]]>
The stranger I refer to is her grandson who happens to be me. 4 weeks ago I started an intensive 35 hour, volunteer, training workshop to become involved in our local hospice organization. One whole Saturday was devoted to alztimers disease and dementia. The day shook me awake from a place of discomfort and blockage to a place of acceptance and compassion.
I stopped visiting my grandmother about 3 years ago. I was uncomfortable seeing her mind deteriorate. I had convinced myself it was no longer important to visit her because she could not recognize who I was. I now visit her on a regular basis actively trying to get my siblings involved too.
Looking at the words lucky, healthy, and emergency I could say here in the seacoast of New Hampshire we are better off having so many hospitals and health care facilities in a 30 mile radios. There is the Wentworth Douglas Hospital, The Portsmouth Regional Hospital, The Frisbie Memorial Hospital, The Exeter Hospital , The York Maine Hospital and that is just the tip of the iceberg. I can name a few more medical options; The Avis Goodwin Health Clinic, The Families First Health Clinic, SeaCare Health Services, Seacoast Redicare, The Femanist Health Center and many more.
I can’t seem to stay away from Hospitals or nursing facilities lately. Three weeks ago a close friend of mine ended up in a local hospital with major breathing problems. Test after test they could not determine what was causing her breath to be so shallow and laboured. Finally after three days they found a blood clot in one of her lungs that had traveled from her leg. They also think she has the beginnings of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Cynthia is only 40 years old, so young for so much to go wrong with her body. She is now struggling to allow others in her life to complete everyday tasks for her. Depending on others is not one of her strong points. Her doctor’s main concern is keeping the blood clot at bay, away from her heart. This is partly done by keeping the patient off their feet avoiding activities that engage the body in heavy physical action.
Two weeks ago my ex husband (who I was together with for 11 years) broke out into a 102 degree fever. He went to our local hospital to get treated. They sent him home with antibiotics. Then several days later he went back to the hospital stuttering with severe headaches and unable to find the words, he would search for, to complete his sentences. Again they sent him home, this time doubling his thyroid medication. Clearly he had a neurological emergency going on but the doctor on duty overlooked the severity of that, only focusing on his thyroid condition.
I took him to see his doctor two days later and he immediately sent him back to the hospital to have a spinal tap done that another doctor had suggested when he was in the hospital two days prior. They still don’t know what is wrong with his cognitive functioning. I have sat by his bedside several times He is frustrated, scared and wanting to be back home were he can have control over his life again. The hospital is keeping him a few more days while they try to rule out the possible different causes of his symptoms.
Again I am witness to another person in my life having to give up control of their own life to others while their body tries to repair and recover from illness. What a frustrating and humbling experience to have to go through; loosing the control over your life when you least expect it.
In the case of my grandmother, she had never depended on a soul in her life. She was proud of her independence to the point it was a fault of hers. She didn’t have many friends and she was as stubborn as a goat. It must have been very hard for her to gradually loose all of her independence. On the other hand maybe it is a blessing that at the same time she was loosing her independence she also was loosing her cognitive abilities to remember who she was and who her family is, this way she is not struggling with the loss and grief that comes with letting go of your independence and control in your every day world.
]]>
Following are a few poems I had written during our brief romance:
]]>My breath
Your breath
Thinking of you
I exhale memories
Of your recent stay
Triggering the antics
On my face
To smile
Gigantic and wild
I do love you!
Everywhere
I engage my focus
Reminds me of us
Breathing in
Exhaling out together
Before you
Was me,
My life
Now I can’t
Imagine
My life without you.
I breathe you.
Yes, I know
Our lungs
Are separate.
I taste
Your
Salty wet
Skin.
Yes, you
Have gone home.
I smell
Your
Sweet, pungent, scent
Driving
My Skin
To goose flesh.
Yes, you sleep
Alone tonight
In your bed.
In all my reflection
I realize
You have become
Part of my:
Heart
Soul
Mind
Breathing you
Feeling your emotions
Like they are my own
We
Us
Togeather
This is my life
Now.
How I see
My future
Is with You.
Our lives
Complementing each other’s
All awhile nurturing
Our distinctive,
Individual journeys
Trusting in our commitment
To grow in common goals,
Supporting us.
I want to be there
For you,
For me
Whatever may come?
Our way
We can
If we choose
Yes.
]]>What is it about Love that makes us fall so fast and hard. Why will we go so far out of our way to accommodate a new person into our lives when at that split moment it feels so right. I am currently in the process of finalizing the intimacy in a relationship. This process always is difficult on my heart. When I love I am a giver and a receiver. When I am in love the person who has come into my life becomes the second most important focus other then myself and my job. This time I had never before felt so appreciated, so loved and so much wanted. I had never before felt so alive.
Then the Honey moon ended after about three weeks. We began to notice differences in one another that challenged us to either stand up to the plate and compromise or back away and retreat into our own single worlds again. The latter part is happening to us. We are retreating into our own single worlds again.
As I have grown older and wiser I am able to see when a relationship is headed in an unhealthy direction. In the past I would just stay thinking I could make the person respect me just by holding on. Today is different. I am willing to set idiocincysities aside until I have compromised too much.
I am just grateful, to this point, that we will be seeking closure in this transition; from intense romantic emotions to a respectful friendship. This is the most important thing for me to do. I have great respect for this person and in the short two months we have been intensely involved I have learned allot about myself and the relationship has opened many new doors for me to explore. One of those doors is learning how to speak Spanish as a second language. Another door is knowing how I want to be loved. The beginning of our relationship was respectful, loving, and filled with compassion. The romance was equal, and the giving was mutual. This I know I want for now on in my life, but then everything else from there will need to fall into place too.
The one thing I will never understand is how one person can stop trying so quickly; shutting down the intimacy in such a short spurt of time when the other is willing to work things out. Today that is when I agree to move on to greener pastures, in the past I would have tried and compromised until I was no more but an empty shell.
What is it about love? I don't know, but I always will think it is worth the effort. One day I hope to find the one person who is willing to travel down the same road as me and only every now and then go sight seeing to follow their dreams; knowing always they come back home to us.
That's all for now........Jasper
]]>Gay Pride Day Celebrates the day when Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender people fought back for the first time against discrimination and oppression. Before that history-shaking day we as a community had already started to organize and produce small, orderly, non-violent actions that were few and far between in numbers of people and events. Never before were we so angry and fed up with being treated so badly. Never before did we stand up in large numbers feeling the strength of our own power. It was the times we were in and it was our turn to say no more.
]]> Before Stonewall The GLBT Community was only considered as a sick community that needed to be cured. We were dehumanized. Many of us were sent to Insane asylums for electric shock therapy and in some cases they would cut out the frontal lobe of our brains. In World War ll the Germans sent any known Homosexual to concentration Camps and some of us were used for laboratory experiments. After the war was over most people in the concentration camps were set free. Not the Gay men though. They were sent to prison for loving other men.This is why we celebrate pride. Gay Pride Day is about being liberated from the shackles of oppression and to remind us that we still have many steps to take until we see the day we are treated as equals.
We celebrate our true worth and dance the nights away in June; commemorading all those who have worked hard and continue to do so in the recognition of all that we have gained towered being treated as equals, not second class citizens.
We walk proud knowing that love is not a crime. Love is the key ingredient that will transform the world to a place of peace! Please participate with me this year in wishing every one you know who happens to be Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgendered a Happy Pride Day and let them know how much you appreciate them in your life. Below find an article from Wakiepedie about The Stonewall Riot's. The Day that marked the first Gay Pride Celebration the following year.
Thats all for now...
Peace
Jasper
]]>Stonewall riots From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The Stonewall riots were a series of violent conflicts between New York City police officers and groups of gay and transgender people that began during the early morning of June 28, 1969, and lasted several days. Also called the Stonewall Rebellion or simply Stonewall, the clash was a watershed for the worldwide gay rights movement, as gay and transgender people had never before acted together in such large numbers to forcibly resist police.
Prior to 1965, the police would sometimes record the identities of all those present at a raid, occasionally providing the information to newspapers for publication. Police used any convenient justification to make arrests on charges of indecency including kissing, holding hands, cross dressing - even merely being in the bar at the time of the raid.
In 1965, two important figures came into prominence. The first was John Lindsay, a liberal Republican who was elected mayor of New York City on a reform platform. The other was Richard Leitsch, who became president of the New York City chapter of the Mattachine Society at around the same time. Leitsch was considered relatively militant compared to his predecessors and believed in direct action techniques commonly used by other civil rights groups in the 1960s.
In early 1966, administration policies had changed because of complaints made by Mattachine that the police were on the streets entrapping gay men and charging them with indecency. The police commissioner, Howard Leary, instructed the police force not to lure gays into breaking the law and also required that any plain clothes officers must have a civilian witness when a gay person was arrested. This policy caused entrapment of gay men to become much less common in New York City (D’Emilio 207).
In the same year, in order to challenge the State Liquor Authority (SLA) regarding its policies over gay bars, Leitsch conducted a "sip in." Leitsch had called members of the press and planned on meeting at a bar with two other gay men—a bar could have its liquor license taken away for knowingly serving a group of three or more homosexuals—to test the SLA policy of closing bars. When the bartender at Julius turned them away, they made a complaint (D’Emilio 208).
The question then remains why the Stonewall was raided if gay bars were legal and on the rise. John D’Emilio, a prominent historian, points out that the city was in the middle of a mayoral campaign and John Lindsay, who had lost his party’s primary, had reason to call for a cleanup of the city’s bars. There were a number of reasons that made the Stonewall Inn an easy target: it operated without a liquor license; had ties to organized crime; and, “offering scantily clad go-go boys as entertainment, it brought an ‘unruly’ element to Sheridan Square” (D’Emilio 231).
Race may have been another factor. The Stonewall bar was heavily frequented by gay blacks and Hispanics. The decision by the police to raid the bar may have been influenced by the fact that most of the "homosexuals" they would encounter were of black ancestry, and therefore even more objectionable. A large percentage of the rioters were also black men.
Many of those present were transgender and/or drag queens.
Deputy Inspector Seymour Pine, who led the raid on the bar that first night, claims that he was ordered to close the Stonewall Inn because it was the central location for gathering information on gay men who worked on Wall Street. A recent increase in the number of thefts from brokerage houses on Wall Street led police to suspect that gay men, forced by blackmail, were behind the thefts. (Carter 262)
The patrons of the Stonewall were used to such raids and the management was generally able to reopen for business either the same night or the following day.
On Saturday morning, June 28, 1969, not long after 1:20 a.m., police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in Greenwich Village. A number of factors differentiated the raid that took place on June 28 from other such raids on the Stonewall Inn. In general, the sixth precinct tipped off the management of the Stonewall Inn prior to a raid. In addition, raids were generally carried out early enough in the night to allow business to return to normal for the peak hours of the night. At approximately 1:20 a.m., much later than the usual raid, eight officers from the first precinct, of which only one was in uniform, entered the bar. Most of the patrons were able to escape being arrested as the only people arrested “would be those without IDs, those dressed in the clothes of the opposite gender, and some or all of the employees” (Duberman 192).
Details about how the riot started vary from story to story. According to one account, a transgender woman named Sylvia Rivera threw a bottle at a police officer after being prodded by his nightstick (Duberman). Another account states that a lesbian, being brought to a patrol car through the crowd put up a struggle that encouraged the crowd to do the same (D’Emilio 232). Whatever the case may be, mêlée broke out across the crowd—which quickly overtook the police. Stunned, the police retreated into the bar. Heterosexual folk singer Dave van Ronk, who was walking through the area, was grabbed by the police, pulled into the bar, and beaten. The crowd’s attacks were unrelenting. Some tried to light the bar on fire. Others used a parking meter as a battering ram to force the police officers out. Word quickly spread of the riot and many residents, as well as patrons of nearby bars, rushed to the scene.
Throughout the night the police singled out many transgender people and gender nonconformists, including butch women and effeminate men, among others, often beating them. On the first night alone 13 people were arrested and four police officers, as well as an undetermined number of protesters, were injured. It is known, however, that at least two rioters were severely beaten by the police (Duberman 201-202). Bottles and stones were thrown by protesters who chanted “Gay Power!” The crowd, estimated at over 2000, fought with over 400 police officers.
The police sent additional forces in the form of the Tactical Patrol Force, a riot-control squad originally trained to counter Vietnam War protesters. The tactical patrol force arrived to disperse the crowd. However, they failed to break up the crowd, who sprayed them with rocks and other projectiles.
Eventually the scene quieted, but the crowd returned again the next night. While less violent than the first night, the crowd had the same energy as it had on the previous night. Skirmishes between the rioters and the police ensued until approximately 4:00 a.m.. The third day of rioting fell five days after the raid on the Stonewall Inn. On that Wednesday, 1,000 people congregated at the bar and again caused extensive property damage.
Numerous books on this North American gay civil rights flash point have been written. In 2004, St. Martin's Press published David Carter's Stonewall: The Riots That Sparked the Gay Revolution, based on ten years of research and interviews with participants. In the book Carter examines inconsistencies of historical record, debunking a number of myths that have surrounded the events of June 1969, including the oft-repeated urban legend that it was the death of Judy Garland that sparked the riots.
The forces that were simmering before the riots were now no longer beneath the surface. The community created by the homophile organizations of the previous two decades had created the perfect environment for the creation of the Gay Liberation Movement. By the end of July the Gay Liberation Front (GLF) was formed in New York and by the end of the year the GLF could be seen in cities and universities around the country. Similar organizations were soon created around the world including Canada, France, Britain, Germany, Belgium, The Netherlands, Australia and New Zealand.
The following year, in commemoration of the Stonewall Riots, the GLF organized a march from Greenwich Village to Central Park. Between 5,000 and 10,000 men and women attended the march. Many gay pride celebrations choose the month of June to hold their parades and events to celebrate “The Hairpin Drop Heard Round the World" (D'Emilio 232). Many major American cities including New York City, Chicago, Houston, San Francisco, Seattle, Minneapolis and Columbus as well as other cities such as Toronto hold Gay Pride Marches on the last Sunday of June, in honor of Stonewall. Other cities such as Anchorage, Baltimore, Boston, Des Moines, Detroit, Kansas City, Salt Lake City, Atlanta and Washington, DC hold their pride parade in June but not on the last Sunday of the month. Still others, such as Dallas, Texas and Palm Springs, California, hold their celebration in another month entirely. The prominent British gay rights group Stonewall is named after the riots. Numerous gay bars around the world take their name from the revolutionary bar - two of the most famous are The Stonewall and Moose Lounge in Allentown, Pennsylvania and Bar Stonewall in Sydney, Australia.
In 1998. a LGBT-rights group in the United States formed the Stonewall Democrats (affiliated with the Democratic Party). The group was founded by Barney Frank, a gay Democratic member of the U.S. House of Representatives representing Massachusetts's fourth congressional district.
The actual Stonewall Inn was vacant and closed for most of the 1970s and '80s. It reopened after its first renovation in the early 1990s. A second renovation in the late 1990s brought in new crowds to its new multi-floor layout. The club remained popular until management lost its lease in 2006. New management expect to reopen the latest version of The Stonewall in February 2007.
The general atmosphere of the days immediately before the riots are dramatized in a 1995 film called Stonew
]]>My life has been taking on many new dimensions in the last year. One of these amazing jolts has been singing in a local church choir, I always have loved to sing in the car, shower or while I walk. We have been blessed in my family with the ability to hold a tune and belt out voices that sound pleasing to the ear. I never thought of my voice as anything more then or less then average. I have a strong vibrato and I think you would label my range as a baritone.
Since November I have been attending a local Unity Church called Unity of the Seacoast. I have been inspired by this community to give the gift of song. Never before would I have put myself in a situation like this, because of nervousness the thoughts of inferiority, taking the risk in a spiritual community on weather or not they would embrace my Sexual Orientation or not. All of these things and more prevented me from developing my ability to sing. I was safe keeping my singing to myself, not allowing my voice to be criticized, I preferred it that way.
Since I have been actively interacting with the "Joyful Noise Choir” People who have come to here us sing always comment in a positive manner on my voice. I have even done a couple of solos and that has moved some observers to tears. One elderly lady in the audience insisted that I continue to train my voice because of how moved she is when hearing me. I promised her that I would.
My latest endeavor with the choir is composing and writing two songs. I am amazed that I completed them after promising our organist that I would for the last 3 months.
I recently went on an interview for becoming a volunteer with Seacoast Hospice. One of the questions on the application asked me " was there ever a time I felt heard?" This question the interviewer admitted she could not answer herself. I knew the answer immediately. I told her when I sing I feel heard!
Sound is a powerful tool to transform peoples lives. Scientists are now finding evidence that all existence when broken down to the smallest particles is sound vibrations. All that we know of that is material and non-material is sound vibrations. We are now using this technology to heal people of terminal illnesses like AIDS and Cancer.
I will talk more about this and my life these days.
That’s all for now...
Jasper
About a week ago I was walking home after leaving the bus stop, where the bus had just dropped me off. Sometimes I get off at the bus stop downtown, this way it encourages me to get more exercise. As I was walking past the Dunkin Donuts on lower Central Avenue I saw this man, with red curly hair, looking down into his backpack oblivious to me approaching him. He had just left the 24 hour convenient store.
He was familiar to me because I had seen him once before as a friend of mine was chatting with him outside City Hall Market, the small Market that I work at. At that time he sounded as if he had too much to drink and he had told me he thought I looked like a famous singer. He couldn’t think of the singers name though. He was stuck in mid thought. I said to him, “Are you thinking of Elton John? About three times a year people say that to me.” He then replied with a resounding “yes, that’s who you look like”.
Then two days later he came into City Hall Market to buy some beer. He seemed to have a slight alcohol buzz going on.
So now he’s standing on the sidewalk as I approach him, he looks at me once, I had come to a holt beside him. I say to him, “Hi, do you remember me?” He than looked me square in the face and said, “Yes, your Elton”, LOL. Each time I had seen him he came across to me as intoxicated. So I decided there and then to ask him straight out. I inquired, “Are you always in a drunken stupor?” He then said to me, “That’s Rude of you to say!”
My question opened up the door for some good conversation. We talked for a good 30 minutes. I found out that he had been struggling with his sexual orientation ever since he could remember. This seemed to be one of the main reasons why he drank. I opened up to him and told him I had experienced being gay in a whole different way. Even though I struggled with my sexual orientation, I came to the point of realizing I was a gift from God/Universe. We talked about being different and what that meant; that it was ok not to fit in anywhere as long as you focused on being who you know yourself to be. I told him he was a beautiful person and don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. I suggested to him that anytime he had a negative thought about himself to immediately replace that negative thought with a positive one.
He said I was beautiful too. He also asked me if he could stay at my house overnight because he had no place to stay. I told him I could not offer a place for him to crash. Instead I offered him my fleece jacket, He was so thankful. I even helped him put it on. He then insisted as an even trade for the fleece-coat that he treat me to a drink at Drunken Donuts. I obliged. He bought me a chi. We talked further about AA, Detoxifying and other solutions for him.
Talking to this stranger was such a blessing. In 30 minutes I not only learned from him and more about myself; I connected to another human-being in such a profound manner. I think for him he was intrigued at my eagerness to call it like I saw it. It gave him a chance to tell his story and know that someone sincerely wanted to listen. The moment also brought on the magic of both of us affirming the others worth in an unpredictable cruel and beautiful world. I haven’t seen him since, I do wish him well and hope he can move forward.
That’s all for now….
Peace
]]>The Fair Trade Foundation
http://www.fairtrade.org.uk/
The Fair Trade Federation Global Exchange
http://www.fairtradefederation.com/
http://www.globalexchange.org/campaigns/fairtrade/
The Fair Trade Certified label guarantees:
A fair price
The Fair Trade Certified label guarantees that farmers and workers received a fair price for their product. The Fair Trade price means that farmers can feed their families and that their children can go to school instead of working in the fields.
Care for the environment
Most Fair Trade Certified coffee, tea and chocolate in the US is certified organic and shade grown. This means that the products you buy maintain biodiversity, provide shelter for migratory birds and help reduce global warming.
"Fair Trade supports some of the most bio-diverse farming systems in the world. When you visit a Fair Trade coffee grower's fields, with the forest canopy overhead and the sound of migratory songbirds in the air, it feels like you're standing in the rainforest."
Professor Miguel Altieri, Leading expert and author on agroecology
Community impact
Fair Trade provides a solution for poorer developing countries a way to economic stability. Members of the COSURCA coffee cooperative in Colombia successfully prevented the cultivation of more than 1,600 acres of coca and poppy, used for the production of illicit drugs. In Papua New Guinea, the AGOGA cooperative, is investing in a medical team to meet the healthcare needs of its isolated rural community. In the highlands of Guatemala, indigenous Tzutuhil Mayans in the La Voz cooperative are sending local kids to college for the first time. Near Lake Titicaca, in Peru, the CECOVASA cooperative is assisting members from Quechua and Aymara indigenous groups in raising coffee quality and transitioning to certified organic production. Quality products
Quality products
By receiving a fair price, Fair Trade producers can avoid cost-cutting practices that sacrifice quality. The Fair Trade producers' traditional artesanal farming methods result in exceptional products.
If you agree with Fair Trade practices buy fair trade products and support your local small buisnesses first.
One of these people is a man I have become friends with. He has witnessed first hand many of the atrocities our society has burdened the human spirit with. One day last month we were riding the same bus together to Portsmouth New Hampshire and we got into this philosophical discussion about Destiny! Something I have not thought about since I was in my early twenties.
The conversation went like this: What if everything that happens in our lives is pre-destined? Every single choice we make, from the jobs we work at to the mundane choices like what will we make for dinner tonight. The routines in our lives and the rituals; every single moment has been mapped out for us even before we have experienced it. The only thing that can change in our lives is our attitudes and the way we react and respond to the events in our lives. Writing this blog entry has been pre-determined, that I was going to write this from the moment I was born. The idea of this gives me the Goosebumps.
What do you think? Do you think this is probable?
That’s all for now,
Jasper