Following are a few poems I had written during our brief romance:

My breath

Your breath

Thinking of you

I exhale memories

Of your recent stay

Triggering the antics

On my face

To smile

Gigantic and wild

I do love you!

Everywhere

I engage my focus

Reminds me of us

Breathing in

Exhaling out together

Before you

Was me,

My life

Now I can’t

Imagine

My life without you.

I breathe you.

Yes, I know

Our lungs

Are separate.

I taste

Your

Salty wet

Skin.

Yes, you

Have gone home.

I smell

Your

Sweet, pungent, scent

Driving

My Skin

To goose flesh.

Yes, you sleep

Alone tonight

In your bed.

In all my reflection

I realize

You have become

Part of my:

Heart

Soul

Mind

Breathing you

Feeling your emotions

Like they are my own

We

Us

Togeather

This is my life

Now.

How I see

My future

Is with You.

Our lives

Complementing each other’s

All awhile nurturing

Our distinctive,

Individual journeys

Trusting in our commitment

To grow in common goals,

Supporting us.

I want to be there

For you,

For me

Whatever may come?

Our way

We can

If we choose

Yes.

What is it about Love that makes us fall so fast and hard. Why will we go so far out of our way to accommodate a new person into our lives when at that split moment it feels so right. I am currently in the process of finalizing the intimacy in a relationship. This process always is difficult on my heart. When I love I am a giver and a receiver. When I am in love the person who has come into my life becomes the second most important focus other then myself and my job. This time I had never before felt so appreciated, so loved and so much wanted. I had never before felt so alive.

Then the Honey moon ended after about three weeks. We began to notice differences in one another that challenged us to either stand up to the plate and compromise or back away and retreat into our own single worlds again. The latter part is happening to us. We are retreating into our own single worlds again.

As I have grown older and wiser I am able to see when a relationship is headed in an unhealthy direction. In the past I would just stay thinking I could make the person respect me just by holding on. Today is different. I am willing to set idiocincysities aside until I have compromised too much.

I am just grateful, to this point, that we will be seeking closure in this transition; from intense romantic emotions to a respectful friendship. This is the most important thing for me to do. I have great respect for this person and in the short two months we have been intensely involved I have learned allot about myself and the relationship has opened many new doors for me to explore. One of those doors is learning how to speak Spanish as a second language. Another door is knowing how I want to be loved. The beginning of our relationship was respectful, loving, and filled with compassion. The romance was equal, and the giving was mutual. This I know I want for now on in my life, but then everything else from there will need to fall into place too.

The one thing I will never understand is how one person can stop trying so quickly; shutting down the intimacy in such a short spurt of time when the other is willing to work things out. Today that is when I agree to move on to greener pastures, in the past I would have tried and compromised until I was no more but an empty shell.

What is it about love? I don't know, but I always will think it is worth the effort. One day I hope to find the one person who is willing to travel down the same road as me and only every now and then go sight seeing to follow their dreams; knowing always they come back home to us.

That's all for now........Jasper

Gay Pride Day Celebrates the day when Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender people fought back for the first time against discrimination and oppression. Before that history-shaking day we as a community had already started to organize and produce small, orderly, non-violent actions that were few and far between in numbers of people and events. Never before were we so angry and fed up with being treated so badly. Never before did we stand up in large numbers feeling the strength of our own power. It was the times we were in and it was our turn to say no more.

Stonewall riots From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Stonewall riots were a series of violent conflicts between New York City police officers and groups of gay and transgender people that began during the early morning of June 28, 1969, and lasted several days. Also called the Stonewall Rebellion or simply Stonewall, the clash was a watershed for the worldwide gay rights movement, as gay and transgender people had never before acted together in such large numbers to forcibly resist police.

My life has been taking on many new dimensions in the last year. One of these amazing jolts has been singing in a local church choir, I always have loved to sing in the car, shower or while I walk. We have been blessed in my family with the ability to hold a tune and belt out voices that sound pleasing to the ear. I never thought of my voice as anything more then or less then average. I have a strong vibrato and I think you would label my range as a baritone.

Since November I have been attending a local Unity Church called Unity of the Seacoast. I have been inspired by this community to give the gift of song. Never before would I have put myself in a situation like this, because of nervousness the thoughts of inferiority, taking the risk in a spiritual community on weather or not they would embrace my Sexual Orientation or not. All of these things and more prevented me from developing my ability to sing. I was safe keeping my singing to myself, not allowing my voice to be criticized, I preferred it that way.

Since I have been actively interacting with the "Joyful Noise Choir” People who have come to here us sing always comment in a positive manner on my voice. I have even done a couple of solos and that has moved some observers to tears. One elderly lady in the audience insisted that I continue to train my voice because of how moved she is when hearing me. I promised her that I would.

My latest endeavor with the choir is composing and writing two songs. I am amazed that I completed them after promising our organist that I would for the last 3 months.

I recently went on an interview for becoming a volunteer with Seacoast Hospice. One of the questions on the application asked me " was there ever a time I felt heard?" This question the interviewer admitted she could not answer herself. I knew the answer immediately. I told her when I sing I feel heard!

Sound is a powerful tool to transform peoples lives. Scientists are now finding evidence that all existence when broken down to the smallest particles is sound vibrations. All that we know of that is material and non-material is sound vibrations. We are now using this technology to heal people of terminal illnesses like AIDS and Cancer.

I will talk more about this and my life these days.

That’s all for now...

Jasper

About a week ago I was walking home after leaving the bus stop, where the bus had just dropped me off. Sometimes I get off at the bus stop downtown, this way it encourages me to get more exercise. As I was walking past the Dunkin Donuts on lower Central Avenue I saw this man, with red curly hair, looking down into his backpack oblivious to me approaching him. He had just left the 24 hour convenient store.

He was familiar to me because I had seen him once before as a friend of mine was chatting with him outside City Hall Market, the small Market that I work at. At that time he sounded as if he had too much to drink and he had told me he thought I looked like a famous singer. He couldn’t think of the singers name though. He was stuck in mid thought. I said to him, “Are you thinking of Elton John? About three times a year people say that to me.” He then replied with a resounding “yes, that’s who you look like”.

Then two days later he came into City Hall Market to buy some beer. He seemed to have a slight alcohol buzz going on.

So now he’s standing on the sidewalk as I approach him, he looks at me once, I had come to a holt beside him. I say to him, “Hi, do you remember me?” He than looked me square in the face and said, “Yes, your Elton”, LOL. Each time I had seen him he came across to me as intoxicated. So I decided there and then to ask him straight out. I inquired, “Are you always in a drunken stupor?” He then said to me, “That’s Rude of you to say!”

My question opened up the door for some good conversation. We talked for a good 30 minutes. I found out that he had been struggling with his sexual orientation ever since he could remember. This seemed to be one of the main reasons why he drank. I opened up to him and told him I had experienced being gay in a whole different way. Even though I struggled with my sexual orientation, I came to the point of realizing I was a gift from God/Universe. We talked about being different and what that meant; that it was ok not to fit in anywhere as long as you focused on being who you know yourself to be. I told him he was a beautiful person and don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. I suggested to him that anytime he had a negative thought about himself to immediately replace that negative thought with a positive one.

He said I was beautiful too. He also asked me if he could stay at my house overnight because he had no place to stay. I told him I could not offer a place for him to crash. Instead I offered him my fleece jacket, He was so thankful. I even helped him put it on. He then insisted as an even trade for the fleece-coat that he treat me to a drink at Drunken Donuts. I obliged. He bought me a chi. We talked further about AA, Detoxifying and other solutions for him.

Talking to this stranger was such a blessing. In 30 minutes I not only learned from him and more about myself; I connected to another human-being in such a profound manner. I think for him he was intrigued at my eagerness to call it like I saw it. It gave him a chance to tell his story and know that someone sincerely wanted to listen. The moment also brought on the magic of both of us affirming the others worth in an unpredictable cruel and beautiful world. I haven’t seen him since, I do wish him well and hope he can move forward.

That’s all for now….

Peace

The Fair Trade Foundation http://www.fairtrade.org.uk/

The Fair Trade Federation
http://www.fairtradefederation.com/

Global Exchange
http://www.globalexchange.org/campaigns/fairtrade/

Care for the environment

Most Fair Trade Certified coffee, tea and chocolate in the US is certified organic and shade grown. This means that the products you buy maintain biodiversity, provide shelter for migratory birds and help reduce global warming.

"Fair Trade supports some of the most bio-diverse farming systems in the world. When you visit a Fair Trade coffee grower's fields, with the forest canopy overhead and the sound of migratory songbirds in the air, it feels like you're standing in the rainforest."
Professor Miguel Altieri, Leading expert and author on agroecology

Community impact

Fair Trade provides a solution for poorer developing countries a way to economic stability. Members of the COSURCA coffee cooperative in Colombia successfully prevented the cultivation of more than 1,600 acres of coca and poppy, used for the production of illicit drugs. In Papua New Guinea, the AGOGA cooperative, is investing in a medical team to meet the healthcare needs of its isolated rural community. In the highlands of Guatemala, indigenous Tzutuhil Mayans in the La Voz cooperative are sending local kids to college for the first time. Near Lake Titicaca, in Peru, the CECOVASA cooperative is assisting members from Quechua and Aymara indigenous groups in raising coffee quality and transitioning to certified organic production. Quality products

Quality products

By receiving a fair price, Fair Trade producers can avoid cost-cutting practices that sacrifice quality. The Fair Trade producers' traditional artesanal farming methods result in exceptional products.

If you agree with Fair Trade practices buy fair trade products and support your local small buisnesses first.

One of these people is a man I have become friends with. He has witnessed first hand many of the atrocities our society has burdened the human spirit with. One day last month we were riding the same bus together to Portsmouth New Hampshire and we got into this philosophical discussion about Destiny! Something I have not thought about since I was in my early twenties.

The conversation went like this: What if everything that happens in our lives is pre-destined? Every single choice we make, from the jobs we work at to the mundane choices like what will we make for dinner tonight. The routines in our lives and the rituals; every single moment has been mapped out for us even before we have experienced it. The only thing that can change in our lives is our attitudes and the way we react and respond to the events in our lives. Writing this blog entry has been pre-determined, that I was going to write this from the moment I was born. The idea of this gives me the Goosebumps.

What do you think? Do you think this is probable?

That’s all for now,

Jasper