorite places to meet people. I’ve really only got two: bars and/or dance clubs. These are great places to hook up, but not to meet someone to have a relationship with. People in these places are looking to have a good time and relax, they don’t want to be bothered with the thought of commitment. There’s nothing wrong with this of course, I just don’t want to lead you in to a dead end. And I don’t think it’s impossible to meet “the one” in a bar or dance club, I’m just saying it’s not the first place to go. Most important when trying to meet new people, no matter where you are, is to try to find a link between you and the other person. Look at what they’re buying, drinking, doing, or even wearing. Be observant and be confident. Oh yea and relax! Don’t get discouraged if you get shot down, there are a million more fish in the sea and one of them will be right for you. Posted by Manda at 03:00 PM | Comments (0) October 19, 2005
Being Afraid of the "F" Word...So my boyfriend told me a story yesterday about one of his friends that I found kind of funny. Apparently one of his friends recently got engaged, but is deathly fearful of the word “fiancé”. Anytime anyone around him uses the six letter word, he sweats and even shakes a little, never mind if he himself has to use the word. Well after my boyfriend told me this story the first question I had of course was “Well, why is he like this?” I mean has he had some horrific experience, is he not really ready to get married but this was the next logical step, what is it? My boyfriend’s reply “Cause guys are just like that.” Excuse me? Guys are what? Yea I kind of backed him a corner but come on, how can you get engaged yet be afraid of the word fiancé. IT’S A WORD! I know that it has a big meaning behind it, but it’s really ok. And I know this isn’t just a guy problem. I know there are plenty of women out there who are deathly afraid of the word fiancé, and probably the word husband too. I understand that marriage is a scary thing. There is so much that goes in to. And the statistics of marriage don’t help either. To think that one of every three marriages end in divorce (even though I think that statistics is a little tweaked, but whatever) scares the shit out of me! But here’s the thing, if you are that afraid of the word fiancé, maybe you shouldn’t be using it, as in maybe you shouldn’t be engaged. Some of the reason why the divorce rate is so high nowadays is because people get married just because it’s the next logical step. So my advice for the day is simple, probably obvious: if you can’t use the word fiancé, don’t get engaged! You aren’t doing anyone any good, and you shouldn’t be doing things you’re deathly afraid of anyways. The fear of marriage isn’t like the fear of heights where you just get over it, get on the roller coaster, and hope for the best. It’s way more important than that. And if I ever do find out why this guy is so panicked about the word, I’ll hopefully be able to pass the info on. Posted by Manda at 04:40 PM | Comments (0) October 14, 2005
Nothing In Common Anymore...So I was watching TV the other night and well I heard a couple, a couple who’s been married more than ten years, say that they just don’t have anything in common anymore. Anymore? What does that mean? How is it possible that you just don’t have anything in common with your spouse anymore? I’ve heard people say this before, but I just never understood it. Now I understand that people change, and I also understand that people get married too quick, but I do not understand not having anything in common anymore. It seems to me that when people get divorced it isn’t because they don’t have anything in common anymore it’s because they argue all the time or they can’t agree on anything or one of them cheats. But then again do all those things happen because you don’t have anything in common anymore? I’m not comparing marriage to dating, but in other relationships I’ve had it wasn’t that we broke up because we didn’t have anything in common anymore, it was because we didn’t have anything in common ever! I’m not even sure how we got together, but at least I know I never would have married him. And to top it off, the people that I’ve seen (not saying this is everyone) aren’t even trying to do anything about it. They’re just going on with their daily lives like nothing is wrong even though they will sit there and tell the producer that things between them aren’t so great. Ya know there is such a thing called marriage counseling people. And if you get there and after weeks, or even months, of talking things out and hearing the perspective of a licensed third person doesn’t help, well then at least you’ll have realized that it probably isn’t because you don’t have anything in common anymore, it’s either because you never did or because there are underlying issues that one of you wasn’t putting on the table. And another idea to put out there, maybe if you took some time for just the two of you (now I understand with kids this may be hard but maybe they’ll go away to summer camp or a relatives for a week on vacation too) you could reconnect. Hey it’s worth a shot isn’t it? But seriously, could someone please shed some light on this for me? Do people really change that much? Cause honestly the thought that my boyfriend might change so much 10 years in to our marriage that we need a divorce really scares the shit out of me! Posted by Manda at 07:17 PM | Comments (1) October 11, 2005
What The Hell Will One Night Do...Warning: I’m sorry but because of the subject matter, this entry is probably going to come off a tad over bitchy. But it’s late and well this subject really pissed me off. And it’s my blog. Ha! So please bear with me and read on anyways. Now not that breaking up for one day so you can date someone else (for any reason) doesn’t piss me off or anything, I mean come on this can never ever EVER be a good idea, that really isn’t my issue with this one day free pass thing. My issue is what the hell do you expect to change in one day with one person? The main reason the couple on the show seemed to have for doing this was 1) one of them likes to stay home and be a couple and occasionally go out and the other wants to go out all the time and 2) he wants to make sure that this is it and that this is right for him forever. I understand these reasons, I’m not sure I agree with both of them, but I do understand what they’re saying. I don’t however believe that breaking up for a day and going out with someone else is the way to solve the issues. I mean seriously, not to repeat myself but what the hell do you expect to happen in one day with one person?! I’ve been on dates before where I really liked and really clicked with the person on the first night out and then on the second night it was totally different. I mean yea they (the couple on the talk show) both had a great time with the other person that night but was it really worth possibly screwing with what they have now. Mind you, this is a couple who says that even with their problems they are completely in love with one another and yet they feel the need to test their relationship with other people. That just doesn’t sit right with me. If you are in a relationship where you are not sure if this is right for you or you feel that maybe there are things out there you are missing, you need to talk with your current partner about it. I recommend cooling off for a bit. You don’t need to stop seeing one another, but maybe you shouldn’t just solely see each other. And this definitely should go on more than a day. Try a few months actually. If you feel comfortable going back to your partner after one month, try two months. You obviously need some space and you need some time to be alone (well kind of). The reason I say a month at minimum is because so many false emotions will go through you in the first week or two, I can promise it. It’s just like right after you break up with someone when you’re feeling sad and lonely and you want to go crawling back to them. They’re false emotions and you need remember that. You need to remember that you’re doing this for an important and serious reason (or you should not be doing it at all) and that if it were bothering you so much that you just had to do this then going back on it would probably be a huge mistake. Look you aren’t going to learn anything in 24 hours that you didn’t know the 24 before, and as I’ve seen now a stunt like this can almost always only cause pain. You need some time. You need some space. It’s ok. It happens, and you shouldn’t push it out of your mind just because you think it’s bad or wrong or that your partner won’t like it. This isn’t about your partner. This is about you. Talk with them. Listen to them. Just please don’t split off for a day and expect everything to be all better. It won’t. So sorry if I just crushed anyone’s expectations. Not! Posted by Manda at 12:58 AM | Comments (3) October 08, 2005
The Little Things In LifeMost people would say that relationship wise I’m pretty lucky. They look at my boyfriend and I’s relationship and see that we take amazing vacations more than once a year, that he flies 1500 miles every month and a ½ to see me for only 4 days, and that going out for a high class fancy dinner isn’t a once in a blue occurrence for us. And yes I agree with them, I am lucky, but not because of those things. Those things are just the icing on the cake they aren’t the substance of it. The things that really make me feel lucky are the little things he does. The small things that really make my eyes light up and my smile shine bright. Last week is a perfect example. If you go on to Seacoast Online and scroll down the page you will find that there is a web cam located in downtown Portsmouth. It sits high above the street right by Muddy River, just in case you wanted to know. Well last week when I was feeling a little homesick my boyfriend told me to start up the cam. He was on his way home from work and, although it isn’t on his way home, he told me he was going to go down and drive past the camera and wave. It was awesome! haha Honestly just seeing him made my entire month and it made it possible to make it though another day here without him. I love when he wakes me in the morning with the smell of bacon and Princess waffles so we can have a relaxing breakfast in bed, I love when he takes me to the park at the drop of a hat, no matter the weather, just so we can walk around, and I love that when I’ve been craving watermelon all day just as we get in to bed he asks me like 5 more times if he can go get me some before the store closes. It’s all these little things that really make me lucky. The things that show me he really knows me and that he really cares. The big things in life aren’t meaningless, they’re just bonuses I think. There’s nothing wrong with your boyfriend taking you on trips or buying you expensive jewelry, but is that really why you love him? Probably not. You love him because at the end of the day he’ll rub your feet even if he’s exhausted too. You love him because he’ll sit through stupid sappy movies with you when the game’s on. You love him because instead of stealing the covers back in the middle of the night, he’ll just freeze. When you think about how lucky you are in your relationships, I don’t want you to think about what he’s bought you lately or where he’s taken you to eat, I want you to think of what he’s really done for you lately. And don’t forget to let him know you appreciate everything he does do. Do little things for him, little things that show you care. We as a dating and married society need to be focusing more on the little things. They’re amazing and they should never ever be taken for granted. Posted by Manda at 10:38 AM | Comments (1) October 06, 2005
Ending It EtiquetteSo I’ve talked a lot about issues before a relationship and during a relationship, but sometimes those times aren’t your problem. Sometimes the thing that’s really weighing on your mind is the breakup. It’s ok. Breakups happen. The thing is that when it does happen, it’s important to know how to go about it properly. Contrary to popu |